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Hey everyone! I want to ask your opinion about my life...

Crainelev May 9, 2017 11:47 pm

Im sorry everyone, if you have time i hope you can hear me out......

I dont know how should i begin this but im a type of person who
almost capable at doing everything in my life. But because of that, it made me became an individualist. I kinda hate when someone nagging at my problem, sometimes i hate when they talk to me out of the blue, and i hate them for not leaving me alone just for once. Summary, i hate being too social with people. I know they are kind to me but at the bottom of my heart, i always find them troublesome. And someday, one of my friend gets hurt when she was playing with her friends (at that time i was sick so i stayed in the classroom) when i heard the news i didnt feel anything at all, not even a slightest of sympathy that come across of my mind.
So my question is, is it okay to stay like this forever?? Because im kinda of comfortable tgis way but my mom always said to fix my habit...can you all help me out??

Responses
    Sky Wheeler May 9, 2017 11:55 pm

    I'm going to leave a comment that might sound offensive but it's not I assure you. If you are worried about it, seek professional help. While people on the internet are generally pretty nice and supportive, we don't really have a way to properly diagnose you for everything you need.
    BUT
    Repeat after me: you are not a bad person because you are different. You might perceive emotions differently and as long as you're not maliciously and intentionally hurting someone, you are not a bad person. If your comfortable that way so be it.
    If you are really worried about how you act and your "lack of sympathy" (sorry I don't have any other way to put that), I would suggest seeking professional help. Research and fine credible psychologists and whatnot and plan a session, if you can afford it. If you're in school, find a social counselor to talk about it. It's not bad or weak to seek professional help and sometimes it can lead to closure.

    Remember, this works for some people, but not all people.

    N May 9, 2017 11:58 pm

    Well, I don't think others can force you to feel the same way as them. You might be asocial, I guess? I'm actually kind of the same, I don't like when people talk to me about their problems, I don't like having to react one way or another just for the sake of socializing. However, I've made a few friends I can trust wholeheartedly and if it's them, I try my best to help them out even if it's just listening to them vent out.

    I guess it just comes down to this: some (or most?) people talk to someone about their problems because they want to vent out, they want someone to listen to them. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give them the solution, because sometimes, just having someone to talk to is fine and it does make someone with problems feel a bit better. You don't even need to utter a word, just be there when they talk, I promise you, it helps a lot.

    I've had severe depression and just talking to someone helps, even if they just say "hmm" or "oh". It may be an inconvenience but hey, we can't all be perfect.

    Of course you don't have to do this to everyone, you can take your pick or none at all. I suggest you say it upfront as well, that you do not want to be disturbed, or that you are not mentally prepared to help anyone out with their problems and so on.

    Anonymous May 9, 2017 11:59 pm

    I don't have a solution or a methodology for you, but I assure you that you are not alone in the aspect where you hate socializing. I am the same exact way. A friend of mine recently broke up with her bf, but I don't have any sympathy or friend-like emotions; however, I simply comfort her bc that is what I believe a good friend in society should do. In short, I did what I did so that I could be normal within my society; nonetheless, I have never thought of changing myself as I believe one must put a purpose for oneself when an event happens. Btw, just in case you might be wondering why I think this way is because I see it through the lens of existentialism and via my bias. I hope you come to terms with yourself and your mother and your friends. A friend from afar.

    Something May 10, 2017 12:00 am

    I don't have a solution or a methodology for you, but I assure you that you are not alone in the aspect where you hate socializing. I am the same exact way. A friend of mine recently broke up with her bf, but I don't have any sympathy or friend-like emotions; however, I simply comfort her bc that is what I believe a good friend in society should do. In short, I did what I did so that I could be normal within my society; nonetheless, I have never thought of changing myself as I believe one must put a purpose for oneself when an event happens. Btw, just in case you might be wondering why I think this way is because I see it through the lens of existentialism and via my bias. I hope you come to terms with yourself and your mother and your friends. A friend from afar.

    Crainelev May 10, 2017 12:07 am
    I'm going to leave a comment that might sound offensive but it's not I assure you. If you are worried about it, seek professional help. While people on the internet are generally pretty nice and supportive, we ... Sky Wheeler

    Thank you for your opinion. But i have vent it out to my friend, she is almost the same with me. But what i ask to her is it okay or not for staying this way but her repky was "this time i cant give you any comment" so its not helping me at all....and well sometimes people in the intenet really gives you answer you need. Thank you for hearing me out ^_^

    Crainelev May 10, 2017 12:08 am
    Well, I don't think others can force you to feel the same way as them. You might be asocial, I guess? I'm actually kind of the same, I don't like when people talk to me about their problems, I don't like having... @N

    I have vent it out, but it didnt answer my answer at all....well i feel a lot better when you guys stating your opinion openly so than you very much ^_^

    Crainelev May 10, 2017 12:10 am
    I don't have a solution or a methodology for you, but I assure you that you are not alone in the aspect where you hate socializing. I am the same exact way. A friend of mine recently broke up with her bf, but I... @Anonymous

    Yes thats exactly what i do, but its not like that i mind it but does that considered as a two faced person or is it because you cant helping it because its your personality??

    Tavi May 10, 2017 12:10 am

    I think for most of us who are rather anti-social we end up learning to act quite well. I have my job face, where I can be chatty and friendly and get along with anyone. I have my home face where i pretty much can avoid human contact on all levels except when I want human contact. Which is pretty much never honestly. So for you it really depends on how you plan on living your life on whether or not you need to change or learn to act. Unless you plan on living in your parents basement and never working chances are you're going to have to learn how to put on a mask of some kind. No one wants to or will willing hire someone who is anti-social. You need to be able to find a sort of balance, same is true if you want to have close friends. Even if their problems are annoying as all hell, sometimes you gotta sit there and nod your head and put on a sympathetic face. If you don't care to have friends who are more than a drive by hello, then it's all the easier then. No ones going to come to you with their problems because they barely know you. Life can be hard to be solo in though, I mean I personally love being solo, but it means all the bills are mine, all the responsibility is mine, all the planning is mine. And living in a place like the US finding a place where a single person can rent while working a n average paying job is pretty much hell. So it takes a lot of work sometimes, much easier to have roommates or a partner who can shoulder some of those concerns or simple help reduce the cost of rent. But really its your life, you need to learn how to live it.

    Crainelev May 10, 2017 12:19 am
    I think for most of us who are rather anti-social we end up learning to act quite well. I have my job face, where I can be chatty and friendly and get along with anyone. I have my home face where i pretty much ... Tavi

    What my mother said is almost the same, she said "when you become a member of society you cant be like that forever, many people out there who want to see you fail"
    She said that so i can figure how to live when im become member of society. Thank you for your opinion, you guys really helped me to think about this throughly.

    Crainelev May 10, 2017 12:25 am
    I don't have a solution or a methodology for you, but I assure you that you are not alone in the aspect where you hate socializing. I am the same exact way. A friend of mine recently broke up with her bf, but I... @Something

    Yes thats exactly what i do, but its not like that i mind it but does that considered as a two faced person or is it because you cant helping it because its your personality??

    tokidoki May 10, 2017 12:30 am

    Sounds like sociopathy ... lacking in empathy and rejecting social interactions. This can be either bad or good, as many criminals are sociopaths, but then so are most very successful business people. It would be a good thing to find a counsellor to talk to, to help find ways to be comfortable with yourself.

    Tavi May 10, 2017 12:37 am
    What my mother said is almost the same, she said "when you become a member of society you cant be like that forever, many people out there who want to see you fail"She said that so i can figure how to live when... Crainelev

    No worries, one of the joys of the internet is that it's not hard to find people who are in same boat as you. lol I think the hardest for me is that when people around me die, I don't feel a thing about it. No sadness, no grief, it's kinda like oh okay they're gone now. And I don't think about it again..as tokidoki said it's a bit like sociopathy. You don't feel emotions the way that follows the normal spectrum. But as long as you're not way off the path and hurting or kill people I don't see it as a bad thing. If anything in times of crisis it can be very hand to not end up an emotional mess.

    KikiBee May 10, 2017 12:38 am

    Well, I don't think you should be encouraged to change the way you were born, as far as personality. You do have ro figure out how to function with people, and be nice, for work reasons, even if it's a job not around people you still have to a little...bosses ect. But that's changing actions, not how you feel. I'd just try to be comfortable with yourself. You don't have less value than a social person, your value just lies in other things. I'm a big believer in people's differences being very important and we can't all be the same. If you don't want to be around people in your free time, or have lots of friends, or any....well that is ok. If you find friends you like who are fine with you as you are then keep them, if they bug you keep them at a distance. But don't beat yourself up for being not social. Don't try to change yourself, just learn to function enough to get by in social situations

    KikiBee May 10, 2017 12:41 am
    Yes thats exactly what i do, but its not like that i mind it but does that considered as a two faced person or is it because you cant helping it because its your personality?? Crainelev

    It's a conscious choice to do what does not come to them naturally...doesn't make them two faced so much, it's just something they have ti consciously decide to do rather than someone who does it from sympathy or empathy

    flies May 10, 2017 1:27 am

    I have no idea why but you struck me as an..artist lol idk? Or perhaps a person who has a lot of hobbies. Many of which you've gained over the course of your life. And there's so many things you want to do, to accomplish, that it's almost bothersome when you are thinking of having to socialize. You don't want to get too deep in a conversation or relationship where it requires constant talking and attention. You just want to do your own thing, but once again, not enough time on your hands. And lol wild guessing here, you think spending time with friends and others is unproductive. And you're pretty damn careful and elaborate and you don't like leaving people hanging...but I do not think there's a problem being as you are now. You get stuff done either way, there's no law stating that you must have this type of social life, gotta have your schedule filled with parties and events, none of that. In fact I think you're the type to prefer an open schedule. Well, I apologized in advance for this sounds too much like an analysis of your person rather than a solution to your worries. Sorry!

    Arkkuro May 10, 2017 1:29 am

    Don't worry sympathy/empathy is overrated and can lead us astray anyways, it just causes more net negative emotions and achieves nothing. What is important is kindness and compassion, that is to say if u see somebody suffering u need not feel they're pain nor need not feel sad from it but simply do what u can to stop their suffering. For example if u were in the playground and u saw ur friend fall u would try to catch them not just let them fall right? But knowing they fell and not feeling bad for them doesn't stop them from falling so ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭

    Dw ur not a bad person, plus random conversations and nagging tend to be boring/annoying so I get where ur coming from (=・ω・=).
    If u want to get them to stop nagging bout something just ask for their reason why they think u should do that thing then refute it with a valid argument and they'd probly stop :D

    Anonymous May 10, 2017 1:35 am

    There is much from this question that is missing for any kind of conclusion. I can ask you some questions, and give you more information, and perhaps they would lead you to finding more answers.

    There are a number of things that can cause a lack of empathy. But considering your age, you are still young. You can certainly experience these feelings, or lack thereof, since your brain is still developing. Before you reach twenty five your brain is still growing and changing. The last aspect to develop is the part of the brain that deals with consequences of your actions. Empathy and understanding of other people's suffering goes hand in hand with with that development.

    There are a number of reasons you may feel the way that you do. Some are completely benign, others may require intervention. If you are not feeling anything at all, consider depression. This can be a major cause of a disconnect from emotions.

    Anonymous May 10, 2017 1:43 am
    Sounds like sociopathy ... lacking in empathy and rejecting social interactions. This can be either bad or good, as many criminals are sociopaths, but then so are most very successful business people. It would ... tokidoki

    Her age doesn't account her to be diagnosed for sociopath as her brain is still developing. Until the brain is fully developed at age 25, there is no way to be diagnosed as sociopath. One more thing about sociopathy, it is a condition that is formed as a coping mechanism to abuse, trauma, or neglect. It is something that forms as a result of these things, and normally begins in childhood as a method to survive. So, for her to be a sociopath I would expect there to be some triggering event. If she look back into her life is that sort of event present?

    tokidoki May 10, 2017 2:11 am
    Her age doesn't account her to be diagnosed for sociopath as her brain is still developing. Until the brain is fully developed at age 25, there is no way to be diagnosed as sociopath. One more thing about socio... @Anonymous

    Not always, some children can be diagnosed with it, and can be from a stable a loving home ... see this quick article. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-home-is-not-democracy/201306/is-my-child-sociopath
    and here is some info on those who exhibit this: https://www.quora.com/Is-being-a-sociopath-a-bad-thing
    Part of what makes sociopathy so fascinating is that we understand very little about what causes it. The sociopath overall is little understood, manifested primarily in the conventional belief that the sociopath has the malicious intent to harm others. The truth, however, is more complex than a single answer allows. Are sociopaths bad people? It's easy to utter a full-throated "Yes!" for so many reasons, but the reality is that sociopaths don't necessarily have malicious feelings toward others. The problem is that they have very little true feeling at all for others, which allows them to treat others as objects. The effect of their behaviour is undoubtedly malicious, though the intention is not necessarily the same thing.
    So, not necessarily bad or good, just someone who lacks empathy.
    Mind you, the OP could also fall on the autism spectrum. We would need more info - which is why I said counselling is a good start.

    Anonymous May 10, 2017 2:30 am
    Not always, some children can be diagnosed with it, and can be from a stable a loving home ... see this quick article. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-home-is-not-democracy/201306/is-my-child-sociopat... tokidoki

    However, diagnosis of sociopathy would not occur until eighteen at the earliest, and twenty-five standard. There has to be a causative event for the genetics to create the condition.

    You can observe traits that to someone looks just like sociopathy and the child is a neurotypical as anyone else. Children can not be sociopathic. They will not be even considered as such until they reach an age where the majority of maturity has been reached, as the brain’s development, it speed, it connections, can mimic sociopathic presentation until there is a completion of the growth involved with adulthood.

    The diagnosis would not be relevant until the person reaches at least the age of majority as there is no way to know if the condition is permanent and stationary until after their brain has finished growing.

    For the sociopathy to develop you have to first have the genetic disposition, and second your brain’s neurons form around the causative inducing agent, the severe abuse, neglect, or prolonged trauma. The setting can be anything, as long there is triggering event that takes place.