Author's Notes + My Thoughts

jpotter June 28, 2017 12:19 pm

I actually meant to write this a LONG time ago, but as you can see that it’s very long which is why I kept procrastinating. Anyway, below are the (two) notes the author wrote concerning the relationship between the Chairman and Mookyul. Hopefully this clears up the confusion some of the readers have.

By the way, I actually don’t know if this is considered copyright infringement which is another reason why it took me so long to post this. I do not own any part of the “Totally Captivated” series. It all belongs to Yoo Ha Jin. The first author’s note can be found on page 113 of “Diary of Sangchul and the second can be found on 125. You have to buy the book in order to read this.

“About the Secret Door:

This story isn’t about a secret door, rather it’s about Mookyul and the Chairman. Since the Secret Door publication has been canceled, I realize some of the scenes in ‘Diary of Sangchul’ may cause confusion now. So, I feel the need to five a little explanation, albeit insufficient, regarding their relationship.

First, allow me to answer the question many of you are probably the most curious about. Do they have lots of wild sex? Not really. Mookyul is 17 years-old when they first sleep together. I’ll give you the juicy details later. Chairman Lee isn’t actually gay at first. When he and Mookyul finally sleep together, they suffer all the awkwardness and unpleasantness you might imagine between first-timers. Mr. Lee eventually takes a sadistic joy in forcing various sexual favors from Mookyul, mostly oral in nature.

Naturally, some of you might be thinking, ‘Doesn’t frequent oral sex still count as lots of sex?’ Not according to Mookyul’s point-of-view. Think fellatio as largely the extent of the two men’s intimacy in the story.

If you ask Mookyul’s opinion, there’s no sex without penetration. He also believes if a couple doesn’t have sex, they can’t be considered lovers. Mookyul’s intimacy with the Chairman is his way of finding connection with his elderly mentor. Although he can survive on his own, Mookyul endures all of Chairman Lee’s abuse for this same reason. This is also why he keeps referring to his mentor as “old man” in front of others. All these choices stem from the same desire.

Mookyul predominately feels respect for the Chairman. To a young boy barely surviving as a bottom-feeder on society, the Chairman seems an extraordinary figure. Think of him as a medieval aristocrat or monk who lives strictly by his own rules. Even at home, the old man displays perfect manners, wears a tie, and dresses impeccably. He never acts outside the boundaries of his own code of conduct and aesthetics. When the jaded Mookyul realizes this behaviour isn’t an act, the revelation hits him like a culture shock. Despite being a flawed human being, the Chairman genuinely strives for an honor that Mookyul grows to admire and accept. The following pages explains how they first meet.”

Then there’s a little snippet of when Mookyul first meets the Chairman and how he tried to pickpocket him.

Not that it really matters, but from what the author says above, Mookyul and the Chairman never had penetrative sex. Mookyul does not even consider what they do as sex; it was an “activity” done to better understand the man he admires and respect. WE, the readers, and Ewon know that it is sex, but Mookyul has a twisted pov of this. Obviously this is due to his past and the influence the Chairman had on him.

Then there’s another author’s not after the snippet of their first meeting that further expands on how this twisted relationship came to be:

“Here’s the question. How does their initially heartwarming relationship end up changing so drastically? To be honest, Chairman Lee doesn’t reflect too deeply on the question. His attraction to Mookyul is a compulsion; the first time he ever wants something without weighing the pros and cons. He believes destiny bought the child to him. After their first meeting, the Chairman names the boy Mookyul Eun and gives him a home. Then, he educates his young protégé on a vast array of subjects.

Mookyul suffers some difficulties adjusting. He doesn’t want to disappoint the Chairman’s expectations, but he’s a child accustomed to living on the streets in total freedom. The young boy possesses a great passion for his education and begins displaying executive talents. As the child’s vast potential grows ever brighter, Chairman Lee learns to feel love for the first time. Despite being a strict disciplinarian in business, the old man starts creating excuses to leave work early. The two develop a very healthy relationship. These years become their happiest times together.

However, Mookyul starts feeling lonely. The Chairman isn’t marries and he knows nothing about raising children. He only has his own business-savvy father as a role model. This becomes a critical lack. Mookyul grows up without a mother, a kind maid, friends, brothers, or even distant relatives. He lives in a huge house now, but it’s still empty. He doesn’t attend school because he takes his lessons at home. There simply exists no one for Mookyul to get close to besides Mr. Lee, but even he must squeeze the boy in and out of a busy work schedule. Blind to Mookyul’s pain, the elderly man feels satisfied over the parental job he’s doing.

One day, the Chairman decides to arrange Mookyul’s marriage to an upper-class girl to establish the young boy as his heir. To this end, he introduces Mookyul to his vast social circle as a distant relative. This critical juncture is where their relationship starts to rupture.

When sent to a party to make friends, Mookyul beats up all the kids his age and comes home. Instead of scolding him, Mr. Lee asks Mookyul for an explanation. The young boy gives him a shocking answer, ‘I was almost raped.’ From that moment on, the Chairman realizes that Mookyul has a strange effect on people. When they see him, their eyes become full of desire. Suddenly, he turns overprotective.

The benevolent patriarch steadily descends down a spiral of obsession. He forbids Mookyul from having a social life. He changes all the tutors to men to prevent women from flirting. When that action proves ineffective, the Chairman fires all the tutors. He becomes extreme and places Mookyul on a lockdown, so that the boy can’t even step one foot outside the manor. Hiding the boy from the outside world, Mr. Lee eventually realizes that he himself might be seeing Mookyul in a darker light. No other person has ever made him feel such intense jealousy as Mookyul does. Frightened by his own shameful desires, even the Chairman avoids the boy.

As fate would have it, Mookyul begins puberty and starts rebelling. Attempts at parenting fail disastrously and the chasm between the two men grows wider. With impure feelings tormenting him, Mr. Lee postpones time and again announcing Mookyul as his heir. Psychologically exhausted, he receives a marriage proposal. This throws Mookyul into rage and shock. Feeling bitter over not being made a ‘Lee,’ it becomes the final straw. (Of course, Mookyul doesn’t know that the old man has no intention of following through on the marriage.)

Believing himself abandoned, Mookyul goes fully astray. He angers the Chairman by having an affair with one of the man’s close confidants. He harasses the bride-to-be. The two men eventually reach a tipping point on their emotional cliff. Their relationship falls off into a dark place they never should have gone.

They sexually cross the line. From this point on, Mookyul becomes an object of lustful desire for the Chairman, someone capable of plunging him against his will down into depravity. He considers casting everything aside and taking Mookyul as his lover, but the age difference feels too great. Miserable beyond compare, Mr. Lee helplessly watches Mookyul grow into a strong and powerful man. Meanwhile, he wastes away with age.

Up to this point, torment and insecurity have never touched the Chairman’s life. Now they do, and it’s almost too much for him to bear. He makes heroic attempts to maintain his composure, but in the end he falls prey to obsession and jealousy.

Now, it’s Mookyul’s turn to be clueless about his mentor’s feelings. He just doesn’t understand insecurity as an idea. He lacks nothing and feels no weakness. Therefore, he doesn’t care whether or not other people experience lack. People can feel pitiful just by being around him. For any person with feelings for Mookyul, love can be a tortured experience. And so, the longer the two men remain together, the more they hurt each other.

Finally the Chairman sends Mookyul to the Gangdong district office. The young man starts at the bottom and quickly rises to the top on his own merit. He meets Killer Bear and solidifies his hold on the district without the old man’s assistance. The physical distance deteriorates their relationship further into something strange. They aren’t lovers, nor are they father and son. Mookyul accepts and makes peace with this new reality. But, Mr. Lee can’t. He remains lost in a tempest of dark emotions. Unknown to Mookyul, his mentor finally reaches a psychological breaking point through various stresses.

One day, the Chairman sends a mysterious gun to Mookyul. Unaware of the gun’s true purpose, Mookyul believes it to be a gift. Suddenly, the Chairman arrives and inflicts great physical and psychological upon Mookyul. Then, as shown at the beginning of Volume 6 of “Totally Captivated,” Mookyul cries out, ‘Why on earth are you doing this to me?’ Mookyul finally realizes the purpose of the weapon and shoots the Chairman with it.

Chairman Lee wishes to die by Mookyul’s hand, but the bullet misses a vital area and he survives. The old man sighs at his unfortunate fate. He’s not even allowed to end his life in the desired manner. Mr. Lee seeks his protégé out again. Believing he had killed his only mentor, Mookyul secludes himself in sorrow. In a final act of separation, Mr. Lee splits off the Gangnam branch and gives it to Mookyul.

Mookyul is 20 years-old at this point in the story. Here’s where Mookyul says, ‘…I’ll be your obedient dog until I turn 30. But afterwards, I might turn around and rip out your throat as well,’ as seen in Volume 1. The story continues from here in ‘Dairy of Sangchul.’”

Basically Mookyul’s timeline:
• 13: meets Ewon and the Chairman (There’s a couple of months in-between the
two meetings. Also Ewon would be 10 when he met Mookyul because there’s a 3
year difference between them.)
• 15: never forgot about Ewon, but starts to desire him in a romantic way now
(Mookyul says to Ewon that he has been waiting 10 years to be with him.)
• 17: sleeps with the Chairman
• 17-19: gets sent to the Gangdong district office and meets Killer Bear (Remember
when the guys were gushing about how great a fighter Mookyul was and said
that Mookyul wasn’t even 20 when he fought Killer Bear.)
• 20: becomes in charge of Gangnam branch and this is where “Diary of Sangchul”
begins

You can’t really tell, but the “Diary of Sangchul” happens over a 5-6 year period. Mookyul is 25 years old when he meets Ewon again (confirmed by both the author in the character profiles and Sangchul in the story: Mookyul is 20 when Sangchul starts to work for him and says that he’s been with Mookyul for 5-6 years. Ewon is present for Mookyul’s 26th birthday (the ring).)

I was wondering the other day why I keep coming back to the “Totally Captivated” series because while the art is beautiful, I prefer other types more. I realized it’s because the characters are multidimensional and fascinating: both Mookyul and Ewon have so many issues that probably won’t be solved (at least not without therapy) and it’s so realistic considering what they both went through. Furthermore, the readers get to see why both characters are the way are; we get an in depth background for both. So while their relationship may be dysfunctional at times (co-dependent, possessive, etc.), it’s understandable and on the whole, as healthy of a relationship as it can be considering their current mentality.

Mookyul blurs the lines between love for a parent/authority figure and a lover, and finds nothing wrong with it. The Chairman falls between the two because although Mookyul wants parental love, he can never really have it considering the Chairman has more than platonic feelings for him. Mookyul just accepts the sexual part of their relationship, but he doesn’t consider it sex either, for it's more of trying to understand his mentor than anything else. Plus, he's unbearably lonely. Why I find their relationship so fascinating is because the only person Mookyul has ever truly loved (romantically) is Ewon and I love this so much, in a twisted way. No wonder why it would be a torturous experience for anyone in love with Mookyul.

Quite a few people did not understand or agree with how Ewon handled the situation with his sister. Sure, he probably could have done more (call child protective services or something), but I think him leaving her was probably the smartest decision he could have made. Ewon was projecting onto his little sister which should not have been the reason for wanting to raise her. He thought he could pretty much raise “himself” again and give “himself” the family he was deprived of, however he could not have provided a healthy environment for her. His sister wanted him to live with her and their mother, the woman who left him for dead. She literally abandoned him in a shack and did not care whether he lived or not. Even after all this, she practically guilted him to look after his sister after not speaking to each other for years. As long as the sister is a minor, she will have be with their mother which means Ewon will still have to interact with her even if he lives separately from them. This is not a healthy situation for any of the three to be in. Ewon made sure his sister will be taken care of financially, but he’s still not in a healthy of mentality to raise her. But the biggest reason why he left his sister is because of Mookyul. Considering all that he’s been through, Ewon deserves a little happiness which just so happens to be Mookyul so I can handle with him being selfish in this instance. He’s already suffered for 23 years and almost came very close to death, only surviving by luck. Any interaction with his family, at the moment, would be torturous.

They’re both so messed up, but when they’re together, they act like almost children and I find it beautiful that two broken children would find love with each other.

1♥ Like

Responses

Anonymous July 3, 2017 1:20 pm

Thanks for writing this. :) very interesting.

I'm still a little bit confused about the timeline, 17 years old sleep together. Does that mean they have penetrated sex at 17? And they have oral sex before 17?

jpotter July 3, 2017 7:52 pm

Thanks for writing this. :) very interesting. I'm still a little bit confused about the timeline, 17 years old sleep together. Does that mean they have penetrated sex at 17? And they have oral sex before 17? @Anonymous

Thank you :)

Mookyul and the Chairman "sleep" together for the first time when Mookyul is 17. They never engaged in anything sexual before that. Even though the two "sleep" with each other, they do not have penetrative sex, just oral sex. Intercourse/Sex is "the physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person"; it doesn't have to be penetrative for it to be considered intercourse/sex. However, Mookyul only considers someone his lover if they have penetrative sex. This isn't how sex works in reality, but this is Mookyul's p.o.v. and this is a work of fiction.

Also in "Dairy of Sangchul," Mookyul says, "The old man doesn't like piercing holes in my body...in more ways than one." It was a double entendre, so he just wasn't talking about tattoos.

Anonymous July 4, 2017 1:12 am

Thanks for clarifying it for me :)

Anonymous July 5, 2017 7:50 am

Wow. thank you so so much for this. I debated leaving a comment for so long on this manhua but since there was a lot of confusing items I couldn't fully write something. It makes me feel a lot better reading this to know both MK and President's perspective, now it makes sense why the Pres left him on his own, and in the end adopts him as a real son when MK decides to break all ties. It explains a lot that is implied but was confusing because there was too much left in mystery. I still HATE the whole situation and this manhua will forever be tainted (I loved parts of it but can't reread it because I'm scarred for life) but this makes me feel a little better

jpotter July 5, 2017 9:36 pm

Thank you for reading :)

I understand you because I didn't think I would reread this years ago, yet here I am.
¯_(ツ)_/¯

weed July 9, 2017 8:06 am

if only I know this , LOL but still leave me bad feeling about old man

kyouran July 12, 2017 4:18 am

if only I know this , LOL but still leave me bad feeling about old man weed

I thank the Gods for YOU! :)
I loooooooved your dissertation and background information; even though I still feel nauseated thinking about Mookyul and the Pres being intimate (aggggggg), having that background story does humanize the old man a bit; it brought me from utterly despising the old man to just disliking him, and it does make a major difference that they didn't engage sexually until Mookyul was 17. It is still wrong, but at least it didn't happen when Mookyul was younger. Based on the history of the majority of comments, the bulk of us had inferred that their sexual relationship did not consist of penetration, but boy! does that background information make the story even richer!

I also agree with Ewon's decision regarding his little sister. When I first read the manga, I also noticed a lot of people criticized him for "abandoning" her, but I argued that he didn't abandon her, he financially settled her and his mother; but keeping in contact with his sister would necessarily involve interminable problems and emotional abuse that their mother's mental illness implied. So there was nothing else he could have done that would've been fair for both him and Mookyul. Also, people tend to forget that both Ewon and Mookyul have emotional/mental problems of their own, therefore, their home, their intimacy is viable for them, but not conducive to a healthy environment for anyone else, let alone a teenager. I mean, Mookyul confessed to Ewon that he had fantasized/considered murdering his mom, sister, and even Ewon! to get it (the pain) over with; that shows that both Ewon and Mookyul have a long way to go towards emotional healing and stability and they are nowhere near ready to tackle the responsibility of raising a child.

Thank you so much for your wonderful post! :)

kyouran July 12, 2017 4:24 am

jpotter July 12, 2017 5:05 am

if only I know this , LOL but still leave me bad feeling about old man weed

Thanks for reading and I completely understand your feelings! It still makes me feel nauseous when I go back to read the whole thing. In the end, it makes me feel better that Ewon is in a completely different league than everyone else for Mookyul.

jpotter July 12, 2017 5:10 am

Thank you for reading!

It's actually kind of funny, but it's because I read some of your comments that I finally decided to type this up and post it. I completely agree with you on the whole "Ewon forgiving Mookyul easily" topic!

Darling21 July 12, 2017 10:06 pm

Wooooo! Thank you so much! This was an amazing post! Now I can understand their situation so much better! :) I kinda feel bad for Mookyul and the old man :( but hey! For me this story is still the best....two wounded puppies seeking for love and finding that love in each other...I just love Ewon and Mookyul so muchhhh

Silea July 26, 2017 7:56 am

Thank you so much for writing this. It means a lot to me, I loved this manga since I was a teenager and there are moments where I feel understood by the characters. Your text helped me fill some gaps!

Anon_aug November 9, 2018 7:26 am

I need to clarify.. if mookyul doesn’t consider it oral sex as ‘sex’ with the old man... then why does he lie to ewon?
He lies to ewon on more than one occasion... like when he is kissing the old man... so he does understand somewhere that what he is doing is wrong... mookyul doesn’t meet ewon’s eye when lying...

jpotter November 10, 2018 8:10 am

This is my personal opinion, for I don't know what the author thought while she wrote and created her work: just because Mookyul doesn't view what he does with the President sexual doesn't mean that he doesn't think it wouldn't negativity affect his (romantic) relationships with other people. Or at the very least, the one relationship that Mookyul actually cares about. (It's been a while, so I'm going to ramble a bit before getting to my point.)

Before Ewon, Mookyul didn't exactly hide his relationship with the President from the general public: in ch. 5, Mookyul yells at the President, "You told everyone, didn't you? That you and I are an item?!" He then goes in and stays inside with the President despite Namhyung Kim insinuating that the two are lovers. Even when Ewon walks in on the two, he states that "They weren't even surprised or startled when I walked in. In fact, they made it seem like I was walking in on them." This pattern of behaviour suggests that even though the President and Mookyul aren't open about the nature of their relationship (due to many reasons: (the President's) reputation, his feelings of hate/love towards Mookyul, etc.), they don't exactly deny anything. This is exemplified when Sangchul confronts Mookyul and the President.

This brings up the question of "If they weren't denying anything, how is it that no one knew?", and by "no one", I mean Jiho and past lovers in general. Frankly, I don't think any of them stuck around long enough to speculate. These relationships occurred not because Mookyul loved any of them. Even so, the President would insert himself because of his jealousy and of his want of monopolizing Mookyul. The President's insertion would be subtle: by taking the couple shopping to show off, staying over at Mookyul's apartment at random odd times, punishing Mookyul for being in relationships, etc.; he didn't need to be direct because none of them were a threat to him. However, if someone had paid close attention, it would've been obvious. Apparently, it never happened though. Until Ewon that is.

This long rambling is all to show that Ewon is special to Mookyul: Ewon is the first person that Mookyul cares enough about to try a serious relationship with. Chapters 27-28 are when Ewon and Mookyul finally define their relationship; now, they're "serious." However, not before Ewon says that Mookyul "owes" him (the truth). Mookyul mistakenly believes that this is a complaint of him not being affectionate enough; he doesn't even consider that Ewon might be referring to his relationship with the President. Because of his surprise, I don't think Mookyul ever believed that his relationship with the President would be addressed and by someone he loved. So, he lies because he saw how much it affected Ewon. I don't know whether Mookyul thought what he was doing with the President as right or wrong (I don't think that it's that simple), but he did see that Ewon felt strongly about this. The relationship with his "father" might not make sense to Ewon, but it makes sense to Mookyul. (This really shows how messed up Mookyul is, right?)

I don't think that there's one reason that explains why Mookyul lied to Ewon. Did Mookyul consciously know that what he was doing was wrong? I don't think so. He has messed up views on what a parent should be like because his only source of parental guidance and affection comes from the President. Did he subconsciously think his relationship with the President was wrong? Probably, and I don't think he viewed it as "wrong" per se. We, the readers, know that it's messed up, but Mookyul, who grew up as a neglected orphan and then then had an abusive relationship with his "father", took and kept what he could. He admired the man who saved him, but he knew that there really wasn't a definition to their relationship: "They aren’t lovers, nor are they father and son. Mookyul accepts and makes peace with this new reality." He doesn't even question it which is so awful.

I think your question could have multiple answers depending on how you look at it, but I think you'd have to analyze Mookyul's way of thinking in order to figure it out. It's important to take into consideration that Mookyul doesn't have a healthy view of relationships when doing this. (Sorry. That took longer than I thought it would. My head hurts from trying to put myself in Mookyul's position which is so unhealthy. I don't even know if I answered your question, but I'm tired so I'm going to end it here.)

jpotter November 10, 2018 8:20 am

Just to be clear about my feelings about the President (because I read your other comment), here's my comment to someone who tried to make excuses for the President:

"A lot of things mentioned in these comments bothered me, so I'm just going to state my observations and thoughts.

First of all, the Chairman is definitely vindictive and/or possessive (of Mookyul). When Ewon first meets the Chairman in ch. 8-9, the Chairman's attitude changes after Ewon says that he is Mookyul's lover. He tries to make Ewon insecure by saying, "He must've picked up my habits after staying with me since childhood." This comment alludes to: (1) the Chairman and Mookyul have a more-than-platonic relationship considering that the "biting habit" has sexual connotations, and (2) Mookyul and the Chairman have known each other for a long time which would make any lover feel self-conscious. Ewon's comment really nails the point down: "[The Chairman] first makes me out to be Mookyul's lover, but now he's being wary of me. If I was indeed [Mookyul's] lover, this would've been one awkward moment." The Chairman then says that he will be "staying the night" after alluding to his sexual relationship with Mookyul in front of Mookyul's "lover" and proceeds to kick Ewon and Sangchul out. That moment really shows that the Chairman was trying to show his dominance over Ewon who he considers Mookyul's lover.

In ch. 24, the Chairman side-eyes the hell out of Ewon after coincidentally encountering the pair. He lures Mookyul away by making him curious, and at the very least, kisses Mookyul when they're "alone." This is all done while knowing that Mookyul's lover is in the building and waiting.

In ch. 34, the Chairman tells Ewon that "[Mookyul] didn't always have such bad taste", that "[Mookyul] must crave those things [Ewon] that below par", that "after all, [Mookyul] is still young [to change his mind]" which is all said to make Ewon feel insecure. The Chairman did a background check on Ewon and threatens that "it made [the Chairman] look forward to thinking about the kind of response [Ewon's mother] would have". The Chairman clearly thinks he is Mookyul's most important person and isn't afraid to remind Ewon constantly: "Even if I were to cut open your throat right here, you wouldn't be able to defy my will. Self-delusions about your own importance or capabilities can do you harm."

Ch. 35 really shows the Chairman's possessiveness when Ewon says, "You could've met him outside, but you went out of your way to meet up here [i.e. the apartment Ewon and Mookyul share]. It was HIS idea, wasn't it?" The Chairman also took Jiho shopping which shows that the Chairman's has behaved like this before with all of Mookyul's lovers.

In "Mr. Sangchul's Diary", the Chairman tells Sangchul to report to him about everything Mookyul does "without leaving anything out," including "what [Mookyul] does and where" and "who he's with." The Chairman is definitely possessive of Mookyul by constantly showing off to Mookyul's lovers, by showing them that he is more important than any of them to Mookyul.

Second of all, Mookyul didn't seduce the Chairman or many other people. He only slept with the Chairman's close confidant and this is after finding out about the Chairman's marriage proposal. However, Mookyul was trying to anger the Chairman, not seduce him, because Mookyul felt abandoned. He is an orphan with abandonment issues, so you could imagine how he felt when he thought that the Chairman was also going to leave him.

Third of all, it is correct that Mookyul and the Chairman both contributed to the dysfunctional relationship, but it's definitely not just or even mostly Mookyul's fault. The Chairman is the adult in this relationship; more importantly, he's supposed to be the parental figure here. The Chairman, in the author's own words, "descends down a spiral of obsession" after finding about Mookyul's assault. He is able to shut Mookyul in and away from the rest of the world which just shows how much control the Chairman has over Mookyul. This is before Mookyul even starts puberty which most commonly occurs between ages 9-14 for boys (he's 13 when they meet). It's disturbing that the Chairman has these feelings of jealousy, desire, etc. for Mookyul when he's at such a young age and it keeps growing until it finally boils over. It is consensual when they finally sleep together, however, the responsibility mostly falls on the Chairman who is much older than Mookyul and who should know better.

I don't really want to talk about psychology, but it's pretty obvious that Mookyul has a lot of issues. He blurs the lines between "father" and "lover" and doesn't seem to find any fault with it. It's obvious that the Chairman didn't bother correcting Mookyul due to his own desires. I understand that the Chairman struggled with his feelings, but it doesn't excuse him of anything. He continued his relationship with Mookyul until he couldn't do it anymore."

Anon_aug November 16, 2018 9:45 pm

I am more confused that I was before. I have re-read it. You see that’s where I find the contradiction in mookyul ‘s character. On one end, I agree with you that he isn’t trying to hide his relationship with the president at all. But on the other end he lies so effortlessly. Also he’s truly only lied to ewon about his relationship with the president. So he understands that he is cheating even though there’s no penetrative sex... and the absence of a lover tag. But I feel that, though he felt confused about his relationship status with the president... I can’t help but think that he wanted both (ewon & president). He was clearly aware, what he was doing was cheating and that it was sex with the president. He knew it was sex.. the only thing he questioned was the tag of ‘lover’. I feel that he wanted to continue his relationship with the president coz of serious abandonment issues.. and didn’t want to give up on a 10year relationship with the president. I understand that there was no LOVE between mookyul & the president. The president had a feeling of obsession while mookyul felt he was duty bound. I think ewon said it best when he said ‘you thought u could split yourself evenly between the old perv & me’. I can’t help but feel that is what mookyul was actually going for. He wanted the parent, as well as the lover. But then again, Mookyul knew that the president is neither his father nor his lover (his own words). He still keeps insisting that he is a parent & not a lover, but he’s cheating on ewon with the president. I can’t understand mookyul at all... for me he’s all over the place. If I understand the character of mookyul then I think I might be able to put a lot of things in perspective. Plz tell me if I understand this incorrectly.

Second question: Ewon aims to make mookyul jealous by sleeping around. But I think he fails miserably. I don’t think Mookyul feels hurt at all by ewon sleeping around. This is where there is another ambiguity. Mookyuls character has been shown as extremely possessive & jealous by nature. Of course mookyul is a bit enraged at first but he gets over it so quickly. But the only thing that he is truly obsessed with is his relationship with the president. And then he gives up on that too in a matter of weeks going back to ewon.

Third question : did mookyl feel the same kind of jealousy for the president like he does for ewon as a lover even once? I have read the back stories but haven’t come up with the ans.

I m sorry this seems so elaborate.

The reason I come back to you is coz I feel u might have understood them the best. Regards.

jpotter November 20, 2018 2:56 am

Haha I don't think I'm the best at understanding these characters, but for some odd reason I really like them. Thanks anyways!

I don't think you're misunderstanding because Mookyul is definitely a character that's confusing because he's full of contradictions. He did lie to Ewon, but I don't think that HE thinks it's cheating. He subconsciously knows what he's doing with the President is wrong when he's in a relationship with Ewon but the thing is, Mookyul's so used to this kind of relationship with the President that he doesn't really question what it is anymore. The sex may have started when he was 17, but the mind-fuckery began long before that. It was an awful relationship for both the President and Mookyul: the President was trying to distance himself due to his feelings which had a negative impact on Mookyul, an abandoned child. This back-and-forth continued in a vicious cycle until something happened that never should have (sex). Neither the President nor Mookyul ever defined the relationship because neither knew what they were to each other: master/dog, lovers, father/son, etc. It wasn't clear, but Mookyul made peace with not knowing and just went along with it whereas the President continued to struggle. Whether Mookyul considered it cheating or not is ambiguous and this issue can be left up to the reader, so we can agree to disagree on this point.

I don't think it's quite as black/white to assume that the President and Mookyul's relationship had no love or that Mookyul just considered it as duty. I do think that Mookyul felt somewhat obligated to continue his relationship with the President, but it wasn't /just/ that. They did consider each other family (Mookyul wants to be his son so badly + the President does go personally to help out Mookyul in the end when Ewon tells him to go help his son) and other things. Even though they consider each other family, they don't have a family relationship most of the time, but they aren't lovers either. Do you see how confusing and toxic this relationship is? There isn't one clear category for them because their relationship is in many categories. And this is why, neither the President nor Mookyul have a clear definition for their relationship because it's so complicated.

Mookyul did want to keep both the President and Ewon. However, there's no way that that could have happened because Ewon and we, the readers, are healthy enough to realize what's really going on. Mookyul's only knowledge of how parents are supposed to be come from the President who doesn't exactly offer a healthy relationship. I think how we, you and me, view Mookyul are different because I see him as someone who's psychologically messed up since aside from those beginning years with the President, Mookyul doesn't grow up in a healthy environment. There are so many studies done on what happens in childhood affects people's adulthood. For example, Ewon isn't psychologically healthy either (i.e. his relationship with his mother affected the kinds of relationships he has with other people when he's older). Even so, he didn't have someone like the President overlooking him. Even though we and Ewon see that Mookyul is cheating, it's not that simple to Mookyul: he doesn't view his relationship with the President as one between lovers; even though he wants it to be and sometimes it is, this isn't a relationship between parent/child either. He gave up questioning it.

Mookyul cares deeply about Ewon and enough to leave the President. I think you're wrong about Mookyul not caring. He storms to Ewon's school when he find outs from Jiho that Ewon's been sleeping around; before that, he didn't know. After Ewon refused to get in the car, Mookyul holes himself up in a room and just drinks. He ignores everyone and even loses weight because all he does is drink. He might've continued drinking if Sangchul hadn't come. Mookyul is conflicted on what to do, but he makes up his mind after a talk with Sangchul which is he chooses Ewon. This might be seen as sudden, but Ewon is just that important to him. If any other person acted like this with Mookyul, he would not have cared. He loves Ewon that much that he would end his relationship with the President for him. Even if it might seem sudden, it's without any conflict and anguish. He could've died by how much he was drinking because he didn't know what to do. It took a lot for him to end the relationship, but that's because Ewon was worth it all.

Here's a comment on Ewon's "revenge" by Kyouran (which I agree with): "I also kind of disagree regarding Ewon easily forgiving Mookyul. Relative to time, it may have been just a month or weeks, but Ewon paid Mookyul back in the worst possible way by sleeping with other people, and even worst, by sleeping with his best friend; and the reason why that was the worst punishment is because Mookyul has to be one of the (if not the most) Jealous Possessive lover in the history of Yaoi, compounded by the fact that Ewon is really the first and only person Mookyul has really ever loved, so his possessiveness is intensified by this fact, his fear-based obsession in losing the only human being he has ever loved. In his specific case, it would have been less painful if Ewon would have made him wait a year, but remaining celibate; but instead, he really tore Mookyul's heart out and stomped on it by sleeping around, tormenting Mookyul to the brink of insanity knowing that his Fox Jung had slept/and was probably sleeping with other men, and worst, with Moon, because he knew that Ewon cared for his best friend."

Mookyul never felt any jealousy over the President's lovers (if he had any). The marriage proposal debacle happened because Mookyul thought he was being cheated out his inheritance or being adopted. He wasn't jealous that the President was marrying someone. It is kind of one-sided because it's only the President who has romantic feelings towards Mookyul disregarding the fact that said feelings are warped with feelings of jealousy, hate, and etc.

You're fine to ask me questions ;) They're fun to answer and I like this manhwa, but I think I'm going to end it here or take a longer to answer back if you ask me more of my opinions or questions. These replies are just getting too long. Sorry if my reply made you more confused btw; these are just my opinions so they're probably all over the place.

jpotter November 20, 2018 3:37 am

I forgot to mention that Ewon might not have done what he did to solely hurt Mookyul (which is why I put quotation marks around revenge). Ewon was hurting so he tried to alleviate that by sleeping around which doesn't make sense, but it's not supposed to because humans are irrational sometimes. Ewon was hurt because Mookyul is the first person that he let in, and he was betrayed. This sleeping around obviously wasn't done by rationally thinking it through; he just reacted. It may have started as consciously wanting to hurt Mookyul (i.e. "I'm making your fear a reality by sleeping with my best friend"), but it quickly devolved into self-destruction. It was Jiho who told Mookyul what was going on, not Ewon, so at that point, I think he just wanted to stop hurting by continuing doing what he was doing. He was on self-destructing path and it also hurt Mookyul.

Mookyul reacted right away after this and even you recognize Mookyul seemed to "suddenly" end his relationship with the President. Regardless of his reasons for sleeping around, what Ewon did have a powerful impact on Mookyul; it lead to Mookyul choosing Ewon over the President. It hurt Mookyul so much for the same reason it hurt Ewon when he found out about Mookyul and the President.

kyouran November 21, 2018 3:45 am

Just stepping here for a (long) moment (lol) to expand on a lot of the points jpotter has effectively articulated.

1.Regarding Mookyul’s behavior on his relationship with the President and his relationship with Ewon.

Mookyul’s contradicting behavior doesn’t have to be necessarily confusing. Mookyul’s first sexual experience (as far as the manhwa shows) was with the president at a young age. The president never sat down with Mookyul to discuss the nature of what they were doing. The president was too distraught with self-disgust and confusion himself to properly instruct, teach Mookyul about (appropriate) sex education; therefore, it is very understandable that, based on his young age, ignorance and isolation, Mookyul developed a warped understanding of the sexual nature between himself and the President, compounded by sincere feelings of caring towards his parent figure; a sort of misconception and even cognitive distortion. To Mookyul, what he and the president did was not sexual in nature and therefore, in his mind it did not constitute cheating. Mookyul never consciously lied to Ewon about cheating with the Pres because he didn’t consider it as such.

In Mookyul’s mind, what he did with the President and what he did with Ewon are two separate things. With the President it was about bonding with and showing deference to his father, and with Ewon, it was about having sex and enjoying physical pleasure with his lover. I would argue that the main reason Mookyul wouldn’t want Ewon to know is in deference to the President’s privacy and not his own. Another reason could be that even though Mookyul’s cognitive distortion allowed him to rationalize the act with the Pres as non-sexual, at a sub-conscious level he recognized the act as intimate enough to bother Ewon, and thus, preferred to not to disclose it. The Manhwa made it very clear that Mookyul didn’t want to give up neither the President nor Ewon, but only insofar as any person wouldn’t want to choose between their parents and their lovers, not because Mookyul was being “sexually greedy” but because he genuinely didn’t perceive the relationships to be in conflict, and especially because Mookyul felt a great sense of loyalty, gratitude and genuine caring for the President. This was made very clear to us here:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c038/6/

This is where Sangchul tells Mookyul that children are not meant to remain at their parents’ side forever. In that moment, Sanchul freed Mookyul from the chains of loyalty and obligation Mookyul felt towards the President and to feel ok about wanting to make his own way with his lover.

Cognitive distortion and dissonance are very real psychological mechanisms that, in this case, can helps us understand Mookyul’s (warped) perspective on his emotional and sexual relationship with the Pres and Ewon.

2.Ewon sleeping with other people to make Mookyul jealous.

I can see why some people would think Ewon wanted to get back at Mookyul, but not necessarily because he wanted to make Mookyul jealous, but because Ewon was emotionally devastated and stopped caring about his body; he felt utterly betrayed and bitterly resented the fact that he had committed himself, against his better judgement, to a monogamous relationship with Mookyul expecting reciprocity. The manhwa emphasizes Mookyul as aggressively pursuing and wooing Ewon. Ewon didn’t want to expose himself emotionally and did his damdest to resit Mookyul. He even cheated on Mookyul once at the beginning of their sexual relationship, but Mookyul’s persistence pays off and Ewon finally opens up to Mookyul and accepts his feelings for him. We can see this happening here:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c033/18/

In a very vulnerable moment, Ewon admits to himself and that “he’s not alone”; that he has someone he can trust and rely on, something he refused to do as a result of the abuse and abandonment Ewon suffered at the hands of his mother. It was extremely difficult for Ewon to allow himself to be vulnerable, to open up to his feelings and accept Mookyul. During the confrontation, Mookyul reminds Ewon he cheated at the beginning of their relationship and Ewon responds that he has been faithful ever since:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c035/12/

This is a very emotive moment. It reminds us that for Ewon, commitment and trust are extremely precious and fragile concepts. When Ewon discovers that Mookyul cheated on him all that time with the President, he is emotionally devastated. He walks out of that apartment defeated and all he wants to do is forget.

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c036/3/

The level of emotional desolation Ewon is feeling at that moment is simply too great for him to indulge such a petty emotion as cheating revenge. When Ewon sleeps with his best friend, revenge is not his motivation, but refusing to owe him for the room and board. Ewon tells his friend “I’ll pay you rent” by sleeping with him. After such a devastating betrayal, Ewon refuses to owe anything to anybody ever again, and since he doesn’t have any money, he chooses to use his body to pay his friend:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c036/4/

We can infer that, by sleeping around, Ewon is trying to accomplish two things: 1) he’s trying to regain his sense of self and autonomy he had before meeting Mookyul, which Ewon feels wasted on a person that didn’t deserve his commitment and 2) he doesn’t care about living anymore, and starts playing a sort of Russian roulette by sleeping around and exposing himself to catching a deadly sexual disease. In short, Ewon sleeps around not to make Mookyul jealous, but simply because he’s on a downward spiral of self-destruction.

3.On Mookyul not feeling jealous over Ewon sleeping around.
I think the Mahwa is also very clear on this. Mookyul has never been shown to be possessive of anyone other than Ewon. During the confrontation, Mookyul slaps Ewon after Ewon calls his friend and offers to sleep with him immediately followed by mocking his feelings for Mookyul:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c035/14/

He immediately goes to look for Ewon at Moon’s house and causes a scandal and only backs off at gunpoint; he later discovers that Ewon’s friend is Congressman Moon’s grandson, and can’t go after him because he’s a major client, which pisses him-the-fuck-off, but his hands are tied.

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c036/10/

Mookyul didn’t know that Ewon was sleeping around; he only found out about it until Jiho told him, and Mookyul is clearly shown tormented at the idea of Ewon sleeping with others, and torn between his desire to run after Ewon and his responsibilities toward the President:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c037/3/

However, his desire for Ewon wins out and he goes after him at school where he tries to take Ewon by force and is only unsuccessful because other people intervened. Immediately after that, we are shown Mookyul going through his own downward spiral of self-destruction, from which Sangchul saves him by helping Mookyul understand that it is normal to leave a parent’s side and be with one’s lover, and that choosing one’s lover doesn’t mean that the emotional bond with one’s parent is severed:

http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c037/11/
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c038/2/
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/totally_captivated/mh/c038/7/

4.Regarding Mookyul feeling possessive of the President.
Neither the Manhwa nor any subsequent djs have shown Mookyul to feel jealous and possessive of the President or anyone other than his Fox Jung. What we are told by the Manhwaga’s explanation that jpotter kindly shared with us, is that as a result of his obsession and possessiveness, the President isolated Mookyul from everyone. Mookyul was starving for affection, attention and love. We can infer the root of Mookyul’s warped attachment to the President is rooted on that psychological isolation; and if he ever felt jealous for the Pres, it wasn’t with sexual in nature, but emotional in nature. It would be understandable for a child to be feel jealous of anyone taking away the time and attention of the human being central to their lives; however, Mookyul was never shown to be jealous and possessive of anyone other than Ewon.

I really enjoyed going back and re-reading TC, lol. I love this manhwa passionately. In my top 3 shelf along with Finder and Saezuru :)

jpotter November 21, 2018 6:55 am

Thanks for expanding even more! I was getting a bit disorientated for a second. I thought I was answering simple questions, but those questions kept leading to other things to think about. It wasn't until my last comment that I realized how I'm viewing Mookyul's character might not be how everyone else views him.

If he's perceived as someone who's healthy then his actions do make him seem like an awful person. But I see him as someone who's damaged, and although the things he does might not make sense to outsiders, it does for him. Essentially this is where the whole psychology element factors in which you are so much better at explaining! (Agh I ended up using such generic terms which makes me cringe, and (to anyone reading) I'm sorry if that offended you!) Basically, I agree with you and thanks for jumping in :)

Author's Notes + My Thoughts

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