Thank you for sharing! In my opinion, her mom is being way to protective and restricting. And the reason for this (once again, in my opinion) is because her mother is just scared of losing her daughter/letting go. She loves her daughter deeply and is afraid for them to be apart. I assume she's afraid for the day Suzy goes off and lives her own life, and they won't see each other much anymore. And since this has been going on for 19 years without being told that she is being over protective, it will be harder to let go. I hope this helped? (〜￣△￣)〜
Wow, thank you for sharing that. Personally, I feel terrible for Suzy, what her mum is doing to her sounds almost close to emotional abuse. If I were you I would be really worried about this as well.
Maybe they should consider counselling, so that they can get to the bottom of why she's so restricting and find a way to work on it together
My mother was exactly like this when I was between 11-15 years old - Luckily for her I wasn't that social so we didn't have much fights or arguments about it and I would rarely go outside because of those two reasons - When I did however I was always the first of my friends to leave due to my overprotective mother - Now that I'm 17 my mother has loosened up to the idea of me going out more often (I even went to Japan a few months ago but obvious delated with her augments against it) Since I've been in a similar situation to your friend in question I would suggest this - Have her father involved in the matter (that helped convince my mother to allow to go to Japan) or someone family related that both the mother and daughter can trust to talk about this semi-serious matter - that's all I can say
I do apologised for my shitty English though - best of luck
Thank you for taking the time to read and replying! And I also agree with your opinion, but it does get frustrating for me when I hear how Suzy feels so restrained. I guess I decided to share because it was so frustrating to me as her close friend. But your words remninded me that her mom has reasons as well. Thank you again! :)
Thank you for replying! I've also felt that her mom's words are hurtful and I wondered that if she truly loved her daughter, then she wouldn't say such things. But Kuma-chan pointed out to me that it's also because her mom loves her so much that she's so restricting. Sigh, psychology am I right? I can only hope that her mom will loosen up her grip and accept that she's growing up. Thank you again for your opinion. :)
No problem ;)
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience. It helps when someone who has been in a similar situation shares since it could shed light on things.
(Accidently posted a reply before I could finish)
I appreciate your advice and I will keep it in mind for future reference. Hopefully one day, Suzy will get to venture out and do more things that will give her fun experiences freely (like going out to eat to a place that's 30 minutes away). I find it amazing that you managed to convience your mom for that Japan trip (totally jealous btw). Maybe Suzy's mom will loosen up as time goes and adjust to all the changes...at least that's what I hope for.
Thank you for taking time to read and reply! :D
(Your English was perfectly fine.)
Crazy how the human mind works isn't it. All I can say is I wish you, Suzy and her mum all the best for the future, and I hope that an understanding can be reached. Thanks for reading!
No worries my advice shorten up is basically "communication is key" - since it already seemed like your friend talks to her mother about the situation - an extra pair of opinions can make a difference or even changer her mindset like in my situation my father being involved or relatives.
I thought I'd never be the type of person to share personal problems online with strangers, yet here I am. So, here it goes.
I have a very close friend (let's call her Suzy). We've been friends since the 6th grade (now currently 19 years old and college students.) When I first met Suzy, I soon discovered at how sheltered and unique of a person she was. (never seen any Disney movies, didn't watch Spongebob until HS, the list goes on lol.)
To give an example, this event happened after a year of friendship with Suzy. Our group of friends had been practicing an for the upcoming talent show and managed to finish our "rehearsal" early. Wanting to hang out more, we decided to go to the nearby park which was about a 5 minute drive. Mind you, there was an adult (my mom) available to accompany us. Suzy had borrowed the phone to call her mom for permission, only to be yelled at and ultimately not allowed to go.
It wasn't until years later, towards the end of freshman/beginning of sophomore year of high school, that Suzy was allowed to have her first sleep-over. Even then, Suzy had to call her mom constantly (every 2 hours or so) to reassure her that she is fine.
Over the past 8 years, I've learned about Suzy and I would often describe her to be a loving daughter. She would always accompany her mom on trips to Costco (I've joined in on several occasions), always do her chores (had to clean the house everyday, do the entire family's laundry, and wash the dishes), and always went to the gym at night to workout together (often couldn't hang out w/ me b/c of this.) They even have matching outfits!
As college came around, Suzy ventured out by becoming more social, like joining several clubs and joining a sorority (we commute from home). Due to the increase in activities, Suzy was home less and often stayed out until around 12 for club activities (like dance practice.) Her mom is often upset because of this. However, Suzy has always been a person to strongly believe in her values and opinions. She often explains to her mom that everything she does, it is for school and believed her mom should loosen her hold. However, her mom still becomes angry and often pushes it to far by saying things like "You're no longer my daughter. Our relationship is over." or guilt-tripping Suzy by saying, "You don't love me anymore." which hurts Suzy's feelings as she loves her mom deeply.
Just recently, Suzy got to hang out with me at my house for the first time in awhile. Our definition of a good time is to chat and have anime/movie/k-drama marathons. So nothing extreme. Suzy still continues to update her mom by texting what she is doing at the moment or when she will be coming home. At this point, I believed that nothing would be wrong for Suzy to stay over at my house late a night because 1) we've been friends for eight years and 2) she lives 10 minutes away. I was proven wrong. At 11:30 pm, I heard a loud honking outside and it turns out it was Suzy's mom who came to force Suzy to come home. So at this point, Suzy feels restrained and very frustrated with her mom since she's already 19.
So I'd like for opinions. Is Suzy's mom too restrictive or is Suzy being immature? Am I wrong to be concerned?
I'm also very sorry for the novel of a question. I felt that some background information might've been necessary. I might also just have a biased view so maybe a stranger's opinion might help. Thank you so much for reading this long-ass rant.