This has been bugging me for days so I am letting it out here

so let me summarise

inseo has these intense feelings towards his friend which he himself describes as dirty and possessive in his own words. he is afraid that if Hyuk knows these feelings then their long held bond would break. he also assumes that there won't be any form of romantic relationship between them

so in order to distract himself from this feeling, he starts physical relationship with others. it is mentioned that he is an hedonist.

now why this is not considered true love is, first of all if he is truly in love with Hyuk he should not be able to get turned on by others but he had the mental and physical capacity to be attracted by so many other people.

If he really felt hollow then he shouldn't have enjoyed his physical connections with other but he is an hedonist. an hedonist is someone who thinks that worldly pleasures are the peak form of life. which means he literally enjoyed his physical connection with others though there was nothing emotional. It's contradictory to his claims and confession.

this means he didn't truly love hyuk like he claims, just had some form of desire towards him, a fragmented feeling as he enjoyed himself with others by redirecting this desire onto others.

But also felt jealous that others approach hyuk to date and feeling relieved that hyuk isn't dating while he himself dates others. he wanted Hyuk to remain single while he didn't hold himself up for that life.

Even if he is moving on then he is still an ass to wish Hyuk doesn't date anyone then turn around and go on dates himself. That is what an hypocritical person would do. "Rule for thee none for me".I am 100% sure if Hyuk went on a date with someone else, Inseo would have sabotaged it. You can never convince me otherwise.

so when author tries to sell this as one true love or first love it just feels misleading. it falls flat in the face of the meaning of one true love or first love.

it would have been a good story if the feelings before the relationship simply remained dirty and possessive but nothing else especially not love.

it would have been a story of a man who is selfish, coward, narcissist, hypocrite and would have had antagonistic vibes but got the love at the end that he actually didn't deserve because Hyuk though not aware of his feelings remained a fucking virgin. His feelings were a combination of obsession, fear and desire but not love. Never love.

You can ask me can't it be an unrequited love?? while at surface it might feel like it but if you dig deeper all it tells is that he wanted Hyuk like he wanted a toy, not as a person. He just wanted to possess Hyuk. Inseo really didn't put in any work to prove that whatever feelings he had is love. All the proof that I can see is him claiming it as love and he suffered but what did he suffer... Suffered because he got sexually involved with others?? He could have stopped it if he really suffered or if it's form of self inflicted suffering but according to character setting he enjoyed himself because he is a fucking hedonist. So no he didn't suffer if he is actively carrying condom around to sleep with a stranger and also take them on dates to movies and even formed friendships with the people he slept with and nowhere it showed him suffering from sleeping around and it even confirmed he enjoyed it.

So what else did he suffer? I agree he had this immense fear of losing Hyuk because of his feelings but that doesn't equal first love bullshit he claims. His actions are exact opposite of a person who had this deep love for another. If he wants no one else to come in between them then he should not have brought so many people to his bed either.

so when he couldn't hold back anymore all I can think is he couldn't hold back his physical desires for his object of emotional desire because he is just horny. it's not true love or first love and it's misleading to paint it as such.

Hyuk was literally a sex outlet to him and nothing else, I mean he didn't wanna date, give him a title of boyfriend but just fuck him like friends with benefits because he is afraid he will lose him if they date like what????? And he says he loves him. Is that how you would treat someone you love?

He literally gave the people he fucked before the title of girlfriend because he was okay with breaking up with them but he wouldn't give any title to the person he apparently loves and doesn't want to lose except the title of bed warmer. The fuck is this "love"?

inseo had every right to sleep with others (even while having feelings for someone) and enjoy it but neither him nor the author had any right to claim whatever his feelings for inseo before or during initial phase of the relationship as true love. Should never claim that he has been in love all along. I mean how come you can take someone to date and fuck them and come back and claim you are in love with your best friend. It's disgusting when the authors claim this shit as love just because they can.

It's not love if he can easily replace his "love" with so many other people. It's just lust, physical desire. It should not be sold as true love in the stories and should be given a title for what it is - maybe like crush or limerence (I totally googled the second term(▰˘◡˘▰) )

PS: also if inseo is said to be bisexual I am just astonished that he never slept with a man throughout his hedonistic phase of life.