Memories lol

Found an old comment I made wen I read this in 2017. I was obsessed with this shit lol I can’t even rn. Literally couldn’t put it down for nothing read it top to bottom, got more flabbergasted by the increasing insanity coz wat dyu mean ure inlove with ur fucking grandpa and decided to do something about it by seducing him and succeeding in dickmatizing him and yawl falling even deeper inlove with each other. 2017 was a time fr lol. Story will keep you fucking hooked even tho ure disturbed. There was def a incest/psuedo incest kink thing going around in bl manga circles during that time lol and i ate that shit up. Nothing more attention grabbing than the exploration of taboos in story format. Both the consensual and non con forms they were explored in. There’s a particular manga can’t remember the name now coz I quite literally purged that shit from my mind coz it traumatized me so bad about these two brothers where the one that claimed to be deeply inlove with him and had been framed as a fragile character who he was deeply devoted to from the older brothers perspective proceeded to rape him. And sure basing ur plot around sexual assault while dismissing the dehumanizing nature of it and the subsequent physical and mental trauma of it was par for the course back then like yawl think it’s bad now but yawl don’t understand how it was then lol but the difference between this manga and the others was that the author was not ignoring anything or using rape as a plot point. She was fr about that shit. God I can’t begin to describe how that shit broke me coz it was such a raw exploration and expression of dealing with and living with the reality of being constantly assaulted, degraded, dehumanized and broken by a trusted individual. We watch the older brother go through so much shit. It was literally such a fucked situation all around. Obsessed younger bro couldn’t handle the fact that a close work friend was seeking to deepen his relationship with his brother in a romantic sense and he proceeds to rape him and never fucking stops. We watch the older bro be slowly methodically broken down physically and mentally piece by piece till there’s nothing left. He’s so broken and terrified and miserable and despises his brother while still loving him and despised himself for somehow nurturing such a desire in his brother so much so that he would commit such atrocities on him. The mental downward spiral, the self hate, the raw fear, the craving for physical death as his soul was already dead and through all this clinging to the one source of solace, comfort and normalcy from his work friend (senpai) just so he wouldn’t lose himself completely and his humanity. The desperate craving for human connection but also the rejection of help wen offered. The eventual acceptance that to be broken was his plight in life and he deserved the punishment. The difference between who he was as a person at the start of the story and who he became after was staggering to witness. He was literally a shell of himself just waiting to die and that shit broke me fr. And it wasn’t only his psyche that was explored we see the younger brother as he continues to rape his brother as a way to assert himself in his brothers life and the cognitive dissonance of justifying his actions even as he watched his brother loose himself and his will to live coz surely if he raped him enough times and forced physiologically reactions due to constant stimulation which he delusionally interpreted as pleasure his brother experienced during their “love making” then surely his brother would finally love him they way he wanted right. The glee and elation he felt from possessing his brother in such a way that the senpai would never experience and traumatizing him so much so he couldn’t begin to ask for help from his senpai who he was deeply jealous of and would forever remain trapped in his web. The slow realization that instead of making his brother love him after breaking him but that he had destroyed him so deeply there was nothing left of him and nothing left to offer him the love he so deeply craved from his brother. His desperation in trying to save a man that had given up on himself that only seemed to worsen his brothers condition. Through all this he still doesn’t stop assaulting his brother btw coz that is wat every sexual encounter between them was even as he lied to himself that him not violently assaulting his brother would somehow make things better. Him having to face himself as the monster he always was while still desperate for love from the victim of his violence. Finally acknowledging and accepting the reality that they would never be anything to each other as he had destroyed that but still desperately clinging to his brother. Facing his brothers loathing and hate and that finally being wat breaks him which was one of the most satisfying chapters for me. The senpais perspective was also explored. He’d clocked that younger bro was insane and obsessed from the get go and said as much but to no avail. Him watching the love of his life slowly waste away while being unable to do anything to stop it as his love wouldnt and couldn’t accept his help. Knowing the cause of it and being stuck in valley of no return.
That manga was a fucking masterpiece. I will forever love that the mangaka didn’t give the story a happy ending of any sort as that simply wasn’t possible with a story of this nature. Everything was too raw and real and fucked up and literally every single character was fucking miserable . I was broken just reading it. Most irritating but not unexpected were the fools that constantly romanticized wat was happening like any part of it was romantic in any sense of the word. I highkey felt insane reading those comments at the time and completely disgusted. It really cemented for me how demented ppl in the bl space then were coz in wat world is constant violent assault romantic??? The fact that this is still the norm in bl spaces isn’t surprising just disappointing.
Anyway I kinda spiraled there reminiscing about this lol. I genuinely hope I never find that manga in my life again. I legit stopped reading yaoi (smut) after and stuck to pg 13 bls to cleanse my soul for a good long while b4 I started reading them again