how do you date when you have severe social anxiety ? is there anyone here who hasn’t da...

I have severe, TERRIBLE social anxiety, not only with complete strangers but with the people closest to me, too. And I have never kissed or dated or hell, even HELD HANDS ROMANTICALLY with another woman. Unfortunately, I think it's going to be hard for me to date, I can’t see myself dating anyone unless I am approached and pursued by someone extremely patient, because there is no way I will ever be able to make the first move. An added difficulty is the fact I live in a conservative country and in a rural area too, so the dating pool is even smaller. I think if you really believe you're missing out on life, whether in general or just the romantic part of it, you're going to have to force yourself to start making the first step, go outside more, approach people and befriend them, maybe try downloading a dating app or just going out to try and find someone I guess. But I think you should also try working on your mental state first, this might sound corny but you really do have to love yourself first before trying to get into a relationship ngl. Sorry that I don't have any better advice...

do you not feel like you’re missing on some things? or that when you get older you will have lots of regrets?

Honestly no, ever since I was a kid I was basically really introverted and kind of hated people too ngl, so I made peace with the fact that some things, especially concerning things like friendship and relationships, I will just never experience, and I never really felt like I was missing out on something. Also since I was young I was basically exposed to the worst of people and relationships and how awful relationships ruin and suck the life and joy out of people, so I always kind of even avoided getting close to others because I believed one day, one way or another my relationship with them will end. As for regrets, I'll probably have them of course, even people with more fulfilling lives have at least one or two, I just try my hardest not to think of that. But again, I already kind of made my peace with everything, maybe I'll never date, maybe I'll never have someone even platonic in my life to spend my time with, but I stopped caring about such things. It's kind of a sad way of thinking and living ngl, but I am fine with it.

I’m just like you, 25 and no friends and terrified of dating. Its been years since I had friend. I mean i’m in therapy and on medication for mental illnesses. Comparison is the thief of joy, I had a difficult childhood, so for me there is no point in comparing with people who had full support.

Honestly I have no solution, if you’re mental health is really bad then going to the doctor is probably the best solution. Because antidepressants can lift some of that anxiety/depression, don't want to diagnose, best to get professional help. At first medication didn't work for me so I kept trying and eventually got recommended to psychiatrist and some of that low mood has been lifted enough to make baby steps in life. Granted I am extremely lucky because of UK’s free healthcare. Then add a therapy or support groups.

Sometimes the anxiety gets so bad that I can’t attend appointments, but my life can only start to progress if I take some kind of action even the smallest. I think figuring out what is the main driver of social anxiety is for you, might help you approach it. For me it’s : I keep thinking I should lose the weight and then make friends so at least being fat is not the reason that they might dislike me. I am terrified of judgement. So either I lose the weight or set a timer to start out slow and talk to people on the internet, then private messages, then real life etc. baby steps.

When I was unmedicated, I thought just like you, on repeat. Now some of those are still there but they are in the back of my brain, not on repeat.

I know it seems like I am pushing medication, but I don’t want to. My point is professional/ some kind of help (based on your country), first step is either therapy or support groups. And if you still need more help then off to the Doctors. If you are wary about side effects, that is valid and it is up to you to decide what you would rather experience.

My plan is to get a bit more better, better enough to mentally, hopefully start talking to people. Some people have their life figured out in their 20s and some 30s. I think that posting this post already shows how brave you are, and social, since you are open to interactions. So definitely, you can get better.

Disclaimer: I could be wrong, this is my experience, Im trying to help the best way I know, when I haven’t figured it out yet.

So hope this helps at least a little bit. :)

I am in my mid twenties and I didn't date with anyone, I also don't have social anxiety, so it may be inappropriate to say all this stuff, I just think dating isn't major thing in my life, I can date in future or maybe I don't, just because you don't do something others do doesn't mean you miss life, everyone has their own peace, and you don't have to do anything something you don't feel ready/comfortable even if it is something every human except you is doing, since it is your life, and if we come to love , love has all kind of forms and just because you date and you find friends doesn't mean it will fill your need of love, idk what it fills though it depends on person, some can't find love in family so all their love comes friends, some has enough love from their family and they don't need other love, some don't have friends or family but it is enough for them to have love of pet or plant so I guess it is more about feeling fulfilling rather than type of love, I don't know your exact age but it is also normal to feel like this in teens until 22 or sometimes more. If you feel really really bad though you can always get a professional help. Also try to sleep before at night before 11-12 it helps great deal with anxiety even if it doesn't fully cure

thanks for your reply <3

thank you for taking time to reply and share ur pov.
honestly it did help me, im sobbing right now im glad you are on medication and have doctors to talk to, so at least you’re not alone. i completely understand you, the fear of judgement gets so hard sometimes it prevents us to do so many things, its hard to live with.

i have a sort of pills addiction, i don’t know if asking for medication is the greatest idea ever because i 100% will be using it to get high, but at this point i have no other solution. i’ve already been on antidepressants when i was 15 but it didn’t really work.. yet again i always had social anxiety, but i didn’t think much of it. because i thought it was the least of my worries, because i thought its just something that will go away eventually, so i never really talked abt it to anyone even the doctors. but really, i cant even go outside, i cant talk to people, if someone stares at me i can have a panic attack and cry.

the root of my social anxiety and anxiety in general comes from how much insecure i am, i just feel like im being watched 24/7, and because i hate myself i get anxious. everytime i interact with someone i think they must be thinking i look horrible. i don’t think its related to my depression or whatever, and i don’t know how medication can change that. im not self deprecating just because i have anxiety or anything, like im genuinely ugly, thats why i just think ill never have a partner

i hope it makes sense omg

im 19. its not just about dating but i feel so useless and lonely, im just rotting in my room like a dumbass and i can’t help but overthink when i see everyone’s lives. i’ve already missed out on so much things during my highschool years, i regret it so so much, and now im ruining my adult life. this is so embarrassing. but i understand how it’s normal to feel this way, i guess every teens/pre adults feel socially pressured and anxious because they don’t know what to do with their life. i just wish i was normal enough to do things teenagers do