from my own understanding, Tei is a person who has no deep attachments hence he is only driven by a sense of purpose or any means to give him a sense of worth.
He is a man, and at the same time the consort of the emperor, he has duties he needs to fulfill even if they are against his will.
Many years ago, Tei never felt that way towards Shuraka, he only wanted to protect him against attempts to his life. now, the Shuraka presented before him was unfamiliar. He is now a person who sits on the highest authority, The Emperor, and he believe he must live up to the title next to him, but how? he cannot bear an heir nor is he a woman. Sure he can satisfy Shurakas desire with his body but what if he is simply not desirable? what would he become in that relationship?
Tei realized that the scent of one of the male concubines smelled exactly like the perfume on Shuraka the night before.His foundation and his standing on Shurakas favor was weak from the start. he deduced that since he was already brought back from Leracal, there is no need for Shuraka to seek him out anymore from all the company he already has.
I think he also mentioned about Shurakas type on mature women, he thinks he is ones of them(?) I dont rlly know I skimmed thought it but I'm pretty sure they might be the harem from the previous emperor or his diceased older brothers concubines but Tei would have no idea about any of that.
He still feel out of place and confused about the while thing
Yes, it's a very interesting story. And it's BWAT, I know we won't be let down.
Although he was a man, Tei believed he had a duty as the consort to the Emperor. Even if it meant his own destruction...
Who's destruction? Shuraka's or Tei's? And if Tei's what kind of destruction are we even talking about? Like anal destruction? Seriously, I like clever misunderstandings, this is just... makes me feel stupid and confused and hence annoyed. What even happened? What is even the issue? Because to me the issue is only that their first time didn't work out. That's it. That is the whole reason for both of them driving each other insane (and me too). My boys if at first you don't succeed TRY AGAIN!
Also Tei didn't want to have sex, he thought from the very beginning that Shuraka shld be with a woman. Now he's like "Wait, if I can't have sex with him I'm worthless", you literally never felt like that before, isn't it exactly the way you wanted? Feels like a plot hole (no hate towards BWAT just confusion). Obviously I'll keep on reading and obviously I still love the series, just expressing my opinion.