Just break up alr

I agree with some of the things you're saying
But I think it's odd to say Jaehyuk is the one (or perhaps I should say "the only one") who deserves better.

It feels like you're really glossing over Jaehyuk's anger issues, not to mention how immature and self destructive Jaehyuk is being right now. He's genuinely really inexperienced with anything deeper than a surface-level romance or hook-up and it shows. He's trying to throw away everything like some rebellious and passionate teenager and because Garam cares about him, that's why he's pulling the brakes. He doesn't want Jaehyuk putting his needs, his life, job and family on the back burner (or flushing it down the toilet). He cares about Jaehyuk so seeing him do that makes him sad and anxious. But when he tries to communicate that, Jaehyuk just gets angry and doesn't listen.

I think this martyr complex that we're seeing Jaehyuk develope might also step from their first falling out when he crossed the line and Garam decided to cut him out of his life, initiating the initial chasing arc.
It was like the only way Jaehyuk could secure their relationship was by sacrificing everything, accepting any kind of proximity with all the patience he could muster. And now he's continuing that trend to an unhealthy extreme. He keeps giving and putting his needs aside because he thinks that's how he has to love someone like Garam.

They both need to work on loving constructively rather than destructively.

But personally, I don't think that can happen until Jaehyuk grows up enough to have a proper conversation.

You're spot on, that was honestly refreshing to read

Well, I said that after considering Garam who, I think, rarely shows appreciation for Jaehyuk's effort.

Jaehyuk always have anger issue since before they're got in relationship. Not to mention, its his first relationship with man. While his anger issue is a problem, but he changed a lot after dating Garam.

Unlike his prev relationship, he became loyal and the one who does a lot of efforts to be with Garam. While for me, Garam stays the same as before. No significant change (mind you, its my opinion).

He cares about Jaehyuk's job, parent's, etc. But Jaehyuk's happiness is being with Garam. His level of confidence for dating Garam is something that Garam can't match. And I won't blame Garam cuz its related with his trauma. But it simply means they're not a good match.

So yeah, I stand with my statement that Jaehyuk deserve better, I want him to be with someone who can match his energy and does the same level of efforts for their relationship. XD

If Jaehyuk were to meet someone who "matched his energy" in a relationship like this, it would be a toxic, codependency hell (and this is just my opinion) but I think you're kinda crazy for saying that

What Jaehyuk is doing is soooo unhealthy
It's one thing to cut off your family after trying and failing to work things out and choosing your and your partner over them. That's not what happened. Jaehyuk is doing the same thing to Garam right now as he's done to everything else in his life atp. "If you don't fit into my idealized version of this relationship, you're gone." That's crazy and leaves zero room for discussion or growth or anything remotely resembling a healthy attachment style.

If you had 2 Jaehyuk's, they'd either butt heads so hard that their relationship combusted immediately because their versions of their idealized relationship weren't perfectly aligned. Or they'd spiral out of control together, both self-sacrificing more than necessary (which would also put Jaehyuk into Garam's current position, seeing his partner self-destruct and I doubt he'd be happy or comfortable with that either)

In order to have a successful relationship without any significant growth or change, Jaehyuk would need to meet someone that is his equal and opposite (which maybe that was what you were suggesting)
Someone who is willing to endlessly receive as much as Jaehyuk is willing to give. And not just receive what they want or ask for, but receive what Jaehyuk decides they want or need. Be submissive and accepting. Kind of like the conservative ideal of a heterosexual relationship.
Huh.

I got too caught up on that one point and forgot to address any of the other things you said, my bad #－.－)

Yes, Garam does need to be more expressive of his positive emotions and appreciation. That is something about him that is VERY frustrating. He does the whole tsundere thing which is cute and fun until we hit a point like this where real communication is necessary. I think he's doing a good job of expressing his concerns right now, but if they were to get back together, I would want him to grow more happy and comfortable with expression his joy and appreciation for Jaehyuk

That being said, Jaehyuk still does a lot of things "for Garam" that Garam wouldn't really want to be comfortable with. Most of the things he's done fall into that category and so expecting Garam to act happy and grateful in those situations where the gesture actually just made him uncomfortable

Yeah, Jaehyuk used to be absolute scum, and he's grown as a character but he's still just so immature and impulsive

Garam does need to do a lot of growing and healing, but his seems to be the kind that requires him to be in a relationship to do. Like, learning to trust and rely on someone. But he can't do that with someone as impulsive and volatile as Jaehyuk is right now.

Anyway, all this yapping just to say, I agree with where you're coming from. They're a bad match and I do kind of agree with your sentiment of "just break up already"

But saying that Jaehyuk is the primary one who deserves better when he's not mature enough to be in a relationship with any one right now is a little irksome.

Yeah. People can have a picture of what kind of relationship they want. Jaehyuk and Garam clearly have a different opinion on this.

The reason I'm still on Jaehyuk side is because Garam kept lowk rejecting affections from Jaehyuk. Relationship is done by two people, but I kept seeing Jaehyuk throwing effort and Garam just awkwardly accept it like he's forced too (again, its just what I felt from reading this). We can peek on Garam's thoughts, but not Jaehyuk. We all know how Garam felt about everything, but he barely shows it to Jaehyuk. So, as bad and as immature as he is, Jaehyuk might be clueless because Garam rarely share his thoughts with him. Which is why the very question Jaehyuk often ask is "why", because he didn't understand how Garam's mind work.

But I might be biased cuz I felt really bad for all the rejections that Jaehyuk had gone through. Not to mention, now Garam decided to run away, it pissed me off. Ig, I'm just tired of uke who has a hobby of running away lol

Hi besti

Lol. Add this to ur reading list and lets have discussion later bro

Let me finish my 57 opened tab kay

I do think you are being a little biased. This issue is not just random. It's tied to different issues. Like when Garam felt insecure after talking to Jh's mom, Jh watched him but they both never talked about it. While I think it's Garam's responsibility, it's also Jh responsibility to talk about what happened since it's related to his parents. Instead he decides to cut them off for good without conversation. Don't tell me he was clueless cause Jh commented that Garam must be affected by his parents.

Garam was at fault for not telling Jh about his bday but Jh was also at fault for escalating the fight and exploding with anger, throwing rings and kicking trashcans. You can't just leave it at "anger issues" cause it reflects poorly in his character. During this fight neither of them remained calm and explained their thoughts.

Next day, Jh was entirely at fault for trying to out both of them and Jh doubling down on his "I wanted to so I did" and Garam for not opening. Garam at fault for leaving immediately and Jh at fault for spinning the leaving job, and cutting off friends and family along with the ultimatum. Both of them had several moments to remain calm and communicate but they did not.

"jh tried to apologize" everytime he did, he just exploded. Both of them have issues and if just one party is going to take all the blame then it's just going to build resentment in the relationship.

I can't say anything about the parents. Jaehyuk clearly didn't plan on outing Garam here and its an unplanned event that left great impact for Garam. I think Jaehyuk just tried to protect him. He cut off his parents without talking to Garam, sure but for me it is up to him cuz its his family. It is extreme but we can't do anything about it.

For birthday incident, we all can see that the reason Jaehyuk blew up wasn't only because Garam didn't tell him his birthday. Its a matter where he prepared everything in last minute and Garam just had to make a whole speech to reject the ring (which is annoying cuz he also prepared couple rings). He can accept it and wear it as a necklace or tell Jaehyuk he will keep it cuz he was afraid of being found out. But here he just straight refused it. While Jaehyuk's act was indeed too dramatic, but his anger is understandable.

But I agree with you. He was at fault at almost outing Garam. But yeah, again, his way of thinking and Garam's way of thinking is completely opposite. They fought and Jaehyuk clearly said its better for them to talk later, it means they should cool off their head first. But Garam decided to just move to a new place without doing the dicsussion.

Back to my point, they are an awfully incompatible pair. Jaehyuk ultimatum here actually made me glad. Jaehyuk cannot follow Garam's way of dating and Garam also cannot follow Jaehyuk's.


They can have as many talks as they want, but if they both unwilling to learn about each others and try fo accept their worst, they better part ways. Because for me having a partner means accepting everything in them, good or bad. You cannot hope they will change, especially since both Jaehyuk and Garam are both adults. Sure they can change for better or worse, but they shouldn't rely on that.

Again, all of this is my opinion.