am i the only one who finds the special eps icky

I don't, because little a lacked the intent. His intention wasn't to harm, or he literally would have killed Kendrick. Little a was driven by literal instinct.

I actually see the AU as an example of, I would choose the bear.

Little A was an animal acting on raw instinct, but as his understanding grew, his actions completely changed. He learned how to respect Kendricks wants, while learning how to control his instincts. He learned self control.

The Bishop on the other hand, always knew. He knew he was attacking a child. He put him into the nest. He is the actual cause of Kendrick loosing the functionality of his legs. He didn't see Kendrick as a person, even though he knows Kendrick is a person. To him, Kendrick was an item he wanted to possess, to the point that he was willing to torture Kendrick for his own sick pleasures.