nah it’s not ok, this fool needs to stop being a doormat grow some balls
I have empathy. This is not empathy. This is stupidity.
haha good point but not everyone is like you.
I’m not saying I’ve never been stupid. I’m saying call it what it is so more people can recognise what it is and not do it anymore. If everyone just called dumb decisions “dumb decisions” then people will stop making them and do better overall. We make mistakes so we can warn others about it. Not dress it up as a good thing. Empathy is a good trait to have. Stupidity is something to work on. I’m not saying it’s wrong to have stupid moments but don’t downplay it. Own it and acknowledge that you’ve grown up from that place and are a better person for the mistakes you’ve learnt to correct over time. Just like ML needs to do.
i see where you’re coming from and i agree that the ml made a stupid decision by letting his ex stay but thats literally empathy. when you have too much empathy you make stupid decisions. but i think what matters is that the ml did try to stop letting his empathy make stupid decisions and tried standing up for himself and jinwoo. but bad habits don’t go away that easy.
haha just like rn. i have some empathy for this motherfucker idk why. think im just trying to understand his perspective or some shit
I don’t think it’s empathy. Empathy would be “oh you’ve got nowhere to go? Come on in!” But that’s not what happened. He rejected and rejected until his lover’s life was threatened. That’s not what empathy is. He didn’t even open the door for empathy. He was just being careless and didn’t check who it was before opening the door. He’s not even being a people pleaser here. He’s making a dumb decision. He could have slammed the door in the ex’s face or not opened the door after checking who it is or he could have called the cops for trespassing when he said he wouldn’t leave. Empathy means you can relate to and understand another persons emotions and situations very well as if you experienced it yourself. That’s the definition of it. It says absolutely nothing about making dumb decisions based on it or giving into threats based on it. There’s an argument that can be said about him being a people pleaser but again, he didn’t say yes at all and only stepped aside when his lover’s life was threatened to be destroyed. It wasn’t really a bad habit or anything. The only bad habit I saw was him letting his ex explain. With people like the ex, the second you allow them to talk is the second you lose because those people will do anything and say anything to get their way. It’s best to ignore those people and pretend they don’t exist.
yeah he understands his exs emotions it literally says “you know how my parents are” or whatever implying that the ml possibly knows the exs backstory and he’s using that to let him crash at his place. also having too much empathy does lead to making poor decisions. just bc it doesn’t say it on the definition doesn’t mean its not true. and i don’t understand bc you say its not called a bad habit when someone has too much empathy but proceed to say that the only bad habit u saw was him letting his ex explain.. him letting his ex explain was empathy no? its a cognitive empathy i believe. im sure theres many who have experienced this same exact thing (like my friend) if not, then probably something similar. and also your last remark about ignoring those types of people like the mls ex is not wrong. im completely on your side for that one. but sometimes people are just too swayed by feelings and emotions. they might respond to things differently.
The ex said that and knowing something doesn’t equate to understanding it as if you’ve experienced it yourself. That’s sympathy and that’s not the same as empathy. Also, no. Empathy doesn’t lead to poor decisions. Poor decision making skills leads to poor decisions. Poor self control leads to poor decisions. Empathy itself is not the cause of poor decisions. I had to learn that in therapy because that would be my go-to excuse for everything bad that I found myself caught up in. “It’s not my fault! I was being empathetic and I understood what it’s like so I let them do xyz even though I knew it would hurt me but that’s just because I knew they were hurting too!!” Was something that came up a lot in therapy and it took a long time but I learnt that emotions and empathy don’t dictate your actions. You do. You can feel bad for someone’s situation and not throw yourself into it. You can understand someone’s hurt and still prioritise your own hurt. Because we are not responsible for the lives and emotions of others unless they are our kids or our pets because we drag them into our lives. Other than that, we don’t owe a single other person anything. Being unable to separate your emotions from what you logically know is the right choice is not an empathy problem but a YOU problem. YOU don’t know how to separate the two and YOU don’t have the self control necessary to not jump into things headfirst while in an emotional state. It takes therapy and daily practice and patience for you to be able to have empathy and still do the right thing. I’m an empath or so my therapist called me and she said it’s vital that I learn these skills because otherwise I’ll burn out. She also said something that stuck with me so I’ll share it with you: “how can you claim to understand and empathise with others when you can’t do it for your own self? You can help others selflessly and be understanding and patient with others even when they hurt you but what about you? Who’s going to love and understand and care for you if you don’t?”
As for the bad habit, the bad habit is him opening the door without checking who it is and actually listening to people who you shouldn’t give the time to. He is so used to listening to his ex that he did it again instead of ignoring him. It’s like a student waking up early for school when it’s the summer holidays and they don’t need to. You did something for so long that it became a habit and now you need to unlearn that habit. It’s not empathy that kept him listening, its habit. Learning the difference is important. Everyone has a bunch of Pavlov habits that they got because something or someone trained them to be that way. For example, I can’t have a meal without a sweet treat after. My parents like sweet treats and get me some and now I can’t stop. I need a sweet treat after a meal. It’s something so small but it affects my life and mood. ML got conditioned by his ex because of love-bombing and manipulation and despite being over the relationship, the human brain holds onto conditioning for the rest of your life unless you dismantle it. That’s why people react so strongly to music they used to listen 10 years ago or why people who return from the army will jump up and salute when they hear someone yell at them to stand up with their rank. That’s got nothing to do with empathy. It’s not an emotional response, it’s sensory memory. I’m more than happy to explain the difference between the two but I won’t back down that it’s a skill issue not an empathy one. Empathy cannot be bad. Just like patience cannot be bad or charity cannot be bad. Those are virtues and virtues inherently cannot be bad. However, people blame virtues for their own failings and that’s where the issue comes from.
ok i give up. ts is pointless. all im trying to say is that there are SOME who do not have this typa stable mindset where they know that they’re not responsible for others lives. maybe its called something else other than “empathy” dont know. but not everyones mindset functions the same way. haha im not an expert. im basing my opinions on my own perspective.
he has too much empathy lol but its ok i been there kinda