omg same its just that this year i feel like everyone improved their social skills except for me and idek why.. bc ive made so many new friends this year, im just not close with them and this summers definitely showing it. my friends are all able to fit in and be so close with others but whenever i make new friends its like theres a barrier between us and it makes me feel so sad, and like u said i also calculate a lot while having a convo... most of the time they don't even mean anything rude im just overthinking bad stuff which makes me not wanna talk to them...then i ruin it because i forget to approach them again. and recently ive been thinking about it and im so scared to have convos anymore because i feel like everyone hates me because im so boring i was hanging out with a friend the other day and she wanted to go home pretty fast, instead of being a normal person and not thinking much of it later, i kept thinking about how she probably hates me. I feel like i have fun with others but they dont think the same about me
Ok i feel like a chud why did i write so much
YES if I talk to a person then if they're not immediately all over me the next time I see them I get distant and i think the other person notices so there's INFACT strangenesses now. I can't get close with anybody either. But these days I might be getting better idk. I'm trying to talk to other people and it's working to some extent but by now I've started to automatically shut down when someone I feel intimidated by simply because of their socialising skills shoes up so I never get along with people like them. It's such a mess. I'm like analysing the fuck out 9f everything everyday so I genuinely get so exhausted every day.in my case, I'm convinced the other person hates me and didn't have fun and i didn't have fun either cuz nothing they're saying is making me laugh and vice versa
Shows*
issok twin we both chuds
omg i feel so seen
but like idek what i want in a friend bc if they're too clingy i just feel like im not good enough for them and shut them down sometimes. but i used to have this one friend who was clingy, im still friends with her but she got a few more friends ( that im also friends with) and we started to drift apart tbh, we're considered close but don't talk much and its kinda obvious how she likes my other friends more than me now. I didn't shut her out and I actually really liked her as a friend but i forgot what made us drift apart, she doesn't really respond to my texts anymore and is rlly dry but we used to talk and match eachother vibes
Yay
SO REAL I'm not sure what intensity i want in my friendships either. I end up being a little rudely nonchalant to the clingy ones and clingy to the nonchalant ones
I'm kinda like this i think. Weird and stuff. And when I'm socializing it's like I'm even faking joy. Ok that sounds like I'm dark sigma male. I'm not. Very much a female here ok. So it's like I'm doing too many calculations in my head and notice even the slightest change and just go yeah they're annoyed and then I take it personally and try to steer clear of them until they're not so strange with me and I'm suddenly like yeah this person's cool i can approach them and the cycle repeats. I laugh too hard in convos cuz it's fake and idek when to stop laughing so I just immediately drop it and it's weird. Haven't really felt funny and laughed properly in a while now. It's like my social skills just disappeared. I'm like atami but an uglier version both physically and like just having inferiority complex and some jealousy and stuff