warning for a whole essay btw
maybe one of these days i'll actually write a more formal essay about this (once the story is done lol)
i had a similar observation. i could also write essays upon essays on this manhwa, unfortunately i have no friends who read this type of stuff so when i found it and binged it and even bought all chaps on lezhin kr and eng(and even paid for extension for my firefox so i could be able to read it all) i had no one to talk to so i just blabbed to Google AI feature.this series deals with all themes of humanity. desire too, sexuality and how its proceived. i do NOT condone the rape, but unlike allot of other manhwas and stories- here it was very much relevant. the more i re read this the more i realise the undertones and criticism dogmull have over society. most of the non con scenes here arent there for the gooners. even the first scene, of elfy and Rim- it was a clever way to criticize the genre as a whole (their sex scene and the unfolding of events literalyy contain all the most popular cheesy tropes mashed together in a way that on the outside seem random, lazy and sloppy but in truth it was brilliant- what it meant to do was look normal on the surface but gove your subconscious uncanny feeling)when at the same time, it was meant to trick the reader and create a familiar story in a BL(or in general steamy stories) for the reader to think "oh it's one of those". it really reminds me of yoko tarou type of storytelling, but with actual zero censorship. i cant wait to see what the third season uphold, since Garon is going to be the MC, it is going to be a wild ride. (my thoughts are all over the place but this story is personal to me,on season one i couldnt help but empathize with Cherin, since i am intersex, male genetically but my features are feminine, and my body is messed up, so it hit in a place i refused to face for years), on top of that tehir and kimoto. where do i start even, getting covid fucked me to the point i fell from grace in the same way tehir did, but unlike tehir- sure i was confident, but my personality and way of love is more like kimoto. so seeing tehir struggling with my daily nightmare and having kimoto on his side, which ngl saying im jealous would be understatement- ruined me. seeing how he treated him, how his disability twisted him more than he already was with his god complex made me sick to my stomach. but kimoto, kimoto way of dealing with things was a harsh mirror. i never had such an attachment to fictional characters before, for the first time i felt seen, in a twisted yet liberating way. i stumbled upon this manhwa when i decided i would give up on everything, since i was at the point of severe mental and physical exhaustion from irl constant fights with bureaucracy, seeing my condition getting worse and worse, i like kimoto decided to just not leave my bed and not expend more energy to the point i couldnt even chew. i bottled up everything and escaped my reality(i stopped playing online and socialize, i was just binge readong any fantasy BL manhwa i could and i stimbled upon it on a lezhin sale), but this manhwa was like being thrown into an ice bath for me, in the best sense possible. i was able to cry and let out all the emotions i bottled in the past 4 years, and its due to this manhwa that i decided to keep on fighting and not give up completely, it made me realise that at some point i stopped seeing myself as a human, and it reminded me that i am allowed to feel stuff(i know it sounds like a given, but when people around me told me that it didnt click, its feeling like a burden, useless, and despair from all failed treatments due to my unusual constitution and hell more layers of trauma medical and sexual that made my brain so twisted i stopped at some point to allow myself to be human. and its this manhwa that for some odd reason encapsulated all my struggles and served as a mirror- it made me realise its hypocritical of me to believe they deserve better but not put myself on the same standard. so i am now trying to do so, its not magic and i am not fully there yet, but it was the first step and that all that matters. tbh i was devastated to see that the author disabled comments, and that they deleated all SNS. and i wish i could send them my heartful thanks and support but alas, seeing someone approciating the work and dedication and the little details and not just admiring the art or the superficial level stuff- is probably was the thing that made me write this comment)
omg i just saw this and even though i don't know you, i'm so proud of you and how much courage it must have taken to share your story and how you're overcoming your struggles.
it's the bits and pieces of representation in these types of manhwas that focus on plot and character rather than public appeal that truly do change your worldviews. i think a lot of people don't see past what you described perfectly as the familiar BL setting which is why they're always confused and unable to grasp what's actually happening. I also think that our real life experiences and struggles, despite how tough and exhausting they are, are what teaches us to look at things (whether it be media or real life) differently and absorb information that allows us to appreciate things in our own ways whether people understand it or not. I can never say that i know what you've gone through, but the fact that stories like this connect us and others really emphasizes the whole point of this manhwa. Connection is what fosters life and makes us human and the first step to realizing this is lowkey being shown that youre not as alone as you think you might be. I think Dogmull is doing a beautiful job at showing that and creating a community through their work and i'm really grateful that you were able to share your story and your thoughts about this manhwa!! as the story progresses, I can't wait to see what you think and your theories :))
the beauty of this manhwa is showcasing the ugly and hidden sides of what it means to truly be human and accepting pasts that we're not necessarily proud of in order to move on and become better. especially for these kids who were never really fully meant to be human in the first place. deep down, to be human is to love and create (regardless of whatever definition that takes on for every individual).
jin was seen as a monster in the daycare because he was an extension of kimoto. they were the same and this is what he has known since he became conscious. but he was given the chance to break free without any memories and through the people he met, he became undeniably "human". he was alive before, but he wasn't "living" if that makes sense. he wasn't his own individual and even with his gang he was still highly dependent on them and charin, but in losing them, he finds a drive in life. he becomes more and more of a human with a heart and a brain and a soul and he continues to experience connections and relationships and growth with all of the people he's met. and even when he gains his memories back, he doesn't revert to that old Jin he used to be. I think his character is a symbol for growth and accepting your past and continuing to chase your future regardless of the things that hindered you (his memory loss, the animosity and hatred from an unremembered background). He sends a message that says our past does not define us.
kimoto on the other hand has known that he was never quite human and has hated that part of him and has tried to suppress it. it's a deep reflection of modern day sentiments about pieces of ourselves that we can't quite erase, but that we don't want to acknowledge. obviously we know that he loves Tehir and believes that he's okay with anything as long as Tehir is in his life, but this relationship between them is killing him. He loses himself and reverts back to this creature that he never wanted to be because that creature isn't human. Kimoto wants to be Human. He wants to get rid of Jin because he believes that Jin is his connection to the creature, that Jin is the problem and always has been. Jin gets everything Kimoto wants (Tehir's attention) and discards it. Obviously, when it's revealed that he and Jin come from the same bug creature, Kimoto is even more horrified at the implications because he realizes that maybe the problem is him. He's from the demon's brain whereas Jin was from the heart. They're one in the same, literally. But Jin has Tehir's attention and Kimoto doesn't. He's a kid who's in love and jealous.
But what was revealed in the latest chapter is simply that Kimoto locked away his innermost desires because he had to protect himself in order to help Tehir regain his ability to live again. When Jin disappeared, so did Kimoto's rival, so his jealousy and need to stand out could fade into the background. He didn't need to stand out if he was the sole person that Tehir was reliant on and this because such a normalized way of existing for Kimoto that his desire to be loved was suppressed within him. But, suppression can only last so long. Kimoto is literally forced by his younger self to acknowledge that all he every really wanted was to be looked at and to be loved, something that's just a trait of being a living and breathing human/creature/person capable of feeling emotions. He breaks away from the idea that he's simply the brain. He learns that he doesn't have to had come from the heart to love and be loved. And this is what makes him "human". His desire to be recognized and loved by the person he also loves. The fact that his younger self had to tell him this and beg him to do something about it is a direct metaphor (although idk if it's a metaphor because it's actually happening to him) to accept his younger self and accept this past he didn't want to acknowledge.
Tehir is a whole nother story which can be talked about during his season but I think his role and his revelations during this season were done quite beautifully too. I could add honestly talk about how much of a masterpiece this manhwa is (aside from the rape and everything errr) for so long. I think there's a lot of interesting things to note from a more textbook psychoanalytical lens too. but this is already an essay lol