What's wrong?
Everything
Oh darling, like what? Is it school or the family? Tell me if you're comfortable sharing
*virtual hug*
It's family. I love my parents...well erase that, i don't. I don't love them and i don't want to stay at here. I want to run away. Be free and all. I want to see the world through my eyes but the thing is I can't. I don't have a father, only my mother and little sister. I am the oldest. I've to stay at home, go to college and work that's all and study. My mother, she is a housewife, she is an innocent being as she doesn't know much about anything even if we try to teach her she just can't. Our monthly money comes from the rent we have but still it won't satisfy me due to my bus fair, College fees and my sister school and all. My mother look after the groceries, while i have to look after water, light and gas bills. I even have to look at the buliding bills. Then my sister goes to tution too, half of the money goes to her tution too. I'm so tired of all relatives and ppl saying "You're the oldest. You have to be strong and look after the house and family." And I'm there, sitting and listening to the same things they have been saying to me since I was 11. My father is a man who I have a love and hate relations. I love him as a daughter but as a woman, i hate him to the very cells of my body. I don't want to blame mother too but she is also someone who I can never look up as something great or lower. I don't hate her, I don't love her either. We have mutual. I don't interact with ppl neither to my relatives but sometimes it's way too much. Sometimes even as a joke, I say I'll kill myself and some of cousin laugh and say well do it. Ik they think I'm joking cause I tell it that way but when I am alone...it's just...way too much. Sometimes I don't sleep or eat other time I want to run away leaving every thing behind while other time I also want to just end it all in one. I want to live but I don't have anything on me as the things I want is far from my reach and I want to die cause that's when I'll finally rest.
First of all, I want to say I see you. You're doing so much and doing it so well. It must have been so exhausting. No one especially at such a young age deserves to carry such heavy burdens. This is your one life—to our knowledge—and you absolutely can't spend it vending your back in service. From your message, I can see you try not to blame your mother, but i feel it would be best to let her have her share in your heartache. Before you are anything, you are her daughter—her child. No parent should ever watch as their child toils endlessly, no matter the situation. Perhaps I also speak from experience, I get the feeling of wanting to leave it all behind. Parents ain't shit, not yours, nor mine. But we can't let them take away this little life we have going for us, can we? I've never died before, but I think it would be best if you die without regrets. There's still so much you can, should and will do. You're a bright, hardworking girl who's seen everything through. You're gonna be alright, I believe in your indomitable spirit!
Oh thank you
No problem love, I hope you feel better even if it's just a little. Try taking it slow. Life waits for no one, yeah, but it's your life on your time, it can wait a day or two. Take a break
*Sigh*