I first found missing love ; married man, when i was 15/16, freshly dropped out of high school due to bullying, surviving childhood sex trafficking, incestuous abuse, domestic abuse, ipv, etc. it's been 3/4 years since, i'm turning 20 this year. i need to express my gratitude to in herin for this beautiful, amazing piece. i honestly believe that seeing geom survive and continue to fight through his pain gave me a lot of courage and determination to fight through my own, even if my life wasn't objectively improving at all. I found the strength to focus on my academics after re-enrolling into online school, and ended up going from a highschool dropout with 60s/70s/ to having grades in the 90s/100s.
when i first read this story, i was honestly shocked at how accurately in herin was able to portray his experience of sexual abuse, his coping mechanisms, trauma reactions, how trauma shapes personality, defense mechanisms, etc. it was extremely, extremely cathartic to see my experiences, my voice, and my emotions transformed into something tangible -- something like art, something written down and observable. this sounds pathetic, but it gave me a sense of belonging. i didn't feel as lonely in my filthiness anymore, because geom had expressed almost the identical sentiments i've had for almost my entire life.
everything, from his trauma bond with rieder, his yearning for wooyeon, his dissociation, feeling like a trained dog, fawning, dissociation, yet also not entirely submissive, was really painful due to its resonance.
beyond just personal resonance, i think that missing love contributed to a lot of my creative motivations. i write a lot of short stories relating to sex work, prostitution, and death. i really, really just want to capture despair and the lingering effects of sexual abuse the way in herin was able to, i wanted to capture the griminess of sexual abuse without sexualizing it. how i personally interpret all the non-consensual frames in this manhwa is more as if looking at mold, a rotting house, and a picture frame of all the mildew, all the broken windows, the vines creeping up in different places, utlimately contributing to this really sickening, disgusting ball of dread knotting itself inside my stomach, more painful as i read further. i remember dry heaving so many times because i had thought the exact things geom had.
i think, even though my university life has been quite unfortunate so far, with continuous sexual assaults, more IPV, sexual violence, and almost being forced into sex work through circumstances since i had enrolled a year and a half ago, geom's experience gives me a lot of hope that maybe, if i keep enduring, i could find my own wooyeon and yeonseo, maybe next month, maybe in the next 6 months, maybe if i keep reaching out, no matter how many times it seems the hands which reach back are predators who want to assault me once more.
sometimes, oftentimes, i feel a little bitter. if i was prettier, maybe my wooyeon and yeonseo would've come faster. sometimes, i wonder if i even deserve to identify with geom because of how grotesque i feel to myself. and when my first college year didnt go like his, i was also very disappointed. i felt let down. university was meant to be the point where my life turned around, yet it seemed our paths diverged. i mean, hopefully, that means i won't end up like him. i don't really want to get trafficked again.
either way, i really, really am thankful to in herin for writing this amazing piece. i honestly owe her my life. im currently pursuing non-profit work in anti human trafficking, womens and childrens shelters, while also working toward an eventual education major after my four years of english.
I first found missing love ; married man, when i was 15/16, freshly dropped out of high school due to bullying, surviving childhood sex trafficking, incestuous abuse, domestic abuse, ipv, etc. it's been 3/4 years since, i'm turning 20 this year. i need to express my gratitude to in herin for this beautiful, amazing piece. i honestly believe that seeing geom survive and continue to fight through his pain gave me a lot of courage and determination to fight through my own, even if my life wasn't objectively improving at all. I found the strength to focus on my academics after re-enrolling into online school, and ended up going from a highschool dropout with 60s/70s/ to having grades in the 90s/100s.
when i first read this story, i was honestly shocked at how accurately in herin was able to portray his experience of sexual abuse, his coping mechanisms, trauma reactions, how trauma shapes personality, defense mechanisms, etc. it was extremely, extremely cathartic to see my experiences, my voice, and my emotions transformed into something tangible -- something like art, something written down and observable. this sounds pathetic, but it gave me a sense of belonging. i didn't feel as lonely in my filthiness anymore, because geom had expressed almost the identical sentiments i've had for almost my entire life.
everything, from his trauma bond with rieder, his yearning for wooyeon, his dissociation, feeling like a trained dog, fawning, dissociation, yet also not entirely submissive, was really painful due to its resonance.
beyond just personal resonance, i think that missing love contributed to a lot of my creative motivations. i write a lot of short stories relating to sex work, prostitution, and death. i really, really just want to capture despair and the lingering effects of sexual abuse the way in herin was able to, i wanted to capture the griminess of sexual abuse without sexualizing it. how i personally interpret all the non-consensual frames in this manhwa is more as if looking at mold, a rotting house, and a picture frame of all the mildew, all the broken windows, the vines creeping up in different places, utlimately contributing to this really sickening, disgusting ball of dread knotting itself inside my stomach, more painful as i read further. i remember dry heaving so many times because i had thought the exact things geom had.
i think, even though my university life has been quite unfortunate so far, with continuous sexual assaults, more IPV, sexual violence, and almost being forced into sex work through circumstances since i had enrolled a year and a half ago, geom's experience gives me a lot of hope that maybe, if i keep enduring, i could find my own wooyeon and yeonseo, maybe next month, maybe in the next 6 months, maybe if i keep reaching out, no matter how many times it seems the hands which reach back are predators who want to assault me once more.
sometimes, oftentimes, i feel a little bitter. if i was prettier, maybe my wooyeon and yeonseo would've come faster. sometimes, i wonder if i even deserve to identify with geom because of how grotesque i feel to myself. and when my first college year didnt go like his, i was also very disappointed. i felt let down. university was meant to be the point where my life turned around, yet it seemed our paths diverged. i mean, hopefully, that means i won't end up like him. i don't really want to get trafficked again.
either way, i really, really am thankful to in herin for writing this amazing piece. i honestly owe her my life. im currently pursuing non-profit work in anti human trafficking, womens and childrens shelters, while also working toward an eventual education major after my four years of english.
i mean, if geom can survive anything, i can too.