Hey, don't be embarrassed! I feel the same way, and now I feel like I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing this <3 Personally, it was when I was in my first and only relationship that I felt like being intimate was awkward. And I'm still in my questioning phase... Like, why it feels okay when I do stuff, think, or read smut by myself, but it's not comfortable when I'm with someone (even someone I like or trust). Anyway, here I am...
Hope you feel less alone and im sending you love !
Hi! I'm ace myself, and the things you're describing I experience too! Asexuality is a spectrum after all, and for me it means I don't feel any sexual attractiveness to other people, and don't want to engage in sex. I do masturbate and like reading smut, but never imagine myself in a fantasy with another person.
I do however get crushes on people and like them romantically (I just don't want to get sexually intimate with them). If you do like people romantically, you could possibly be aromantic as well. It doesn't mean you do not experience love (there are many kinds of love after all).
I hope you'll figure out what love and experiences you wish to have that are comfortable for you.
Happy pride month <3
i figure myself as ace
since i really don't want to be involved in any type of romantic relationship and even im not comfortable sharing being physically intimate w someone. but i really am a social person and deeply care to all my friends.
but i still don't know if im really ace because i do have sexual thoughts and even read shii and even play w myself but whenever i do it. i just release some relief and don't really imagine anyone or anything
this is too embarrassing imma delete this later