Hmm

I guess we all know what's gonna happen when ilay finds him, but to say the mc did something he shouldn't have done is crazy, like what? he had good reasons to go. even if not, he doesn't owe ilay anything. I don't think you're missing anything

Im not defending ilay but... I think you're misunderstanding why Taeui blames himself.
He's not thinking, "Ilay is a monster, so I should've stayed with him." That can be 50% of his reason but that's not the point of that scene at all. Taeui leaves because Xinlu kidnaps Jaeui, so from his perspective there's no real choice. But he also knows exactly what Ilay risked to get him back. Ilay literally turned the entire situation upside down and put himself in an incredibly dangerous position(Becoming a terrorist is not a piece of cake lol they were wanted for years until raumaan took back the charges in 2nd novel). Whether his methods were right or wrong is a separate discussion. Knowing taeui, his guilt comes from feeling like he abandoned someone who risked everything for him at the very moment that person needed him. It's about the emotional weight of that decision, not about excusing Ilay's abusive behavior.
You can acknowledge that Ilay is abusive while still understanding why Taeui feels he committed something "unforgivable." Those two ideas aren't mutually exclusive.
Reducing it to "he's a rapist, so why feel guilty?" ignores Taeui's character and the complexity of their dynamic,not like im defending ilay, im talking abt taeui's personality. The scene isn't asking readers to justify Ilay's actions; it's showing why Taeui, with his own personality and circumstances, carries that guilt.

Right? Like he his own person which ilay gotta know which perhaps he does later on

Yeaaah I guess ur right. I always gotta question these characters because I know someone aka a reader can understand the situation so they can explain it better. So thanks.

ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~