In my point of view, Illic is in love with Sayan, but his own internalized homophobia prevents him from reaching that conclusion; Illic might be bisexual, but given the era in wich the story is set, homosexuality was considered sinful and met with shame and social punishment. It surely isn't easy for him. (Sorry if there are spelling errores, english isn't my first language)
I understand..but still when he voices such thoughts out..it feels like he was forced all these years...at start he was, but he could have escaped if he wanted later on...
Maybe that's the excuse that he created to feel good with himself. I would say that is resignation, but at the end he cares for Sayan
So he doesn't really LIKE him?! He kept getting swept away by his face FOR YEARS???? （￣へ￣）