what do i do with mysekf after reading peak. i have nothing to do. i’ve lost a part of me.
actually, more to comment on.
-although i really do not like the rape in chapter 40, i do not think it’s unnecessary. like initially i thought it shouldn’t have been included to begin with because it’s just yaoi slop, but i do think it pushed the story forward. (i do 100% think that the author should have treated the situation with LESS ahego and afterwards shouldn’t have immediately acted like nothing happened. it was brushed over too quickly. it was treated as a mild inconvenience then rape) the SA did show how much the curse was a doubke edge sword, i did initially think it was jusy a smut tool but even when ken was bleeding out and dying, whether they liked it or not, they had to see each other. they had to do it or he would literallt bleed out and die. the curse isn’t a light thing, although the intercouse is smutty and fun, ken’s life has been on the line the entire time.
-i do however find it annoying how the author had to make a situation to add rape. like i don’t even necessarily blame agia for the chapter 40 rape, it was literallt written that if he didn’t assault him he would die. “i have to rape you or you’ll die” is just an overall gross concept and the entire first season is FULLL of this. like to the poiny where it was hard reading about it.
-so yeah i do think it was shitty to write about this, but i do think it was kind of necessary to add. i think it made the curse more then just a smut tool.
should not have reread this when i am so emotional because the ending of season 3 genuinely has me sobbing like it’s not fair. technically it ended on a bad ending cause season 4 never released. god. goddd i. fuck. i just. nothing is fair. nothing. i need to vent my frustrations and opinions.
-agia’s character. oh my god. it’s so good. like. so good. the years of grooming have done so much to him, i’m honestly surprised how much ken changed him in the span of like 2 months. emotionally he loves ken, but logically his love is a facade. specifically during season 3. the way he talks about ken to the church as if he is manipulating his love and he dosent need him, but when they meet, and he falls apart into a pile of mush. he forces him to remeber terrifying things, he promises him things he thinks he dosent understand. logically, he knows his future, but emotionally, ken is addicting to him. i remember initially thinking agia is a two faced liar who is manipulating ken, but i honestly think he was telling him the truth. i think he meant almost everything he said during season 2 and 3. 1, probably not. initially he never expressed how he felt about ken, he would just tell ken to love him. not because he cared about him or anything, but it was he loved him he’d finally be able to die.
-i really like the reveal that agia was talking shit about isabel to the scientist lady, because at the time it seemed like agia was too far gone. the years of grooming had changed the way he interacted with relationships, and all though isabel did all she could do to undo that, his future had already been shown to him and he was too scared to turn away from that. but DESPITE THAT. KEN STILL STAYED WITH HIM THROUGHOUT HIS LYING AND WHAT ISABEL TOLD HIM AND ALL OF THAT. agia was running from something far bigger then himself for so long, and despite being a 6 foot man, lorain always pushed him back into that state of being small. god his development is so good.
-i still do not feel that strongly about ken. like i like him, hes the protagonist and pushing the story along and all that, but his actual childhood wasn’t touched on enough to reallt understand him. like we got likr a couple scenes of him at the orphanage that could be seen as more of inconveniences. like the big ones being his parents leaving him and ian leaving him, but the way it shaped his character later on isn’t as solid as agia. agia chases death after seeing his future of being in the tube and knowing he cannot run from his destiny because of the death of his mother. ken loves children because of the orphanage, but youd think he’d have more abandonment issues or idk, make him more of a crybaby or something. his childhood didn’t really mirror his character as an adult, and it could be because of rosie raising him, but that is still not a stable home life and he’s kind of just sunshine and rainbows.
-rereading this, i did not relize how much rape there was in the beginning chapters. i mostly said agia was a greenish flag (in terms of sexual assault) but ken genuinely had several conversations on how consent works which was really really uncomfortable. like their first introduction was rape. and SEVERAL times agia just pushes his fingers in ken and he has to yell at him to leave him alone. and chapter 40(?) was like super rape and they never talked about it again. super weird
can’t wait for season 4 og my godddddd i genuinely can’t wait to know what the real prophecy is