General consensus is that he doesn't want to admit to himself that he likes Pilsung. I'm mixed on that interpretation
Tb to MPLaM he would regularly refer to Pilsung as a lowlife, bottom feeder, etc
Then in this, CCtC, he initially started to seduce him as a part of a 'joke'/reference to a game he and his rich friends played as a kid. So just initially, he started the courtship as a game/Pilsung as a toy
Even though Pilsung acknowledges he likes Jooeon, he's pulling back because he feels like hes not good enough. Reference all the mentions of being 'trash', the distance he noticed between their statuses and recent arc of him wanting to be a better person by quitting loan sharking and if he met Jooeon, in the future, that he would have some more confidence as a person, etc.
Potentially, Jooeon said he's disgusted because-
1) He can't admit to himself, that he, very desired, very upper echelon, very elevated status as a rich guy, as a educated person and as a CEO, has genuine feelings for Pilsung. Even though he said all that stuff to him about being a good person despite his circumstances, it seems like he still can't bridge liking someone 'beneath him'. Reference previous notes on what he thinks of Pilsung + his loan sharking lifestyle.
2) His social group- his parents married for status, his uncle got divorced and their fortune lost because of being married to someone from a different status + his friends thought Pilsung was a low life gangster/beneath him
What kills me and I'm somewhat confused what in terms of this reasoning is that is during their birthday. Jooeon's thought shows how he thought he was lucky to have found Pilsung as a loan sharks without connections, otherwise someone would 'found him first'. My thing is if he can have enough braincells to understand he's happy he has him to himself, I don't know what the deal is
Anyways, I'm way too invested and I'm on my knees begging up an update
His thought during the birthday party about being glad he found Pilsang first is more about possessiveness but also a kind of coveting, and possessive behavior doesn't necessarily have to be tied to romantic feelings. (Although, that's definitely when he first started falling in love with Pilsang, since, in Korean culture, finding someone "cute" is often a giveaway that someone's catching feelings ! Even if he hadn't recognized that himself yet.)
Then, by chapter 54, everything that's happened forces him to realize that his emotions toward Pilsang are actually romantic. That's why the disgusted reaction comes out, since its not the moment his feelings started but the moment he finally recognizes them for what they've been all along—and that realization kinda shocks him.
And personally, I think that's also a big part of why he's been in denial for so long. It's not just that he didn't realize his feelings, on some level, I think he didn't want to ! Because when he first thinks that Pilsang is cute, he's immediately taken aback and tries to rationalize it by saying something like, "Well, if I think of him as a pet, then he's cute." And that moment kinda shows that he's been subconsciously pushing away the truth about his feelings for as long as he could, constantly passing them off as something else so he wouldn’t have to face what they actually meant, cause once he admitted it he knew he'd have to confront everything that came with that realization (be it the hit to his ego, his family expectations, the wedding, the inheritance, etc...), hence the disgust and denial we witness in the latest chapter.
In other words, bro is cooked èwé
Interesting point- it's hard for me to imagine at that point of the birthday party flashback- where he's metaphorically asking Pilsung to 'show him if love is real', that he doesn't recognize his own thought process as even slightly romantic(?). Then again, that could the cultural difference
I wonder what specifically about waking up with his dick still in Pilsung that set off the thought that he also likes him (+ ultimately the disgust we're talking about). Considering they've slept together and woke up in the same bed before, but maybe it's just intimate and out of character for him that was the catalyst(?). I could see how Pilsung trying to defuse the romantic gesture to play it off is why Jooeon get upset a few panels after. He says it himself, essentially why Pilsung would try and define J's feelings. But bro has to know at that point!!! Dont you have a PhD or something -_-
Ugh- Jooeon, Jooeon, Jooeon... I'll give you 5 chapters max for angst. I cannot let my baby Pilsung suffer like this!
Also I'm putting bets that in Pilsung running away arc, that he's in a cabin, similar to what the woodshop teacher flashback. I'm on my knees begging for a 2nd ML, I want jealous Jooeon
Jooeon’s “show me if love is real” moment was more like : “You fall in love with me, and prove to me that real love exists.” In his mind, it was supposed to be one-sided, Pilsang would fall into the trap of his game and become the person who gives Jooeon the kind of love he wants. He never expected that he would also get caught in his own game and end up catching feelings himself (the dummy...!).
And about the waking up with his d*ck still in Pilsang, I don’t think that moment alone was the trigger. If you look closely, it’s actually the first time EVER during sex with Pilsang that Jooeon doesn’t talk, like at all. Usually he’s very vocal, teasing, trying to control the mood, saying things to provoke Pilsang and always keeping that confident composed image (except during climax). But this time he was completely lost in the moment. He was only thinking about how he couldn’t hold back anymore.
So it's not about the d*ck thing itself, but the whole picture that hit him: he saw how instinctive and almost feral he had been, how little control he had, how raw he acted, how much he needed to kiss Pilsang, and how unlike his usual self he was. Someone like Pilsang made him let go of the carefully controlled version of himself he always presents, and I think that and the realization of his feelings were too much for him to take, and maybe also a huge blow to his ego.
Now about his reaction to Pilsang trying to “define” his feelings : in the Korean version, Jooeon was actually much harsher. He basically says, how can a “nobody” like Pilsang decide what his feelings are? Which is honestly so rich coming from him ! Like, the double standard is wild when he’s been playing with Pilsang’s feelings all along. It shows that even if he’s been genuinely caring toward Pilsang, he’s still far too proud when it comes to himself and his own emotions.
And honestly, I don’t think he doesn’t know the answer to why Pilsang is trying to “clear up the misunderstanding.” The way he says it feels less like a genuine question and more like a “How dare he ? How dare someone like Pilsang talk about my feelings ?!”
Just pure ego...
You'll give him 5 chapters but sadly we only have 3–4 chapters max left before the big hiatus, the first season is definitely ending with angst AND a brutal cliffhanger (/TДT)/
Also, I agree about the cabin. I feel like the fact that it was mentioned has to serve some kind of purpose, so that's likely what's going to happen. But, on the other hand, knowing this author, they might completely flip our expectations and take the story in a totally different direction ! Either way, I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens ~
Mannn i really like ur essay, this is really good AAAA CANT WAIT FOR TODAY’s CHAPTER
Agh, that's makes way more sense then if the Korean raws have the harsher implied message and hold to Jooeon's attitude. This Eng vers made is way more charitable/ambiguous with how he feels
ALSO, I FORGOT THIS COULD TOTALLY BE CLIFFHANGERED WITH HIATUS FOR A SEASON 2 ┗( T﹏T )┛ I won't survive that long... I'm so down bad for this
Also +++++, love these convos
Thank you both ! I really appreciate these exchanges too — discussing theories and sharing thoughts is always nice ~
There's actually only one chapter left ╥﹏╥
I got my calculations mixed up and remembered it wrong—I thought there were three chapters left, including the most recent one, but there are actually only two, counting the chapter posted yesterday.
So next week's chapter will be the season finale (/TДT)/
My take is that he's been into pilsang since the moment he saw him during the first story with the robot ML when pilsang was still obsessed with the cute MC. He just doesn't want to admit to himself that what he feels is the "disgusting feeling" or related feelings (like jealousy, worry, etc) to what he considers a fake none-existent emotion, love. The funny thing is he's been trying to get pilsang to obsess over him the way he was over the other MC, basically wants pilsang to fall madly in love with him. Typical narcissistic successful ML though, he doesn't want to admit he himself is in love and obsessed. Urgh
Disgusting ?!! why the fuck he's saying that