I was diagnosed with Anti social personality disorder. But unlike ml, my parents doesnt care much to immediately notice something is wrong with me, we found out when I was already 16 years old. It's not as extreme as ml, but I had a hard time understanding human emotions to the point that even when my grandmother, who took care of me since I was a baby, died, I dont understand why they had to ask me to cry when I dont feel like too. When she died I thought, living is gonna be a bit hard now, I had to take care of things myself. I dont feel empathy, no, I think I dont feel any emotions at all, only constant annoyance and rage, negative feelings that are easy to name. Its hard to mingle with peers as I dont understand why they are happy, sad, or hurt. Theraphy doesnt help, medications, theres nothing like that. All I can do is read the room as much as possible, study people's expression and tone, be a kind and perfect person as much as possible. But when something doesn't go my way I explode, hurting people no matter the consequence. Then I got introduced to stories by the internet. At first it's just a hobby I find not boring, then as I continue reading all sorts of stories I got more and more into these curious worlds. Through the words I read, the words that authors use to explain the character's feelings, I slowly adapted. I feel normal but separated in the real world at the same time. I guess, these stories became my obsession, it's the only way I can feel emotions, it's the only way I can feel normal, I feel alive. You can understand it as the stories as my inseob/peter. If I can't read a story in a day I feel like I'm going crazy. If there's a thing such as a story addiction, I might have it. Anyways, people with anti social personality disorder doesn't immediately became a psycho, narcisist, or sociopath. It comes to how their life will lead them and what decision they will make in a situation. If I didn't became addicted to books, or if I didn't learn basic emotions from the novels I read, I might've not become a proper person in a society. There's a big chance I could've been a criminal. Right now, there's still a lot I don't understand about being a proper human, but as much as possible I tried not to hurt someone. As long as I don't hurt anyone without proper reason, I'll live.
I was diagnosed with Anti social personality disorder. But unlike ml, my parents doesnt care much to immediately notice something is wrong with me, we found out when I was already 16 years old.
It's not as extreme as ml, but I had a hard time understanding human emotions to the point that even when my grandmother, who took care of me since I was a baby, died, I dont understand why they had to ask me to cry when I dont feel like too. When she died I thought, living is gonna be a bit hard now, I had to take care of things myself. I dont feel empathy, no, I think I dont feel any emotions at all, only constant annoyance and rage, negative feelings that are easy to name. Its hard to mingle with peers as I dont understand why they are happy, sad, or hurt.
Theraphy doesnt help, medications, theres nothing like that. All I can do is read the room as much as possible, study people's expression and tone, be a kind and perfect person as much as possible. But when something doesn't go my way I explode, hurting people no matter the consequence.
Then I got introduced to stories by the internet. At first it's just a hobby I find not boring, then as I continue reading all sorts of stories I got more and more into these curious worlds.
Through the words I read, the words that authors use to explain the character's feelings, I slowly adapted.
I feel normal but separated in the real world at the same time.
I guess, these stories became my obsession, it's the only way I can feel emotions, it's the only way I can feel normal, I feel alive.
You can understand it as the stories as my inseob/peter. If I can't read a story in a day I feel like I'm going crazy. If there's a thing such as a story addiction, I might have it.
Anyways, people with anti social personality disorder doesn't immediately became a psycho, narcisist, or sociopath. It comes to how their life will lead them and what decision they will make in a situation.
If I didn't became addicted to books, or if I didn't learn basic emotions from the novels I read, I might've not become a proper person in a society. There's a big chance I could've been a criminal.
Right now, there's still a lot I don't understand about being a proper human, but as much as possible I tried not to hurt someone. As long as I don't hurt anyone without proper reason, I'll live.