As someone with PTSD, I love this story so much and these characters are written so well (and with a purpose). I really struggle with the rape scenes because of how much I've seen and know to be true. The fear, helplessness, wanting to no longer be in the situation but it's all you know. I've had friends try to get me into foster care during my schooling because of my experiences. But, I was so fearful of the things I was told would happen to me so badly that I cut contact with everyone who tried to help. Even though I wanted out, the option of being "free" was even more terrifying because that's all I knew. My trust in people was broken.
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It's really challenging to live an experience you don't know. It's hard to accept that you deserve better.. let alone accept help from others because we're (people like yeseung) conditioned to believe that everyone is going to think of you as a burden and that a "better life" isn't for someone like us.
The torment of wanting to leave that situation and escape, the fear of going against the person causing harm, getting mad at those who want to help.. it's all written so well. I'm curious if the author has a lived experience like this. Its hard to imagine something this well thought out and written to come from someone without trauma.
the way yeseung's written is surprisingly well-done (compared to other BL manhwa w people in active abuse situations), like that tiny desire to be saved (suppressed survival instinct that he's shit-scared to listen to) on top of all the conditioning over time that's made him believe the father figure is the safest option bc he's been taught that's all he can trust (& bc his nervous system's used to him living like that) and the desperation for that father figure to be worthy of the trust he wants to give him, etc etc etc. just really resonates (or i'm projecting, whatever).