This is my own interpretation but I feel that a faceless manager represents his lack of involvement with him. He knew that the manager was a nice person, he cared about the professor, the professor in some ways probably showed some kindness but never more than that. I think some people believe they had a romantic relationship and I don’t think so, for me the professor being kind and attentive was his way of “accepting” the manager but once the manager passed away probably felt like for nothing. Discussions, talks, music, kindness shared for nothing for just a glimpse of something he could never have and from there he just shut down to anything other than music. He was only kind to music but not to anyone outside.
Garam represented once again, that care was and kindness someone, 10y ago, shared with the professor and after battling and continuously hurting Garam… Garam always says: I’m not going anywhere, I am here, I won’t run away from you… and that breaks Heejae. It’s the feeling of being scared of being once again left alone after now knowing how the warmth of someone so kind feels like.
That’s why he’s now always trying to please Garam with everything, now he doesn’t talk about sound but his face and the face he makes… and that for me it’s his way of getting involved, of him realizing I see you! I pay attention to you.. something that the faceless manager couldn’t have and guilt shows.
Can someone tell me why he can't remember the manager's face? Was it bc it's too long ago or did he repress it so deep and now it's all surfacing again w garam so he sees him as garam?
Ch 138 - At this point it seems clear that it is the guilt more than anything that's devouring him. his grief and guilt is just oozing over everything, especially his love for han. It's not that his lover reminds him of his ex; it seems that his present happiness is giving him survivor's guilt, like he may be the reason a good person left and passed away, while he's still here experiencing unconditional love.