I know you’re just venting, but reading this, it feels like you’re describing your relationship with closeness and attachment more than your sexuality or romantic orientation. Tbh, it sounds more like the way you connect with people. You talk a lot about losing yourself around others, feeling like you could leave anyone if something feels off, and not believing love can really last. That feels like something bigger than just finding the right label.
I think it would be worth trying to understand those feelings first, whether that is through therapy, talking to someone you trust, or just taking time to reflect. If you later realise a label fits you, that is completely fine. I just do not think you need to start there. Seems more of a personality thing than a sexuality thing.
maybe you like or into platonic relationship?
hmm so I've been thinking abt this a lot lately i usually considered myself an avoident but even if I definitely feel sexual desires I'm not that sure abt romantic feelings honestly I haven't had this thought until recently and personally I don't like to date I think dating can be good for a short period of time but for a long time? Nah,actually I've been friends w some people for more than a decade and when I tend to spend a lot of time w one person I start to shape myself to be liked by that person losing myself in the process and the sad thing is even if I talk to those friends and have fun w them i still resent them inside but also like w people who I've considered dating I like them I like to fantasize abt dating them but I still don't want to ACTUALLY date them maybe? Idk everything is really confusing I've started to feel like I'm a temporary partner in everyone's life I can never be the "one" because I don't want to be the one I want to have fun w people and have good fulfilling friendships w everyone but not make a "best friend" or "a partner" and even w literally everyone I feel like I can drop them anytime because I'll be fine anyway and with a partner I have a feeling that I'll eventually drop them too if I feel slightly off I also don't believe that two people can always be in love if there's two people there will also be something that a person doesn't like abt the other and for me that disliking part just goes deep but I've also come out as bi 2 years ago and I'm also not extremely similar w aroace so I'm just venting it here