honestly, ive been following this story for a really long time and i still cant understand...

I stopped midway through the chapter to comment the same thing. When did Mok fall in love with Nanjo?

his feels more like an obsession because i genuinely cant trace the source of this love back to anything. i swear, if they had even ONE genuinely sweet moment between them it would be so much easier to understand

Maybe it was the night they went to eat out and take pics? But Mok alludes to the fact that he already likes Nanjo and that's why he's avoiding sex

Guys he confirmed he started to like nanjo in chapter 21, it started as an obsession because he eventually gets bored but he mentioned his thirst for nanjo was more than just that. They did have sweet moments, they hung out together and almost shared a kiss before it began to rain. You could see nanjo slowly being ok with what mokyeon had to offer him. Nanjo was not only ok with it, he even initiated it in chapter 24 when mokyeon didn’t want to have sex because he wanted to show nanjo he didn’t ONLY want nanjo for sex. They kissed on chapter 29, you could see nanjo’s eyebrows soften up when mokyeon confessed to being in love with him in the recent chapter. Nanjo’s face was no longer tense when on chapter 29 mokyeon said “all I need is you”. Nanjo might not look like he’s expressing much but his eyebrows say it all. I beg you to reread and look at Nanjo’s expressions, I noticed their pupils turn black when they feel something negative and turn white when it’s good or neutral. You can tell it’s not the lighting either because look at nanjo’s pupils on chapter 34 before and after mokyeon’s confession.

he never got to imprint on someone as a duckling and never got socialized as a puppy. he'll get attached to anything within 100m of his emotional radius.

oh thank you for explaining that. however, i still don’t understand how makyeon fell in love with him in the beginning. did he think that he was treating him well just by following the expressions in his eyebrows and eyes? because at first they were just sleeping together, and he knew that he was sleeping with him because of sunhwa, and then he suddenly said that he had fallen in love with him. it’s just really hard to understand because he fell in love with him so quickly

samee im trying to tie it due to his childhood trauma however, i still dont see how he became so obsessed he will kill himself. maybe nanjo sparked something within his abandonment issues that made mok try to hold onto what he thought nanjo's "affection" that consumed him so much

I see where you’re coming from, I think it can get a little vague at times because some of the chapter show a small time skip between what happens from time to time. Mokyeon describes how they continued having threesomes here and there while his thirst was building up for nanjo behind the scenes. There are moments we don’t get to see either, for example chapter 16/17 when they talk about getting coffee together and it skips to their moans/sex all of a sudden. Mokyeon would masturbate thinking about nanjo (who knows how many times he did it. We got to see some of the text messages between nanjo/mokyeon yet not all because mokyeon says he had been sending him texts for a few days. We know mokyeon’s sadistic tendencies disappear in front of Nanjo too because he doesn’t even think about it or when he got angry he held back (chap 15 and 27). Nanjo at heart is a kind person, he hits mokyeon, gets mad, and still hands mokyeon a tissue (chap 10). It’s probably small gestures that kept mokyeon curious about nanjo, he liked discovering new sides of nanjo such as his smile, his expressions/first prostate orgasm during sex, the fact that nanjo remembered mokyeon liked sweet stuff and cared to ask about mokyeon’s tattoos.

Also everyone around mokyeon usually likes him or is attracted to him but nanjo was different because he didn’t want mokyeon (at first) The more he couldn’t have nanjo the more he yearned for him.