i feel like you did the right thing because i would totally do the same, it is a little weird how she was calling herself the "ugly" friend and you the "pretty" friend. i dont want to seem rude because she was your friend and like you stated, you feel more peaceful without her in your life and i think you did the right thing. :)
No distancing yourself from that kind of behaviour is completely valid because this “friend” seems to be feeding off putting you down. That’s not what a friend does — or anyone with any real self awareness.
If they continue to reach out to you, since both of you are older and I would presume more mature, maybe explain why you are distancing yourself from them to them. It might help them realise exactly what they’re doing and give them an opportunity to change themselves and show that they actually care for you; in a deeper way than just to vent and project their insecurities onto you.
This belittling behaviour is not okay and should not be tolerated. I’ve encountered a few people who do this and sometimes I think the best way to combat this, if they don’t listen when you explain your feelings clearly to them, is to just cut them out and continue on with your own life — as you are trying to do.
If they still won’t listen to reason, just block them out of your life completely. Ignore their texts but don’t cower when you see them in public. Continue living your own life and having fun. Even if they’re in the same place as you, like a party or an event, you just avoid getting into a conversation with them and talk to the people around them. A person like the one you described will find that you not being hung up on them and their “friendship” to you, is insufferable.
Sometimes, just cutting out negative people — who you have tried to remedy your relationship with but they’re the ones who won’t change — is the only option for peace of mind.
I don’t mean to sound pushy or condescending in this message because I truly hope for the best for you in this sticky situation. Good luck!!!
As someone in kinda the same situation a few years back, she was only with me when she was sad and needed a shoulder to lean on, but never there during the happy times. (there is A LOT more, we we're just very toxic for eachother) i finally decided to go our seperate ways which she was VERY angry about, (wrote her a long message) but i couldn't handle that mental load of everything anymore, and i would say that was for the best.
My life is so much more peaceful now, i'm using my time so productively and i'm not feeling held back or judged by anything i do, i have more energy as i don't use my energy on her and her mental load and i feel a whole lot better (stopped binging, healthily lost 40 pounds, eating right for my body, exercising, starting my BA and spending time with my family). One of my close friends became my new best friend (going on 7 years) and we haven't fought.. yes people and relationships like that exist. What i'm tryna say is, you are 99% not the AH and have every right to protect YOUR peace and YOURSELF, that 1% is from what i personally would say that maybe you should close that chapter for good by calling/messaging her, saying that you'd think that you would have it best that you don't continue the friendship anymore, and i'm only saying this for your peace so that you'd feel like you've closed the chapter for good. But all in all, you are not the AH and don't feel guilty by protecting yourself and your wellbeing.
All the best of luck to you
i have a friend and we’ve known each other for 5 years now. in the early years i knew her, i knew she was insecure about herself and had pretty low self esteem due to her body dysmorphia and history of being bullied (she had shared this to me in our second year of friendship). so i had always tried to be cautious of what kind of things i can talk about with her without triggering her because she’ll always say things that make me feel guilty of the things i can’t control (how guys have crushes on me and i just reject them cuz im nit interested), i don’t wanna sound like a pretentious person but i didn’t even do anything to make them like me. she always say things like how she feels like she’s the ugly friend and im pretty so guys always like me. i do feel sorry for her and try to reassure her but to her, getting male attention is somewhat of an achievement so i can kinda understand how she views the stuation. but as we grew older, she started projecting more and more of her insecurities onto me, and i notice that she always dominates any conversation where im a part of. that she constantly tries to exclude me out of group convos or even just when its the two of us, shell forced her way and when i say even anything shell go on like she didn’t hear me. then i started detaching myself from her and limiting any form of contact until eventually just nothing at all. i just ghosted her. so AITA or is this the right thing to do? im super confused and feeling guilty but i fell like my life is peaceful without her . also i ghosted because i noticed that she does notice my disappearance but she always reaches out to me under the guise of checking in on me and ans then immediately swerving to go on and on about herself and seeking my validation. ive been giving her short replies to discourage her on going about herself never endingly but even that just spurs hwr on. it seems she doesn’t get the message or idk maybe she doesn’t care