saw the comments and honestly i didn’t think i was gonna cry this bad the more i think about anzai’s actions, the more heartbreaking the whole thing becomes. i honestly feel like anzai was scared, not just of losing miura, but of everything around them. the way people viewed them, their families being against them, and knowing that maybe they were never going to be allowed to just live peacefully together. i feel like anzai had already made up his mind that he wanted to die, but he knew miura well enough to know that if he just left him behind, miura would never be able to accept it. he might even try to die too because he couldn’t imagine living without him.
and that’s what makes the whole “we’ll die together” thing hurt so much more to me. i don’t think anzai actually wanted miura to die with him. i think he said that because he knew it was the only way miura would go through with it, while secretly making sure that miura’s pill wouldn’t actually kill him. anzai was basically choosing to die alone while making miura believe they were going to die together. he was protecting miura from the one thing he was most afraid of: miura following him.
and then the usb makes everything even more painful because anzai had already prepared so much before he died. he knew miura was going to survive. he knew miura would wake up and realize he was gone. and instead of just leaving him with nothing, he left something behind for him. even the glitch feels important to me because it’s like anzai was still thinking about miura’s future when he knew he wouldn’t be part of it anymore.
like he didn’t just want miura to survive. he wanted miura to eventually be okay.
and that honestly destroys me because anzai was literally preparing for a future he knew he wouldn’t be alive to see. he was thinking about miura being alone, about how devastated he would be, about how badly he would want to follow him, and he tried to prevent that even after he was gone. he was willing to make miura believe they were dying together just so miura wouldn’t realize that anzai was actually leaving him behind.
the glitch especially hurts because it feels like anzai’s last attempt to tell miura, “please keep living.” like he knew miura would be heartbroken, but he didn’t want that heartbreak to become the end of his life. he wanted miura to remember him, grieve him, and eventually move forward, even if that meant miura would have to live in a world where anzai wasn’t there anymore.
and how am i supposed to be normal after realizing that
because anzai wasn’t just thinking about his own death. even while deciding to die, he was still thinking about what would happen to miura afterward. he was literally planning his own goodbye around miura’s survival. he wanted to die, but he didn’t want miura to die with him, and he didn’t want miura to spend the rest of his life trapped in his grief either.
that is such a cruel kind of love because anzai had to leave the person he loved while also making sure that person would eventually learn how to live without him.
if that were me, i genuinely don’t think i could move on. knowing someone loved me enough to plan their final moments around making sure i survived?? how am i supposed to just fall in love with someone else after that i would spend the rest of my life thinking about everything they did just to make sure i could keep living. (kms) anzai’s last act of love wasn’t asking miura to follow him. it was making sure miura wouldn’t
saw the comments and honestly i didn’t think i was gonna cry this bad the more i think about anzai’s actions, the more heartbreaking the whole thing becomes.
i honestly feel like anzai was scared, not just of losing miura, but of everything around them. the way people viewed them, their families being against them, and knowing that maybe they were never going to be allowed to just live peacefully together. i feel like anzai had already made up his mind that he wanted to die, but he knew miura well enough to know that if he just left him behind, miura would never be able to accept it. he might even try to die too because he couldn’t imagine living without him.
and that’s what makes the whole “we’ll die together” thing hurt so much more to me. i don’t think anzai actually wanted miura to die with him. i think he said that because he knew it was the only way miura would go through with it, while secretly making sure that miura’s pill wouldn’t actually kill him. anzai was basically choosing to die alone while making miura believe they were going to die together. he was protecting miura from the one thing he was most afraid of: miura following him.
and then the usb makes everything even more painful because anzai had already prepared so much before he died. he knew miura was going to survive. he knew miura would wake up and realize he was gone. and instead of just leaving him with nothing, he left something behind for him. even the glitch feels important to me because it’s like anzai was still thinking about miura’s future when he knew he wouldn’t be part of it anymore.
like he didn’t just want miura to survive. he wanted miura to eventually be okay.
and that honestly destroys me because anzai was literally preparing for a future he knew he wouldn’t be alive to see. he was thinking about miura being alone, about how devastated he would be, about how badly he would want to follow him, and he tried to prevent that even after he was gone. he was willing to make miura believe they were dying together just so miura wouldn’t realize that anzai was actually leaving him behind.
the glitch especially hurts because it feels like anzai’s last attempt to tell miura, “please keep living.” like he knew miura would be heartbroken, but he didn’t want that heartbreak to become the end of his life. he wanted miura to remember him, grieve him, and eventually move forward, even if that meant miura would have to live in a world where anzai wasn’t there anymore.
and how am i supposed to be normal after realizing that
because anzai wasn’t just thinking about his own death. even while deciding to die, he was still thinking about what would happen to miura afterward. he was literally planning his own goodbye around miura’s survival. he wanted to die, but he didn’t want miura to die with him, and he didn’t want miura to spend the rest of his life trapped in his grief either.
that is such a cruel kind of love because anzai had to leave the person he loved while also making sure that person would eventually learn how to live without him.
if that were me, i genuinely don’t think i could move on. knowing someone loved me enough to plan their final moments around making sure i survived?? how am i supposed to just fall in love with someone else after that i would spend the rest of my life thinking about everything they did just to make sure i could keep living. (kms)
anzai’s last act of love wasn’t asking miura to follow him. it was making sure miura wouldn’t