maybe unpopular opinion

i think calling that guy ideums first love is a bit overkill maybe crush at most and he did leave a lasting impact on ideum BUT i think (and this is where the unpopular opinion comes in and i don’t really see people talking about it as much) he had more of a negative impact on ideum. i think rather than being a good first love memory, it tinges on bittersweetness, ideum never got to confess and the memory is shadowed with ideum questioning whether he deserves to feel the warmth that’s associated with love and also on a bigger scale the quote from the essay “misfortune stems from denial” had an adverse impact on ideum, because he uses it to hold himself accountable for falling ill and making his family fall apart even tho that wasn’t his fault (he also uses it as a life motto almost when he apologises to his mom and admits his mistakes even tho he literally did NOTHING WRONG) he also uses it to i guess justify the fact that he’s undeserving of love (even tho he is not but that seems to be something he grapples with a lot in the story) so i think that his crush’s impact on ideum did him more bad than good and his memory is tinged with bittersweetness rather than the warmth associated with a first love which he kinda says in that chapter as well. Also (despite the angst potential and jealousy) i would have preferred for ideums crush to be anyone but jaeyis brother i just think him having such a hold over both of them is a bit much, we can clearly tell that his brother and his brothers illness have affected jaeyi a lot (also im not usually a fan of these entanglements and find them boring and overdone BUT i think i would love to see ideum stand unwaveringly by jaeyis side and choose him if it comes down to it) but alas i digress, i also saw someone on tiktok theorise that ideum and jaeyis older brother might have met outside school as well like in the hospital , due to smth ideum says, to which i don’t agree with completely (it’s an interesting thought and theory) as well because ideums illness was in his childhood and unless his illness relapsed i don’t see that happening but idkkkkkkk (i also think that if they had met later on in life it would have been shown in that dream or maybe not can’t exactly reveal the whole story all at once) im so impatient waiting to see how the story unravels but so excited i love this story sooooo much