i get your point but you also have to undertstand the time period they are in and how she was raised, she was raised to beleive her worth in men is to be useful, and yeah she does have differnt definition of being useful but she feared that losing her baby and not even being able to prove she is useful is going to make him divorce him. I think she had the right to throw herself a pity party knowing what she has been through and the fact her trauma was just a few chapters ago being recognized by the people who took part in tormenting her in some form or way.
I understand where you're coming from, sneaking off to war was NOT the play, but a lot of that blame can be laid on Riftan, too. From the start he's treated her like a doll he just has to dress, feed, and fuck to keep happy. That's not how he sees it, but that's how it appears. He treats her as useless as her father says she is. He wouldn't have had to do much, just clue her in on goings-on and at least make a shallow attempt at including her, rather than fight and scream at her at every turn. "Oh you want to learn magic? That'll be helpful, sure, I'm happy to have the contribution." "You want to know what's going on? The gist of it is... but we've got this, don't worry." All she asked for was to be included, not necessarily involved. I doubt she would have taken such drastic measures if he had made any effort to communicate besides "no, shut up, wife, this is for your own good and only I know what's good."
He is to blame too, I totally agree with you. I’m not even going against that. I totally understand that she wanted to feel included, but no matter how involved she was she always wants to go further. Putting herself in danger to prove to people that she can be useful again and again and again and again, she’s the one that’s not satisfied. Then, running away instead of standing her ground when the very thing that he has been trying to avoid did happen diminishes all her efforts.
But somehow it’s always other peoples’ fault for not putting their trust in her. I’m not trying to over criticise her. I’m just saying that, in the end, she does all this for herself rather than to help or protect anybody. She refused to believe that he would come back safely while she blames him for not putting his trust in her every time.
I really love them, but I have to say she IS self absorbed —to me at least.
I do understand what trauma do to people and that she wants to prove herself (which given her situation I understand) but Riftan has told her so many times that he did not want her to get hurt which is why he did not want her to accompany them to war and she put herself in danger willingly just so she can get news faster. and she did not even consider (as she said herself) the fact that it would be a burden for him… like? isn’t that obvious?
then she miscarried and she didn’t think much about the baby, she is only scared about him divorcing her. She did not even reflect on her actions that brought this situation in the first place.
And then she has been acting so brave the whole time, but decides to leave with her father that has been traumatising her, so she won’t face Riftan. But really, she threw herself a pity party. her sister was mean in her words, but she was right.
I hate her father and yes, I’m happy they’re going for war. However, she always acts so selfless, but honestly, her actions are only done in a manner that would benefit her in someway with hardly any consideration for other peoples’ feelings. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m just saying.