Responses
Love this breakdown. Especially, “Heejae thinks that Garam is infinite in love and forgiveness.” Garam has continuously shown Heejae that Garam loves him, and verbalizes it on command. But Heejae refuses to reciprocate because he thinks Garam will continue to accept his obstinance the way he always has. I’m glad the breaking point finally arrived.
I will first reiterate, I am 100% Garam supporter and I think he should have done more than destroy that piano. But also…. (I’m gonna go on a long-winded rant)
To a certain extent, I do empathise with Heejae’s condition (not the whole Compton saga, but him being a metaphorical knife) and I can see why he would feel “betrayed” and insecure if he hoped that Garam would keep accept him, flaws and all. It doesn’t help the fact that objectively speaking, Heejae is not that likeable. Other than having this innate personality defect, he was brought up in a very elite and upper-class society that bred in him all the egoism and solipsism found in both the Korean Peninsula and American soil. Add to the fact that he is a once-in-lifetime musical prodigy. (Drink everytime someone chokes on his dick calling in Maestro).
This man was always going to have severe degree of arrogance that you find in wealthy, brilliant people. Therefore, to the common non-music nerd, he is detestable. But…at least he is self-aware about his personality demerits. IMO He’s allowed to want Garam, his lover to compromise on these personality defects of him and love him entirely especially since he’s shown him some aspect of his interior (his self-composed pieces, the narrative behind his Chopin). However, I am also severely critical of his VERY stubborn trait of refusing any inner growth or development to a palpable degree. We as readers have seen him try to overcome his hauntings, to try and treat Garam more sweetly and even show his moe side (He is endearing to me at times, middle-aged pookie). But Garam, as a character in this narrative cannot see that entirely and find security in maybes and assumptions. Garam wants apologies, he wants sincere declarations of love and vulnerability that is supposed to be a bare minimum in a relationship like theirs. The fact that Heejae is so obstinate to the point he can’t even consider an apology, not even an entire personality overhaul, is so infuriating. His incorrigible stubbornness is inextricable from his self-identify being tied to music. He cannot love because he only loves music (as he says). There’s one thing being self-aware about your character demerits and just saying “meh this is what you get, deal with it” vs. realising that you need to at least try to change if you want to keep people you care about in your life.
This closing chapter hammered just how cruel this obstinacy can be. Heejae thinks that Garam is infinite in love and forgiveness. This season ending just disproved that. The fact that Garam finally broke down and actually revealed how much pain he was in and how much his love (kind of) outweighed the emotional pain Heejae caused and that Heejae thought that he can save a ship that’s sailed, struck and ice-berg and sank in the depths of the ocean is laughably absurd to me. Heejae is an absurd concept to me, seeking love and compassion but refusing to verbally reciprocate it and pushing it away with callous words and behavior. He deserves to have that piano destroyed.