ugh ok THIS is what gets me about Mei specifically now -- the thing he learned because other people were constantly deciding what use he could be to them? that's the thing he now uses to understand people and take care of them.
he learned how to make himself useful before he ever got to just be a person, just a CHILD. and somehow that didn't make him cruel. it made him frighteningly good at seeing what people need. and he was taught to survive by becoming whatever other people wanted, and he grew up helping people find what *they* actually want.
which also makes his own blind spot so fucking painful. Mei knows how to give, arrange, fix, facilitate, provide... he knows how to make himself valuable in somebody else's life.
what I don't know if he understands yet is how to just be in one.
ugh ok THIS is what gets me about Mei specifically now -- the thing he learned because other people were constantly deciding what use he could be to them? that's the thing he now uses to understand people and take care of them.
he learned how to make himself useful before he ever got to just be a person, just a CHILD. and somehow that didn't make him cruel. it made him frighteningly good at seeing what people need. and he was taught to survive by becoming whatever other people wanted, and he grew up helping people find what *they* actually want.
which also makes his own blind spot so fucking painful. Mei knows how to give, arrange, fix, facilitate, provide... he knows how to make himself valuable in somebody else's life.
what I don't know if he understands yet is how to just be in one.