Based on my understanding of what Ian said in Chapter 98, he meant that I HAD ALWAYS RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, TRYING TO SHAKE OFF THE MISFORTUNE THAT SURROUNDED ME. He attempted to run away with Tj and Jo, believing that fleeing from his past would bring him the peace he longed for, but he couldn’t achieve that. He always concluded that he had a negative impact on the people he loved, which led him to decide to leave them; that is why he said his HEART HAD BEEN ANCHORED TO A SINGLE SPOT ALL ALONG.” I don’t think he was referring to a specific person when he said that, but rather speaking about his own feelings. He then cited Jason as an example: Jason had committed terrible acts but, sensing his impending death, sought peace and atonement for his past by donating to the church. Jason was deluding himself into thinking he had found salvation, just as Ian deluded himself into thinking that running from his past would bring him peace and salvation. Ultimately, he decided to embrace his past and work on healing himself. The author also mentioned that the “eg” would be the one who is most persistent, not necessarily the one Ian loves the most, since he loved both of them.
Alright, I’m writing my final comment on this manhwa. This is my personal opinion on Ian’s character, and I know many might disagree. Yes, Ian is a victim; he suffers from anxiety, emotional instability, and self-blame, so all his decisions stem from that mindset. He made many mistakes because of it—after all, the author wouldn’t portray him as the “worst” if he hadn’t been. He was unfaithful to both men and wasn’t honest with them until the very end. Both men were sincerely in love with him and tried, in their own ways, to keep him close—whether by bringing him into the gang, which emotionally drained him to the point where he couldn’t go on, or by trying to give him a normal life, which he couldn’t adapt to because he remained constantly anxious. He was involved in situationship relationships with both sides and was drawn to them because he knew how obsessed they were with him, yet he didn’t admit his love for them until the end. He wanted Tj to confess his feelings but didn’t make the first move himself; when Tj didn’t, he fell for Jo. That is why, when he does not feel stable, he decides to run away, believing that he is having bad influence on them. Ultimately, he parted ways with both but chose the one who persisted on him. With Tj, it was the bathroom scene where he gave him a final chance; with Jo, it was at the station, though Jo chose to respect his decision. Tj, however, came back to confess that he wanted him. Ian then left for two years to heal himself so he could finally embrace the person who had insisted on him.In the end, he lied to both men: he told Jo he wouldn’t go back to TJ, and he lied to TJ while he was actually thinking about Jo and That’s why I don’t feel the ending is truly romantic.
So yes, Ian is a victim, and I understand why his trauma shaped his choices. But being a victim doesn’t automatically make every choice he made right.