It's less about the manager and more about heejae's fear and insecurities. At some point that ghostly figure is no longer the memory of the manager, it symbolizes heejae's negative feelings and a reminder that he's not a "human", but a "knife".
This is my interpretatiom back when we were on 130-140, and i still stand by it if you wanna check it out:
https://www.mangago.me/home/mangatopic/22951870/
I get that, and I’m not saying Garam is literally a replacement for the manager. I understand that the manager represents HJ’s biggest regret and that remembering him is supposed to show HJ’s fear of repeating the same mistake.My issue is with how often the story uses that parallel. When almost every vulnerable moment with Garam circles back to the manager, it starts weakening the idea that HJ and Garam’s connection stands on its own.
There’s a difference between “HJ’s past affects how he loves Garam” and making so much of his emotional response to Garam filtered through another person that Garam starts feeling narratively tied to that person. If the point is that HJ loves Garam immensely for who he is, I wanted the writing to give that relationship more space to develop independently instead of repeatedly using the manager as the emotional framework for HJ’s feelings. That’s why it made their relationship feel less believable to me, even if the intended meaning was different.
Huh, i guess i didnt really get that feeling, it's still believeable to me because of how intertwined and revolved around garam heejae's life was in chapter 5. But i get the feeling to want more of heejae's emotional exploration, and i'm looking forward to see it in chapter 6.
Oh! And i also forgot to write, idk if this is specific to neurospicy people or not (im autistic) but constantly using one person as a "baseline" to process my emotions and interact with others is something i do as well. Idk if that's comparable in this case though hehe, but i guess that's why i never think the ghostly figure is detrimental to heejae and garam's relationship.
The author dragged the Lightman storyline WAY too much and it honestly made HJ/Garam feel less believable to me. Like why spend all that time building up how unique their connection is just to keep implying that HJ was drawn to Garam because he reminded him of that manager??
I get that HJ is haunted by the manager because he died and there’s unresolved grief there, but at some point it started feeling like Garam was being used as a replacement/projection instead of someone HJ genuinely fell for because he was Garam,the musician , the sound or the being who could finally understand and reach him without him explaining himself . And that’s what bothers me because Garam clearly loved HJ for all of him, the good and the bad, and genuinely thought HJ understood him too. Meanwhile the writing kept making HJ’s side feel less sincere by constantly bringing that manager into their dynamic. It also lowkey contradicts the whole point of them connecting through music and understanding each other on a deeper level.The manager storyline could’ve worked without making their relationship feel less authentic