Responses
hey, i hope you and your family are doing well, i just wanted to say you are a really kind hearted person and you should not be blaming yourself for what happened, no body could have suspected for anything like this to happen, just a very unlucky accident. i hope your daughter is doing alright, you are an amazing father and you should not be think about the worst case scenerio and focus on being as present as you are in the moment, everything else will line up. i hope you have an amazing life filled with only happiness and adventures, as someone who has difficulties with their father this message really touched me. good luck and godspeed stranger.
This is just a ramble post so I'll probably delete it later, but I can't post it anywhere else because I've been dragged to hell and back for it.
So my girlfriend and I have a daughter, she's not biologically mine but her actual father has never been in the picture, and I met her when she was 1 years old. She's 6 now, and I see her as my own now. She's also special needs, autism level 3 and non speaking. (I'm gonna call her lily but that's not her name, Im confusing myself with saying her constantly)
There was an incident that happened when she was out with her support workers. She is a BIG eloper (runner) and once you let go of her, she will run. I won't give the full story but she has a bag with a leash on it and it had snapped and she took off. She ran onto the fucking road with moving cars. Her support worker had to chase her down and thankfully she did catch her, lily is safe and didn't get hit by any cars but when my girlfriend got the call for it (she was home from work) and told me, we couldn't stop panicking. This happened not even that long ago and I was forced into my room because I was so panicked, lily is on her way home and my girlfriend is waiting for her outside the front of the house.
I was the one who got her ready this morning, and I should've checked the fucking bag. She's had it for a year now, and it's a purple bag with little fairy wings on it. We use the bag when she's out with her support workers, I pack her some snacks and her lunch (she is very limited with food), her nappies, aac device (still trying to get her to use it), and her bottle of water + purse. I should've just sent her with her harness instead of the bag, I could've just packed her a different bag. Even that I should've let them take her in the wheelchair. She doesn't know how to undo any buckles or even move it.
And because of this I just can't help but think for her future. What will happen to her if something happens to me or my girlfriend?? We can't make her grandmother look after all as she's old, and I won't even let my parents near her. I'm so fucking scared for her because I don't know what will happen, and if something like this happens again maybe we won't be so lucky. The thought of this is killing me, I don't know what I would do if something happened my beautiful girl. I'm so pissed at myself.
I only picked the bag for her to use today because they only go out into the community- we only use the harness for my girlfriend and I take her out and we can hold her bag, and we only use the wheelchair for when we're going on long walks (she loves going on rides so we use it when we go to a theme park or something). I'm just so pissed I didn't properly check the fucking bag. I normally do but Ive been so so fucking exhausted because I can't sleep (I have insomnia) and I've forgotten to buy my medications. I don't know what to think or do. I'm so so worried especially for when she's older. I'm so so pissed at myself for not properly prepping everything like I normally do.