1. this is an addiction at this point and it's more common than you think
2. Seek profesional help, and i don't mean it as an insult. This is literally what therapists are for and it does affect your daily life
There’s always been a discussion on whether reality vs fake media is something that defines the kind of person you are, but I think you really just need to think for yourself on who you want to be and the decisions you make. Definitely do NOT engage in these sorts of things in reality but if it’s just fictional things you read, I think you just need to really motivate yourself to do better. Try reading other genres or topics slowly even if it’s just one chapter a day. Or try slowly scrapping out reading for a while in general and do hobbies or listen to music when you get the urges. You are so much more than the things you feed yourself and the only way to move forward is to make that decision and make a change, no matter how small, a first step is always better than none. I understand addiction, though not the same forms of media you indulge in, and I know it’s hard but you need to think about it the kind of life you wanna live and enjoy things that make you happy but also help you better the person you are. You cannot change the past but there’s always tomorrow. Good luck!
i think this is just a whole other problem, maybe talk to someone about it
ik when something very similar happened to me getting some guidance really helped, not to say it's just totally fine now but, you know
I literally want to kill myself for reading disgusting shit, on some days I just use it to cope but coping with reading rape, incest, etc seems really wrong to me. but I’m aware it’s wrong but holy shit I keep reading it. Nothing seems to catch my eye anymore except for rape filled man(hua/ga/hwa)/doujinshis.i don’t want to dig my own grave, this feels dramatic but these thoughts interfere in my school life and I feel really disappointed in myself…man I feel like shit rn or maybe cuz I am a shitty person. I really am a normal person in real life, I have tons of friends and I have a good rep. It’s just this coping mechanism I use that involves reading really problematic content or illegal content that makes me sick. Fuckkkk