I've actually been doing good rn maybe I got too emotional with reading it while I'm already stressed with doing two thesis simultaneously ┗( T﹏T )┛ Anw thanks for your concerns! I will def live as a proud engr in the future! And will continue to live my life the best while trying to not live astray :>>
I dont know what to say but I hope you are doing fine now and I hope someone beside you is there giving you plenty of geniune and chaste hugs. I understand how you feel. When I was in college, it was really the height of pheromones, I did a lot of online thing too and I was scared that it might get leaked. You will get throught this and remember your life is just starting and you will always go through anything!! Stay strong!!

I don't know what to feel about this. This way too similar to my situation like 2 years ago back in college (I'm still a college student rn, a senior) and it's kind of uncomfortable to see how identical this is with mine. It's so eerie.
Like how it started with her being curious with sex and how her virginity was taken with a cheating dude (the difference with us is that I honestly didn't know back then the guy was with someone) and after I got taste of being fucked, I had fuck buddies left and right cannot last in a day without fuck had fucked to whenever even at school, library you name it, and had multisome. Well, lucky for her the scandal was immediately deleted and shi haha mine's been passed around our dept so it kept me swirled my mind and anxious to the point that I hate going to school anymore. It got me so depressed and socially paranoid. On my mind any guy that would try to date me, mainly guys from our dept made me think that he already watched it and just want to fuck me.
Don't get me wrong I really regret doing those things and wished I those times didn't occurred. And I actually stopped with it coz I realized that guys, well most of guys, are just trying to get on my pants so I'm so wary about them that I'm on celibacy for years now haha.
Stopping with it made me respect my body and love myself more by not allowing anyone or any guy to have access with me anymore and just focused on my career, studies and capabilities than just be degraded into a whore, a relief hole.
I know I should've respected my body the first time but idk ig maybe I seek validation externally that time and feel inferior so it got me hooked on whoever made me feel needed. But thinking about it now, it's just so dumb.
I feel Iike I see my past self on Haeju and I want to advise her that seeking validation from guys thru sex to feel needed and have confidence weren't a good foundation with building yourself. Ik it's a phase but I honestly didn't want the younger girls to go thru the same phase/scenario as this.
If there's anyone who are in the similar scenario right now., I just want to tell you that you worth so much than that. You are so beautiful, intelligent, capable and too kind for you to be just a hole for those kind of scumbags. They don't deserve you. They don't deserve the access on you. I didn't say that you shouldn't have sex forever but find someone who is worthy of your embrace, your love. Cause fuck buddies are just there for pleasure but istg you'll be left alone when things get awry/emotional. You can't really rely on them forever. It's just fleeting.
You only have yourself so have more respect with your body and take care of it. There's so much more in life than just carnal pleasure. You can do so much than that.
That's all sorry for the rambling. I just feel like I need to say this and just want to offload these feelings anonymously haha. Anw the story was so fucked up haha well what do I expect with pornwha