Reading this kind of triggered my insecurities especially in academics. I used to be very lazy and content with my grades before, telling myself I'm all good with average.... but once I got all serious in my senior year of high school, I got to taste what it feels like to be at the same level of those top rankers in school and ever since then I would continue to feel that same victorious feeling. And every time I see my grades slightly lower than my friend or close classmates who's one digit higher than mine, I feel dissatisfied with my grade. And feel threatened that we studied the same shit and got the same score in these test yet she/he is higher than me and totally would feel insecure that maybe they were better than me. Feeling that sucks sometimes because it makes me want to crush out and avoid my friends but and at the same time I don't want to because they're MY friends...
Reading this kind of triggered my insecurities especially in academics. I used to be very lazy and content with my grades before, telling myself I'm all good with average.... but once I got all serious in my senior year of high school, I got to taste what it feels like to be at the same level of those top rankers in school and ever since then I would continue to feel that same victorious feeling. And every time I see my grades slightly lower than my friend or close classmates who's one digit higher than mine, I feel dissatisfied with my grade. And feel threatened that we studied the same shit and got the same score in these test yet she/he is higher than me and totally would feel insecure that maybe they were better than me. Feeling that sucks sometimes because it makes me want to crush out and avoid my friends but and at the same time I don't want to because they're MY friends...