I am tired of the naive/empathetic x toxic/self serving dynamic. Yoontae is such a great example of toxicity in dating, and how authors regularly normalize red flag behaviors and bend over backwards to excuse it in the plot. Yoontae is so intensely jealous even when he’s a just befriended Jeongseo, and actively tries to isolate him by emotionally guilting him and taking advantage of his previous isolation by selling him a load of shit about it being better to have only one friend. It would be toxic if they were on a relationship, but it’s even worse because they’re not because it just means he has that much possessiveness. Yoontae regularly teases, provokes, and pushes Jeongseo’s boundaries (while knowing that he doesn’t actually understand what is normal for friends) because he finds it amusing, so genuinely inconsiderate. When Jeongseo actually starts making friends and fitting in with the social circle at school, instead of being happy that Jeongseo is happy with all these positive life changes, he is resentful and jealous, and actively interferes and tries to isolate him. Yoontae is attracted to Jeongseo and wants to date him. He also knows that Jeongseo is interested in him. Instead of just saying it outright, he plays these toxic little games to try to make the other person to take on the burden of confessing. Constantly stating how much he likes his childhood friend, that he knows who they are (and therefore that he doesn’t believe they are Jeongseo), saying he would make a baby with them right away, etc… All things that make Jeongseo doubt his actual affection for him as a person, and makes him feel too intimidated to reveal that it was him. By acting ambiguous, Yoontae places the entirety of the emotional burden of the relationship on Jeongseo because he wants the gratification of being chosen without risking the vulnerability of being the one to confess or start the conversation about their childhood. In reality he acts jealous like a boyfriend while refusing to attempt to become more than that, constantly takes advantage of Jeongseo’s inexperience and empathy to take advantage of him, “marks his territory” to keep other potential partners away, all while talking about how he wants to date and make a baby with someone he found, but is not Jeongseo. It’s very selfish. He knows exactly what happened, how he feels, what he wants, and how to get it, but he refuses to take that first step and instead punishes Jeongseo emotionally for failing to do what he wants. The narrative and writing work very hard to ensure that Yoontae doesn’t actually experience any of the consequences from this behavior though. In this dynamic, the situation and actual connotations/intent of the behavior goes over the bubbly empath’s head, so they just shrug it off without addressing the issue. Then there’s the flash burn response. In response to an obviously controlling, hurtful, or problematic behavior the bubbly empath gets pissed off and has some intense but short reaction, (which the toxic one almost always considers cure, not a sign that they should adjust their behavior) gets over it because XYZ reason and then it never gets brought up again. Any time Yoontae feels any genuine guilt over his harmful effects on Jeongseo, the reasoning flips so the thing he was worrying about was actually never an issue. For example he starts feeling guilty (only after Jeongseo starts avoiding him) about getting too physically aggressive at his house, only for Jeongseo to casually tell him that of course THAT wasn’t the issue, it was something else. Which immediately leads to Yoontae stopping any reflection about that problematic behavior. He only cares about negatively affecting Jeongseo when it negatively affects his access to Jeongseo and ability to get what he wants out of him. He feels entitled to the reward even before it’s been granted, but doesn’t want to be involved in any of the risk related to obtaining it. He is an incredibly realistic toxic character and it feels like a lot of Jeongseo’s mannerisms and reactions are custom tailored to cater to and minimize his harmful behaviors. He is the type to create a messy situationship, refusing to give any commitment or reassurance and just creating a limbo situation while trying to manipulate the other person into finalizing everything while constantly throwing out signs that discourage them from doing so.
I am tired of the naive/empathetic x toxic/self serving dynamic. Yoontae is such a great example of toxicity in dating, and how authors regularly normalize red flag behaviors and bend over backwards to excuse it in the plot.
Yoontae is so intensely jealous even when he’s a just befriended Jeongseo, and actively tries to isolate him by emotionally guilting him and taking advantage of his previous isolation by selling him a load of shit about it being better to have only one friend. It would be toxic if they were on a relationship, but it’s even worse because they’re not because it just means he has that much possessiveness.
Yoontae regularly teases, provokes, and pushes Jeongseo’s boundaries (while knowing that he doesn’t actually understand what is normal for friends) because he finds it amusing, so genuinely inconsiderate.
When Jeongseo actually starts making friends and fitting in with the social circle at school, instead of being happy that Jeongseo is happy with all these positive life changes, he is resentful and jealous, and actively interferes and tries to isolate him.
Yoontae is attracted to Jeongseo and wants to date him. He also knows that Jeongseo is interested in him. Instead of just saying it outright, he plays these toxic little games to try to make the other person to take on the burden of confessing.
Constantly stating how much he likes his childhood friend, that he knows who they are (and therefore that he doesn’t believe they are Jeongseo), saying he would make a baby with them right away, etc… All things that make Jeongseo doubt his actual affection for him as a person, and makes him feel too intimidated to reveal that it was him.
By acting ambiguous, Yoontae places the entirety of the emotional burden of the relationship on Jeongseo because he wants the gratification of being chosen without risking the vulnerability of being the one to confess or start the conversation about their childhood.
In reality he acts jealous like a boyfriend while refusing to attempt to become more than that, constantly takes advantage of Jeongseo’s inexperience and empathy to take advantage of him, “marks his territory” to keep other potential partners away, all while talking about how he wants to date and make a baby with someone he found, but is not Jeongseo.
It’s very selfish. He knows exactly what happened, how he feels, what he wants, and how to get it, but he refuses to take that first step and instead punishes Jeongseo emotionally for failing to do what he wants.
The narrative and writing work very hard to ensure that Yoontae doesn’t actually experience any of the consequences from this behavior though. In this dynamic, the situation and actual connotations/intent of the behavior goes over the bubbly empath’s head, so they just shrug it off without addressing the issue.
Then there’s the flash burn response. In response to an obviously controlling, hurtful, or problematic behavior the bubbly empath gets pissed off and has some intense but short reaction, (which the toxic one almost always considers cure, not a sign that they should adjust their behavior) gets over it because XYZ reason and then it never gets brought up again.
Any time Yoontae feels any genuine guilt over his harmful effects on Jeongseo, the reasoning flips so the thing he was worrying about was actually never an issue. For example he starts feeling guilty (only after Jeongseo starts avoiding him) about getting too physically aggressive at his house, only for Jeongseo to casually tell him that of course THAT wasn’t the issue, it was something else. Which immediately leads to Yoontae stopping any reflection about that problematic behavior.
He only cares about negatively affecting Jeongseo when it negatively affects his access to Jeongseo and ability to get what he wants out of him. He feels entitled to the reward even before it’s been granted, but doesn’t want to be involved in any of the risk related to obtaining it. He is an incredibly realistic toxic character and it feels like a lot of Jeongseo’s mannerisms and reactions are custom tailored to cater to and minimize his harmful behaviors. He is the type to create a messy situationship, refusing to give any commitment or reassurance and just creating a limbo situation while trying to manipulate the other person into finalizing everything while constantly throwing out signs that discourage them from doing so.