In no way can I take your brother's side. You've just got to realize it, he's an asshole. Maybe as he goes through life, he might mature, but, right now, he hasn't, at all. You and your mom just need to stop leading him by the hand and let him fall down a bit. It might be difficult, after all, he's a brother and a son, but he needs to realize that his life is not anyone else's responsibility but his own. In time, he will either get his shit together or he will continue on down hill, either way, he can't be babied through life.
Now, I know I'm not good with expressing this kind of stuff, but I hope that my attempts at expression can help you in some manner.
Your concern for your older brother is touching. Most won't even try to that extent.
Your brother sounds like he's got alot of stuff to deal with, but is in limbo (you mentioned you also went thru depression, but seems like you are able to deal with it in your own way - looks like he may not be dealing with it the same way). He neither knows want he really wants, nor does he care - he has become lost. He's distanced himself from people who care about him.
Th only thing you can do for your brother is just be there. It will be painful. You maybe hurt - it is already frustrating, isn't it, to not be able to get him to say what's going on with him? Fight against the hate and negative feelings that may be growing inside you (it may have already grown in him). Know your worth (its pretty rare to come across someone so young as yourself and see a diamond in the rough in you).
Also strive for your own goals. Become stronger not just for yourself, but become strong enough for those you hold dear. If you can be strong enough, become a beacon.
You're so young now. Its both an advantage and a disadvantage. You have time to grow and obtain your goals in life, but many things will be thrown your way. Don't lose sight of those that are precious to you, don't give in and become lost, too. Once you're strong enough - you may be able to help them with your burden.
Be polite and courteous to him (respectful as him being an older brother) - sometimes it maybe difficult. Let him feel that his younger brother's "got his back". That you'll accept him as he is (you do, uh, right?) But back off if he becomes disrespectful to you - just get back to him once he's cooled off.
Be well.
I'm truly sorry that you are passing through such a difficult time. It must be hard for all of you. The main problem in your family is money. What I mean is since your family is in debt, and you dont have the financial means to support your necessities is making your family grow apart. From what I read, it seems that your brother already gave up in life. You said that he doesn't pay attention while your mom explains something,related to studies, to him and he keeps asking the same question, probably he doesn't find any purpose in learning. But that's because of the situation you are in. Not because he laughs means he is making of it, probably he is just tired of everything. He doesn't know what else to do. Since he might feel nothing its going to change, the situation is depressing him. Everybody expresses the situation differently. Laugh doesn't always equal happiness or joy, it could also mean nervousness or scareness. He might be hiding his true feelings throught a smile. You also said that while you talk to him he ignores you, maybe he doesn't want you to see his feeling. Talk to him when you feeling sad or happy, little by little he'll open to you. You must be patient. But before doing this you should love yourself more, don't harm your ownself. I know its easy for me to say since I'm not in your situation. I wouldn't even know what to do if I was in your situation to be honest but I will say this to you be strong for your family, you are so young don't take decisions that will affect your whole family. Also try reuiniting your family and communicate more. Do not talk bad about each other, if you hear this stop this but in a respectful way, meaning do not get mad. Remember you are a family and that you guys have each other. Try going out more often to the park or just walking around neighborhood, because being inside the house all the time you'll feel suffocated and depressed. I'm praying for your happiness. Be strong.
Your brother.. he won't understand how things work unless he experiences things for himself. Let him be for awhile, I'm sure something will happen eventually and he'll come back crying for his ma. Even if that is the case, I'm sure he'll learn something.
He needs to learn how life works firsthand. That your ma won't always be around when he needs her. He needs to learn how to be independent.
Sometimes you just have to let someone fail and learn by experience.
Thanks for all your advice guys. And really, all that cheering on helped more than I thought it would. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant and take the time to give your opinions, really appreciate it. I'll do my best to control my emotions and stay respectful in these stressful situations (づ￣ v￣)づ
(I am 15 and Bert, my bro, is 18, just so you know.)
So yesterday I noticed once again that my brother was being a brat during school (we're home-schooled, I teach myself through college textbooks and my mother teaches him) and I noticed Bert, as usual, was getting my mother to help him with EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM. He would ask her what's this, and she would go over there, explain, and when she went back to her seat, Bert, who hadn't listened to a thing she just said, says, "okay so what is this?" I see this EVERY DAY. Bert isn't learning crap. He still doesn't know what's bigger, -6 or -4. Every day, ma is getting really frustrated with him and practically yelling out the explanation to the math problem since he is being an ass. Lately me and ma are on really good terms because she is finally understanding that food is not the cause of my depression and me attempting suicide and shit and is being much more understanding lately. I've done this a few times, but because of our relationship now, this time I finally got through to her. I tell her that Bert's education is not cutting it and that there is no way he can pass the GED within two years, probably more. She agrees. Bert is just sitting there the whole time we are talking and he doesn't answer any of our questions. We ask him if he has anything he is motivated to learn, why he can't just not get a GED. I was surprised when ma FINALLY told him "you need to stop clinging to me and grow up. You are your own adult and need to take responsibility for yourself." She never said that before, really. Instead she just let him cling to her and helped him with everything. My brother has ALWAYS been a selfish brat. And when I was young, I was the exact same way as him, really. I tell Bert he is a hypocrite since he is always blaming every one of his own faults on dad because he "drinks all day" and "doesn't do any work." While it is true dad is lazy, and we are in large debt and dad could work more, dad isn't an alcoholic, but he does drink, and he is quite kind. He has always tried to form SOME type of bond with my brother even though he knows that both ma and Bert talk shit about him almost EVERY FUCKING DAY. Well, my brother still sometimes does but my mother stopped about 2 weeks ago because of her understanding that was one of the main causes of my depression. SIGHHHH. Today I noticed that he was in the bedroom ALL DAY and he wasn't asleep the entire time. I would know since my computer is in the bedroom and I stay on it most of the time. So ma tried to talk to him 2 times, but both times he didn't say a fucking word. I tried to talk to him. I went out of my way, put all my irritation and hate out of the way for him and sat there and tried to repair SOMETHING. For about thirty minutes, I talked to him. I tried to get through to him. Hell, I even cried a bit. But he just laid there with his eyes closed. I even gave him one of our baby bennies, but he ignored it. During the one-sided conversation, he started smiling and laughing just a tiny bit when I was getting emotional. I had to stop myself from walking away then. He probably was just ignoring me and thinking of other funny stuff like he randomly does. I was really fucking irritated. And when I was done, and I didn't say anything mean or anything, he still didn't say a thing. Now I am fucking irritated. I wasted my time on him. He has never helped me when I was sad except a few times when we were friends many years ago. Like when I was 9.
I won't hate you or anything if you take Bert's side, just please give me a logical answer. Thank you very much for reading all that and I'm sorry if I wasted your time.