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I cried for ruri because it reminded me of when ignorant people try to give me advice for ...

ravenc August 31, 2018 10:01 am

I cried for ruri because it reminded me of when ignorant people try to give me advice for my anxiety and depression when they've never experienced either and it makes you feel useless

Responses
    drmrr August 31, 2018 10:56 am

    Yes.. Me too

    fujoshiiii-chan August 31, 2018 11:07 am

    I have severe anxiety and i get told to get over it alot, by my family aswell. But telling me to get over it is like shooting me and telling me not to bleed. Im gonna bleed!

    Theystolemyname August 31, 2018 12:10 pm
    I have severe anxiety and i get told to get over it alot, by my family aswell. But telling me to get over it is like shooting me and telling me not to bleed. Im gonna bleed! fujoshiiii-chan

    Practice, people. Instead of throwing pity-parties and shutting yourself in your room, you should (systematically, in best case) try to get used to interacting with whatever is causing you anxiety. And before I get attacked, I also have anxiety but I overcame many things because I had to.
    I was afraid of talking to strangers, but once I got into university out of town and far away from anything familiar, I had no other choice. So now, even though I still often overthink things, I can start talking if I need to, no problem.
    I was scared of taking/making calls to the point where I got panic attacks, but then I had to get a job and my only option at that time was a call-center, so I started working there. Sure, the first two weeks were awful, I was shaking and stuttering and couldn't get home fast enough after my shift was over, but slowly I got used to it. At 4 month mark I was confident to say that phonecalls aren't a problem anymore.
    When people stutter because of anxiety, it is also due to lack of practice. I'm not telling you to go out and have a presentation in front of thousands of people, but you should try to speak more to people you don't actively interact with every day, like classmates or colleagues for starters, then you can ask for directions or time from strangers, or ask for help from shop assistants, stuff like that. And not like once a month, but at least weekly.
    By the way, I'm not discrediting your complaints about ignorant people, because I know how awful they can be, I'm just saying that besides complaining, you should do something for yourself.

    RubyWytch August 31, 2018 12:55 pm
    Practice, people. Instead of throwing pity-parties and shutting yourself in your room, you should (systematically, in best case) try to get used to interacting with whatever is causing you anxiety. And before I... Theystolemyname

    Sometimes it is a matter of 'practice makes perfect' and sometimes a person is just not in a place where that sort of advice is gonna help them yet. They'll get there, but support until they are ready will help them far more than chiding words. I could make a more thoughtful post about it, but this is the internet so I'll just link this thing that is relevant, but also wholly beside the point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIiJEy0yWc

    Essentially, it ain't your journey or mine. Let folks walk their path.

    fujoshiiii-chan August 31, 2018 12:58 pm
    Practice, people. Instead of throwing pity-parties and shutting yourself in your room, you should (systematically, in best case) try to get used to interacting with whatever is causing you anxiety. And before I... Theystolemyname

    What i got from that was like saying "i can fly a plane so you can too". I cant. Maybe one day in the future i will be able to but at this current time i cannot do that. You learned to fly the plane by yourself through trial and error, repeatedly doing it without too much help. I on the other hand do need help, but i dont get it. i dont have the opportunities to talk to classmates, since when i said my anxiety was severe, i meant it. I cant go to school since it brings me to have anxiety attack. Yes to overcome my anxiety i need to understand how to control them, but repeatedly having them is not helping me, its making me worse. Not everyone can do thing for themselves and not everyone has access to the things they need. In my case i was left a plane with no instructions, and no fuel either. you are telling me to fly the plane with no instructions, because you did, without understanding that i dont have fuel either.

    Sabby August 31, 2018 1:29 pm
    Practice, people. Instead of throwing pity-parties and shutting yourself in your room, you should (systematically, in best case) try to get used to interacting with whatever is causing you anxiety. And before I... Theystolemyname

    I have severe anxiety, and I've been to therapy. I've done the breathing techniques. I've managed to overcome a lot of it on my own, but it's not magically gone. Some days I'm okay. Some days I'll wake up in the morning, breathing too fast, heart rate too fast, shaking so hard my teeth chatter, dry heaving into the toilette because some little thought I can't even remember triggered something in my brain.
    Sometimes you can do everything right, you can try hard, you can get help, you can do everything you are told to do, and it still won't work. Not everyone has the same brain, and what helps one person won't help another.
    Belittling others because they can't overcome their mental disorders in the exact same way someone else did accomplishes nothing. Your anxiety isn't someone else's anxiety. Your personality isn't someone else's personality. Your life and your support system isn't someone else's.
    Mental disorders aren't a contest of whose is worst and who has done the best to overcome it. You're life and your experiences do not make you the authority on how best to overcome a mental disorder. Your belittlement of people who identify with Ruri in this comic can cause far more harm than your misguided advice intended.
    If you want to help others with anxiety, be kind. Be understanding. Don't condescend to them because it accomplishes nothing.

    hataki August 31, 2018 3:20 pm
    What i got from that was like saying "i can fly a plane so you can too". I cant. Maybe one day in the future i will be able to but at this current time i cannot do that. You learned to fly the plane by yourself... fujoshiiii-chan

    I feel you. I have absolutely terrible panic disorder, on top of depression and anxiety. I have been told many times that I have the worst case that my therapists have ever dealt with. it affects every single part of my life. I won't even eat with others. and if I try and force myself to deal with stressful situations, 8/10 times, I will try to self harm myself or starve myself until I am home, away from everyone. it's not a fun thing.
    I just wanted you to know I am struggling just as much as you. and felt like saying so.

    ravenc August 31, 2018 3:47 pm
    Practice, people. Instead of throwing pity-parties and shutting yourself in your room, you should (systematically, in best case) try to get used to interacting with whatever is causing you anxiety. And before I... Theystolemyname

    Shut up

    Theystolemyname August 31, 2018 5:49 pm

    I was in no way belittling anyone, I'm not exactly sure why it looked like it. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word "pity-party", but otherwise I don't see what was wrong.
    All of your opinions are valid, I never intended to make it sound like what I wrote was a cure-it-all, I'm not ignorant enough to do that. What I meant to say was, that many people like to complain instead of doing something. Many just want the attention and pity and are too lazy to try to help themselves. My words were meant for them, or anyone who would think "oh, i haven't tried this yet, it could work". Obviously, if you are not in a position to try my advice, or if it simply is not a method suited for you, then you don't do it and that's it.

    Sachiko August 31, 2018 6:16 pm
    I was in no way belittling anyone, I'm not exactly sure why it looked like it. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word "pity-party", but otherwise I don't see what was wrong.All of your opinions are valid, I never... Theystolemyname

    No what you are thinking of as many people just wanting the attention is the mainstream narrative that society tries to sell us. Anyone who isn't 'normal' is just 'wanting attention'. And you were directing this at a specific person not in general. The way you used the word 'you' it NEVER gave me the impression you used it in a general sense. So is this part of those who want to be or are 'normal' never having to accept responsibility for their actions? Makes me wonder, it does.

    Theystolemyname August 31, 2018 6:56 pm
    No what you are thinking of as many people just wanting the attention is the mainstream narrative that society tries to sell us. Anyone who isn't 'normal' is just 'wanting attention'. And you were directing thi... Sachiko

    What? I never said that "Anyone who isn't 'normal' is just 'wanting attention'", I have no idea why you suddenly decided that I was saying something like that. There are, in fact people who just want attention. I was not reffering to them. I was talking about people who have real issues, but instead of dealing with them, they try to get pity. That "you" was meant to be be a general term for people like that. If you aren't like that, great, I wasn't speaking to you. Please, stop saying that "you said this, you did that", when I didn't. If you misunderstood, okay, but don't make me a villain.
    Also, I didn't understand what you meant by "So is this part of those who want to be or are 'normal' never having to accept responsibility for their actions? " Elaborate for me.

    pennyinheaven September 1, 2018 1:39 am
    What? I never said that "Anyone who isn't 'normal' is just 'wanting attention'", I have no idea why you suddenly decided that I was saying something like that. There are, in fact people who just want attention.... Theystolemyname

    I understand your intentions but people don't like being told stuff like this because they already know, they just can't succeed at it, at least can't yet. Even you say you once had the same condition and over came it, good for you but not everyone can get on that train because they've done the same and it didn't exactly work or not yet.

    If you don't mind my two cents on your comment, maybe if you started your comment with "I, too had the same condition....." Let people empathize you first before you said your success story, people would get onto your side instead of them being defensive making it as if you are lecturing them.

    Nanasama September 1, 2018 3:25 am

    So true. It's like you are doing your best yet to the world you are not doing anything. No matter what you do, the people around you will try telling you "YOU CAN DO IT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TRY" yet you are saying I am but I need help and support. This story reminds me of my childhood.

    hataki September 1, 2018 6:51 am
    So true. It's like you are doing your best yet to the world you are not doing anything. No matter what you do, the people around you will try telling you "YOU CAN DO IT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TRY" yet you are s... Nanasama

    it really does feel that way. all the time. like we try so hard everyday and it's never good enough. even my own therapist is always saying "You're too quick to say I cant. you need to say I can, and do it". and I always stare at her, thinking "do you understand how any of the 3 mental disorders I have work"

    fujoshiiii-chan September 2, 2018 12:40 pm
    I feel you. I have absolutely terrible panic disorder, on top of depression and anxiety. I have been told many times that I have the worst case that my therapists have ever dealt with. it affects every single ... hataki

    Im going through a rough time due to my age and im supossed to be doing exams aswell. just know that if you ever need to talk or want someone to vent to you can always message me.

    hataki September 4, 2018 6:14 pm
    Im going through a rough time due to my age and im supossed to be doing exams aswell. just know that if you ever need to talk or want someone to vent to you can always message me. fujoshiiii-chan

    sorry to hear that. not fun when anyone is having a hard time. I appreciate that.