trying to 'test' your partner is pretty fucked up too though...
You make a very good point, but I have a few questions for you...Based on Kou's treatment of Ichi, do you think that Ichi believed he was ever really in a "relationship" with Kou? If a person feels like they are the only person in a relationship - one sided love - is giving up on that relationship to find happiness considered cheating? Please understand, I am not trying to invalidate or pick apart your views. Rather, I am interested in hearing more about what you think. Your comment was well written and clearly defined your opinion as well as your reasons for holding that opinion. I was impressed and would like to hear more. If you have the time and inclination to respond I would be very grateful. However, if you would prefer not to, I understand. Thank you.
Oh it's no trouble at all I enjoy these types of discussions. I believe it's cheating simply because the extent of their relationship and how long it proceeded as such. When two people engage in sexual favors exclusively: I consider it a relationship. However, I do understand your point. Overall, It think the issue stems from Kou's issue of with himself, and not being able to believe someone as flawed as him can be loved, so in order to keep himself from being hurt for the day Ichi also find his personality unbearable like so many others before him,being cruel is the only way he knows. However, it doesn't excuse the fact the Ichi never states his feelings, his pain, his worries, or even his needs to Kou and just bears them as the only "victim"even when Kou asked him is there a problem. Ichi does this because his a coward, it's easier to him to run away than face the issue at hand( and that's addressed even as he's confessing Kou notices his trait of his). Ichi could have told Kou I'm tired, I need space , but instead proceeds to find someone new and still keeps his present situation with Kou which is the problem. I wonder what would have happened if they had only discussed their feelings with each other? What's your opinion?
I felt like Ichi believed they were not really in a relationship to start. Ichi even says, at the end of the story, that he had forced Kou into the relationship they were in as it was. That considered, along with Kou's stand off-ish nature and the fact that they had never had intercourse, led Ichi to feel like finding someone new would be in the best interest of both of them. That is not to say that the lack of communication was not the primary reason for their troubles, only that this is what I gathered from Ichi's words at the end. I don't think either of them were solely at fault, rather they both were at fault. They each had legitimate reasons for their actions, however wrong those actions may have been. Had they simply talked to each other and been entirely honest in doing so, the conflict could have been avoided. But then, there would have been no story to tell and no manga to read. LOL
My view on relationships may be skewed due to my past experiences, but I believe that love and sex can be mutually exclusive. Neither requires the other to exist. I was in a very loving relationship with a man who was paralyzed from the waist down, so sex was not an option. Conversely, I've slept with men and women I've "liked" but not loved and had no relationship with them outside of sex. Therefore, my criteria for a "relationship" center more on emotional attachments than physical ones. That said, I can see where Ichi would have felt that there was no relationship between him and Kou, due to the lack of emotional connection between them. Ichi was seeking that emotional connection in "megane-kun". Kou, on the other hand, feared emotional connection and the pain of possible loss, but conveyed his feelings through physical intimacy. With a relationship "in doubt" like this one, I feel "cheating" is too strong of a concept to apply to Ichi's actions. Kind of like...I have sex with John, we have nothing more than a tacit friendship outside of sex, but I meet my soul mate Steve and begin a relationship with him. Am I cheating on John? IMO, no, I'm not. If I were to sleep with John, I would be cheating on Steve, but not vice-versa. I think Ichi saw Kou as "John" (even though he loved him, his feelings didn't seem to be returned outside of sex) and sought out "megane-kun" the be his "Steve" (emotional soul-mate to return his love outside of just sex).
This story highlights, in my opinion, the need for couples to share the concept of what constitutes a "relationship" and the need for open, honest communication. We all have fears, but we must set aside those things that harm us or the ones we love - even when it is scary as hell to do so.
Wow, I wrote a novel...sorry. Thank you so much for your reply. Your thoughts were, again, beautifully written and conveyed your ideas so clearly. I was intrigued and impressed by both your opinions and questions. I truly enjoy being able to converse with someone who can speak/write, so eloquently, their thoughts and reasoning. Thank you very much for this wonderful opportunity.
The both of you are awesome i enjoyed reading your views on this manga alot .
This is probably one of my favorite conversations I've had about a manga, really altered my perspective. I'm glad you enjoyed it!=)
I did
just got out of a 10+ year toxic relationship and i do believe that properly breaking up first is the right thing to do.But on the other hand i believe both are wrong in my opinion even if 1 partner is 30% wrong and the other 70% both are wrong.There are only 2 options in a relationship when it's toxic
1 you stay and accept your partner
2 you leave and forgive them and yourself for how things went.
but as someone who allowed my partner to cheat on me and treat me in a wrong way for 9 of our almost 11 year relationship.There is not much i can say other than when you are in the situation being rational is difficult despite all you know.
I don't regret staying and i don't hate him because in a way i allowed myself to be treated that way because i knew better but didn't leave right away .
love is strange and attachments even stranger.
ooow btw i'll be stalking you a bit so i can hopefully read another beautifully written opinion on a manga (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
I was thinking about this for a while, and I believe that Ichi is so much worse than Kou. Why? Because from the beginning Kou was always an ass, he knew it and even others avoid him because of it, and called him disgusting. It no wonder he felt of afraid of Ichi's feeling and tried to test him, but one things for sure he never betrayed Ichi. However, again like when Ichi was confessing he was looking for the easy way out, cheating(emotionally or physically) and not facing the real problem ,and not telling Kou his real feelings. Leading him to hurt two people.