Lilac's Topics (231)

OMGG THIS GEMMM

We saw how it intertwined with ideas of isolation, rebirth (a "second chance" for those that society left behind), repression, self-sacrifice, and loneliness.

Its a theme all too common if you're familiar with queerness, in reality and in media.

Now, in the current arc, Sayo has moved on from his first love. He saw how love between vampires drove both of them mad because they still couldn't win over the hunger their overwhelming power brought them even when they had each other.

In this manga, a vampire's power seems to be proportional to the hunger they feel. Or more accurately, their power dictates how hungry they would be. That's why the two most powerful vampires eventually became insane due to hunger that just grew over time and eventually couldn't fulfill.

After inheriting Mei's power, Sayo is now powerful. But he feels more anxious towards Yamadera as 1) he's become a true blood while Yamadera stayed human and 2)  the curse that bound him and Yamadera is together is now gone. But Yamadera forces him to confronts these fears head on when he slit his throat and forced Sayo to turn him into a vampire with his new powers.

Now, Sayo feels guilt AND anxiety AHSJDHDJ. Yamadera is now a vampire, he's fulfilled his goal since chapter 2 and now there's no need for Sayo (or so he thinks). He also feels guilt as now Yamadera has to also shoulder the weight of being a vampire, a path they know won't be easy as they've seen how it's affected the other vampires before them. Sayo thinks that staying together will only harm Yamadera but Yamadera squashes that worry.

In chapter 58, Yamadera assures Sayo that he can be "greedy", that he shouldn't repress himself, that like Yamadera if he wants something there's nothing wrong with claiming it as yours. And we see Sayo awaken his feelings for Sayo. He realizes that he wants Yamadera, that he needs him and he never wants to let go. That he wants to make Yamadera "his". Remember how in part 1 of this comment, I established that hunger isn't just surface level physical hunger?

This thought scares him and he physically runs away from the feeling. He doesn't want to feed on Yamadera anymore because his hunger isn't just physiological anymore. It's no longer about satiating his physical hunger, it's now more about Yamadera himself. It's not just blood he wants, its Yamadera as a whole. And this urge, this greed he has for him that only grows stronger by the day scares him and he wants to separate himself from Yamadera because he thinks this will only cause him harm.

But Yamadera accepts this with open arms and lets Sayo feast on him to show him that Sayo can ravage him all he wants, Yamadera will be just fine lol.

This works as the next morning Sayo wakes up refreshed. Having feasted on Yamadera, his instense hunger is no longer present.

While Sayo isn't in total denial of his vampirism, he still wants to perform his socially acceptable human facade but that's slowly crumbling as his powers only get stronger, his hunger getting stronger and his instinct harder to control. To the point that in the morning after having feasted on Yamadera he gets overwhelmed when he sees him and accidentally unleashes his powers in public, in front of their coworkers none the less and Yamadera had to step in and hypnotize so they'll forget what happened.

During that incident, we see Sayo despair for the normal human life he has that he clings to and so is extremely thankful for Yamadera hypnotizing their coworkers to hide what happened.

Theres this expectation from Sayo and those around them that the normal, peaceful life they have will go on. And Yamadera buys that idea for a second and for a split moment considers the idea of turning Sayo back into a human so that he doesn't despair over his hunger anymore. But he doesn't want that. He doesn't want Sayo to turn back into a "human", the opposite of the social outcast deviant that being a "monster" entails. Do you get what I'm putting down?

Yamadera has fully embraced his "monster" qualities and thinks of life as better than ever after awakening as one but after seeing Sayo's struggle with controlling his "monster" qualities , saying that he can't take it anymore, he wavers and questions whether Sayo's happiness can really exist with him.  That's where were at right now in terms of their relationship.

Very, very straight and platonic of them. No queer themes whatsoever yup yup. It can't be gay and romantic if it's not categorized as BL!!!

As of now, I really do think they're heading towards a path where Yamadera will help Sayo with accepting his powers/feelings and I'm really looking forward to how the author will develop their relationship with each other through their vampirism going forward.

That's all my thoughts for now, I'm going to bed.

omg I lied I have more thoughts. So at the arc where they met Yui, Yui tries to protect Sayo's happiness by trying to kill Yamadera. Yui worries that by trying to kill Mei, Sayo has to kill or be killed. He tries to make him realize the gravity of that while also trying to kill Yamadera so that Sayo doesn't have to save him anymore and quickly get over his death and go back to living a "normal and happy" life he had before where he hides his vampirism.

BUT Sayo counters him, asking him why must he make a difficult choice? why can't everyone achieve happiness? he tells Yui theres more than one path and there Yamadera tells him that it's all right, they'll find happiness together no matter the path ahead. That's the significance of Yamadera questioning himself whether Sayo's happiness really exists with him let's all die

Vampirism and Queerness:

My perspective on how the current arc where Sayo is currently struggling with the idea of fully turning into a vampire is a metaphor for internal homophobia and his struggle with fully accepting his sexuality and how Yamadera's quick assimilation with his powers means that he has accepted his feelings for Sayo and now, has to help him accept it too.

(A perspective that I've had since the beginning but couldn't put into words till it dawned on me when I saw Mouse's comment on how they wished Sayo could accept his new body and find happiness with it.)

Vampires have always been tied to queerness, or more specifically sexuality. Writers have used vampires as a literary device to hide themes of queerness without actually having to state them upfront and risk social backlash from their time.

It's in the secrecy, the forbidden desires, the social outcasting (treated like monsters), deviance from the norm, and last but not the least, the hunger that can't be satied through "normal" means.

In this manga, this hunger is present in it's literal sense, hunger for life, hunger for love, hunger for intimacy (lust), and hunger for companionship. I'll get to how each of these manifest in the story but for this comment, I want to focus on Sayo and Yamadera only.

Sayo's hunger for blood in the early chapters is seen as a simple physiological need. He needs to drink blood to survive, simple as that. And Yamadera has a hunger for a sense of life. You could argue that at that point, he was still human but remember that since childhood he's been convinced that he is a vampire and will grow up to be one. He just hasn't "awakened" yet. They rely on each other to fulfill these desires and in turn subconsciously full each other's hunger for love and companionship as the story progresses.

They both treat themselves as "monsters", something inhumane. Sayo, again in a literal sense, since he died and became a vampire and Yamadera because he thinks of himself as something below human. They both see these traits as something they need to hide and they only began to step in the direction of acceptance when they met each other and began to satiate the hunger they couldn't fulfill through normal, socially acceptable, "human" means.

In the early volumes, we navigate through Sayo's vampirism in the surface level. Old man suddenly gets turned into a vampire by his first love and now has to navigate the changes within his body as well as deal with the world that being a vampire has brought to him with a sassy junior colleague that orders him around, this is the premise that brought us to read this story.

But as the chapters go on and we get to see more of the vampires and their stories, we see how the concept of vampirism in the story deepen. We saw how it intertwined with ideas of isolation, rebirth (a "second chance" for those that society left behind), repression, self-sacrifice, and loneliness.

This is just part 1 of what I have to say. In part 2 I'll delve deeper into the thesis that I presented in the introduction CAUSE THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG FOR A COMMENT AGSJDHJD I LOVE THIS MANGA

?? why are people saying this isn't a BL? are we reading the same manga??? the things they've done are even more intimate than sex LMAO

yeah they haven't looked into the camera and told us "we love each other!" but just LOOK at them bro. look at what they're doing for each other and tell me they don't love each other. and don't give me that "oh it could be platonic" bullshit cause we've seen how Sayo is with those he considers as just his friends and he definitely doesn't put them in the same category as what Yamadera is on. I would say it transcends romance but really, you guys just need to broaden your perspective on what romance can look like.

OOOHHHMMMMMM

signs of peak: they both look like omegas <3

It's always so cute seeing a baby bird learn how to be the BIGGEST BIRD of all

woojoon submit that military service application STAT

this is actually psychological horror... the horror being their situationship