Thank you, niesly Mikado, for being brave enough to put your artwork out there for instant reaction and criticism. I hope you find enough encouragement to continue.
I did find the story a little hard to follow. I got that there is a war going on between two enemy forces. I'm not sure where and when the war happens in relationship to the main character, who I assume is Face. Is it in the past, present, or future? I mean, this question needs to be answered in the context of the story, which is only a few pages long so far.
Good luck.
"Merci beaucoup", gambarimas :)=
You say you are not a mangaka, but if not, who was the artist who drew the pictures for your story?
Bonsoir, :) Hi !
The mangaka is now : Chimikii :3
Her blog : http://www.deviantart.com/newest/?section=&global=1&q=chimikii
Hokay, that didn't cause emotional whiplash one little bit. Dickhead drops his friend after a baby squinges at him, gets married, does NOT have a baby, spends one single night alone all by himself (this never happened before?) to realize monumental profundity of his stupidity, books a random flight to Alaska on a radar love mission to reconnect with his lover. Who socks him a couple of times, then forgives him completely. I'm not scratching my head over this one little bit.
Don't forget that he chose to marry the FIRST WOMAN that confessed to him! The fact that he did that means that he replied with a YES to her confession even though he and Yuuki were still an item at the time. That just really pisses me off. I think Yuuki shouldn't forgive so easily. I am not saying he can't forgive. And I am not saying he should be make Itou suffer per say before forgiving. But I know if it were me, I would not trust the man for quite a while. And he would need to start from scratch in wooing me again.
The story is floating on a cloud of gas from popping out all those plot-farts. How did this guy ever graduate from high school the way he blows around on the latest breeze? No rhyme or reason here. Just a lot of unnecessary movement.
His level of stupidity is just wow. I mean he wasn't even a good husband in the end, so why do that in the first place and with the first random woman that confesses to you??? I just can't get it. She should've punched him too. In his balls, so he would never in his life consider again the possibility of having kids.
Some commenters in other threads have suggested that he was motivated by social pressures, but I didn't get any strong sense of that. I did get a strong sense of that he wanted to be a father. The cute baby scene, you know? So that can be a powerful motivator. But then, the children never happened, and, as you say, he wasn't even a good husband. Well, he's clearly been a very selfish person, but that isn't what makes this story unworkable. That is the story. The trouble for me is that it was not a well-told story, so I'm less angered by the outrageous selfishness and more by the pinball storytelling that keeps batting me around between different characters and settings.
This looks promising. The beginning is a little coincidental, but not unbelievable. I look forward to see how the mangaka distinguishes this story from predictable "meet cute" fluffballs.
"Flaming" used to mean a really swish gay guy. The sort who was so out and loud and proud that sparkly rainbows sprouted from his butt. Here, it means a flame-war. I kinda like the old meaning better.
What a rollercoaster ride this story is. I dropped it for awhile because of Chapter 3 in Volume 1, and only came back after placing some emotional distance between me and the story. Now, at the end of Volume 2, I can only think that Taichi is certainly making things hard for Nao.
My, that ... um, accelerated quickly?
(And why do I keep hearing Minaj looping on "Ma Anaconda don't"?)
I haven't read this, but I have to. Know why? Because CHICKEN STALKER. How can anybody not read a story named Chicken Stalker? Yes, even if that sets up one heckuva scary WTF!Japan idea in mind ....
'kay. So that was ... compressed. I think it's always the best policy to have enough room for the scope of one's story. It's weird because that story wasn't particularly huge. It just got a bit truncated in places.
"His cock is slurping" ..... slurping? SLURPING?!!!
BrrrRrrrrrr.....