I don't know if this will be helpful but here's my two-cents.
I've felt similar to where you are for a lot of my life. I would say that I feel the same some days even now. What helped me were a few different things happening in concert. One: I legally became an adult and started feeling like I had more control of myself and what I did with it. Tw...... 1 reply
want to do stuck my cock in a blender
