ava's Topics (2)

from what i know, it’s not uncommon for people who have experienced rape, like shiwoo did with that older man, to end up promiscuous (constantly having sex with people) as a mechanism to protect their mental state through escapism or as a form of self harm. and the man he ended up liking at the time, hyun, was not kind enough to tolerate his promiscuity and ended up having a terrible mental state himself. shiwoo who has been stuck in the low self-esteem state since he got raped experienced kindness from hyun, yet it got taken away from him when hyun’s mental state broke done completely. shiwoo is not the one to blame for hyun’s toxic abusive behaviour, if hyun was a sane individual he would have decided to end their relationship if it was too painful to handle shiwoo’s behaviour simply through words and not abuse. but shiwoo who was already traumatized and had his confidence diminished only got his self-esteem lowered even further by his partner he was once in love with constantly hitting him, putting him down, and engraving into his mind that he’s only good at sex and no one could possibly love him except him. in his mind, he initially knew hyun as a kind person so he thinks he’s at fault for the way hyun became abusive and blames himself, thus staying with him until it got too difficult. in this state, when he reunites with yujin, who seems to be an angel sent form heaven in comparison to the others he has interacted with, his low self-esteem doesn’t allow him to act on what he actually wants (to stay with yujin). instead he intentionally lies and pushes yujin away because he believes that he is not deserving of yujin’s love and that he would have a happier time without the pain of loving someone who carries the emotional baggage that he does with all the trauma he experienced and his promiscuous habits for escapism. but he is only putting on a strong act like he can let yujin go when in reality his tatterred mental state & ptsd from the abuse and kidnapping and rape from hyun, he realized he didn’t have the mental strength to handle having the one source of happiness in his life taken away from him so brutally.

thankyou so much for explaining....I kinda thought that will be it, but somehow I want to confirm it...and also few things makes me confused like why he rejected Yujin when they were young and Shiwoo looks like be actually loved Yujin back then too, but I feel maybe it's because they were Young and still not sure if it's okay to love another man...I don't know that part is kinda blur too

no problem! yes i think shiwoo was not sure/comfortable with his sexuality at that time, and he probably also took some time to realize how he felt about yujin romantically

yes....thanks