Daniel... when I say I cried for you i mean literally all three times. (Incoming essay—too long but its for my heart okay)
I read this for the ml regrets part, but I didnt know I'd cry for a side character jdjxjejd. What made me sad was that I knew Daniel in the eyes of Rael, he was cheerful and competent. When he died, I didn't think much of it, and when I learned he was sick, I thought he had a reason, and that's sad—but that's it.
I didn't really know how much pain he felt until the side chapters. I didnt know he knew of his fate from a young age and when he got the diagnosis 3 years later, he decided to protect his family and his people. He was slowly dying from a disease where he seemed perfectly fine on the outside but inside the pain increased as his organs slowly melted away.
Despite that, he chose to live to the fullest. Even though he was born to a life of luxury and power, he chose to serve others by becoming what the kingdom needed. And perhaps even more remarkable—despite the unbearable and lonely suffering of dying slowly without anyone noticing, he wanted to live. He had become scared to die because he cherished his life and the people around him.
What made me cry so much is that I knew, but I didn't feel it before reading his pov in the side chapters. I guess his cheerful demeanour was too effective. Like how the word 'sick' didn't mean much to me until it was explained. Until I saw he hid alone, huddled in his bed under the pretense of a carefree break, having seizures and nosebleeds while thinking, this is it for me—only to survive till the next day. And still: he wanted to live.
(I was literally air screaming: AUTHORR WHAT BL THIS IS A TRAGEDYY HUHU)
Some moments that struck my heart about the young prince:
1. The way Daniel never wailed, complained nor showed weakness in front of the only person who knew: the doctor. And even said a calm thank you afterwards, despite the medicine not working on him anymore. He accepted his fate fully.
2. He was ready to sacrifice his body too, but he knew his body was too frail and without senses to handle it and the emperor would notice. And how he thought after the nightly affair that Rael could be stronger than him. I was like excuse me, how could you say that about yourself when you should know best how heavy and lonely the burdens you handle are?
3. He thought of everyone. He didn't feel contempt for Rael who was destined to get everything he has. Instead, he felt guilty for not taking his will into consideration. But while he gave Rael a heavy task, he also said that if Rael finds it too difficult, then he should choose to live as himself instead. He was guilty and grateful, and generally did not feel entitled—even though he had helped and saved a lot of people.
4. The fact he made everyone's lives (well maybe not his 'protege' Rael) easier when he was around. The kingdom functioned, the traitors were kept at bay, his father could continue to be his good natured self, and his brother enjoyed a relatively peaceful life before being king. He shouldered the responsibility and labour. He was the brain and the brawn. His lieutenant confidently said: not like anyone could kill you. And he smiled and agreed.
5. When he ate food voraciously despite not having a sense of taste anymore.
6. When he thought it was easy to live, he just needed to endure the pain. The same pain that caused others to commit suicide, and how the longest case was three but he lived to 5. And yet, at one point he thought of himself selfish for wanting to live. When i tell you, if I knew this man i'd slap him then hug him in tears.
7. The way he watched even in the afterlife shows he truly cared and lived his short and painful life deeply.
My AU is he got trnasmigrated to the modern world, lived a normal but shining life with people who love him and who he can be free and vulnerable with.
And my should-have-happened is that he should have at least died a warmer death, not the one he chose. Where his family, friends, and the kingdom would grieve for his actual death and know his pain and sacrifices so they'll mourn not only his loss but also how strong, kind, and exceptional their talented and competent prince is.