I think the author did a great job at portraying the internal complexities experienced by a survivor of SA, and it’s very disheartening to see readers victim blame Yegyum for not being a perfect victim. Survivors do sometimes initiate or even continue sexual contact with their abusers as a desperate way to reclaim a sense of choice and control in a situation where they are left with none.
When Jooyoung first forces himself onto Yegyum there are clear depictions of him mentally disconnecting from the trauma as it unfolds. He’s literally fawning as a way to protect himself by essentially appeasing his aggressor. There is also an additional layer in how the author subverts traditional portrayals of SA. Instead of the typical depiction of physical submission through penetration, Yegyum is forced into penetrating Jooyoung. I perceived this to be the momentary trigger that allows him to attempt to take control by 'choosing’ to continue without being physically restrained. It doesn't change the fact that the encounter is still SA, but it allows him to reframe the trauma as a 'punishment' as he later explains to Jooin. If anything it’s a very raw portrayal of rape and power dynamics.
I won’t pretend that it didn’t feel a bit rushed towards the end, and I’m not saying the author did a perfect job at this, but I feel as if a lot of people don’t see that this also serves as a big catalyst in the progression of Yegyum’s character. Yegyum from the beginning of the story sought love through total self-effacement. He was a void waiting to be filled by someone else's will. By the end his internal resistance, even if it manifested in an aberrant way, proves that he has developed a sense of self. He no longer sees Jooyoung’s actions as something he deserves or wants. It’s also a grim irony that his ’imperfect’ response is actually the greatest evidence of his growth.
wait his daddy fine asf……