“you got redemption arc, remorse, and character development?”
..not really, but we got (ch. 90-93):
“anti-social personality disorder.” these days, people use terms like “sociopath” or “psychopath,” though they don’t precisely match the symptoms. but they’re similar enough. i’ve never been officially diagnosed with it. to make that diagnosis, it has to be after the age of 15…and by that time, i’d already learned how to behave to seem “normal.”
even if i told him i loved him, i doubt he’d believe me i told him i love him. besides, the overwhelming greed i feel right now doesn’t seem to match the word “love.”
it was a gamble. having a bad personality and a mental disorder are two different things. but i trusted the cards i was dealt. after all, they called choi in-seob to me, who endured so much to come all the way to korea for a friend. that kind, gentle, foolish choi in-seob…the one who likes me. i was sure he would accept me.
i’ve never asked others to understand my condition, so i thought it was only fair that they shouldn’t demand me to understand them either.
woo-yeon: do you want to go home? you can’t go. you can’t go, In-seob. anywhere. so you better keep liking me.
in-seob: (“keep on liking me.” those words, added on like a sigh, made it hard for me to breathe.)
to this (ch. 94-100):
i don’t know if what i’m feeling is the same as you, in-seob. what i do know for sure is… i want you to keep liking me. my mind may be broken, yet i’ve been able to get by until now. but because of you, it feels like my heart’s been broken too.
inseol: then..can i take care of a potted plant?
wooyeon: oh, that thing.
inseol: …
wooyeon: sure, bring it over. just don’t go overboard with your affection for it in front of me. i might get confused while watering it and accidentally pour boiling water on it.
you said even fake feelings would be enough for you, right? then, in a way that’s close to how normal people feel…i like you. i really do like you, in-seob.
do i look like someone who’s just “worried,” sitting here right now? it feels like my heart is stuck in a furnace, and every time i breathe, someone is twisting a knife around in my brain.
if only i had known, i would have told him…that i love him too. are his feelings really the same as mine? is in-seob also thinking of me with this kind of pain, like every single neuron is being shaved off by a razor blade? i hope not. i sincerely hope that’s not the case. this kind of pain that makes it feel like someone took a blowtorch to heart and left you struggling to breathe…i hope in-seob isn’t feeling this.
every tiny sound makes me wonder if it’s his voice, if he’s crying.
soooo… ┑( ̄Д  ̄)┍









changed my brain chemistry those years ago