beta
The lack of communication between the main characters is bewildering. They never talk about serious things like where he works, why he’s dressed like that, etc. They don’t truly know each other even with this many chapters, which always downplays the romance.
isn’t that lowkey the whole point though? that they’re kind of just in love with the idea of each other? i’m sure there’s an arc upcoming to get them to confess to each other about deeper and more personal things + strengthen each character
No, because as a reader, you want your characters to talk, about anything and everything. And it’s about the pacing. They don’t have to talk about the actual problem just yet if that’s what the author wants, but they don’t talk about anything deep in general.
When you write a character that is supposed to love someone, secretly or not, that love should find a way to show itself one way or another through actions if not words. (That goes for real life too, but let’s just talk about characters for the purpose of keeping it simple.) I’m not sure if this will show up in future chapters or in the novel, but all the time he distanced himself for the sake of protecting her, was it ever shown that he secretly did things for her? Like having someone look out for her well being while he was away, or have someone guard her and their child without her knowing, or making sure of a million other things went right so that she could be comfortable or happy even if he wasn’t there?
If no, then the excuse would just be another excuse, not a valid reason, which makes it hard for readers to want to like your ml let alone want a redemption for him.
Furthermore, I can sympathize for the fl to want her child back, and in no way shape or form do I underestimate the love of a mother, but… if you are given a second chance a life, why lie in bed with the same man who cheated on you (to your knowledge) and want your child to have a man like him as a father, who never once cared about either one of them? I wonder how it would’ve been written out if she didn’t want to do repeat that for the sake of her child to not have to go through that hardship. And why would any mother want to purposely want to have a scandal that big that can affect the child’s life too. Clearly scandals like that just don’t up and vanish. So…in the end, since it’s a fiction, I am sure you can come up with a million other ways and reasons to make the plot work in your favor.
Giving a character a second life should automatically give them a greater resolve to make amends, but it seems like not much has changed drastically up until now. She isn’t truly repulsed by him even when she believes he cheated on her, she doesn’t hold him accountable, and she didn’t even call out the priestess for her behavior, knowing her intentions. I understand she is more of a weaker character, but it still comes off as frustrating to some.
Once more, I have not read the novel, and this is just a feedback on the posted chapters, which truly had potential.