venus

i love the title of this manga, how much haru haunts the entire story. everything orbits around how haru could’ve felt, how she would theoretically feel. togo says it right at the beginning of the story, that dead people can’t feel sad. but his statement only feels true at the end.

natsumi turns around, scared of facing haru, just to see nothing. because when somebody dies, they can only be gone. they don’t have resentment, no envy, no approval, no sadness. they’re excruciatingly nothing, and you’re left with only yourself and your theories. your curse to have alone.

in the end, how haru felt back then during the worst of her illness died with her and nobody but her could know how she truly felt. not even she would know how she could’ve felt. this story deals with death and mourning in such a gut punchy way for every character. i’m left feeling so bittersweet. beautiful beautiful story.

is this author a genius? are they a genius? im in tears. feelings so intense. meaning so meaningful. so purposeful and every line every thing is intentional and the callbacks to moments and lines and things i brushed off and then im gagged. ohyou got me. im in tears. this author has me forever