What The Heck Is Wrong With Me

i’ve been reading bl/yaoi since i was in high school and it’s been more than a decade (whew). i was also single the rest of my life (which is 27 years). i got a boyfriend last year and we recently started “doing it” which was also my first time. it was scary at first, but as we did it more often and explored different ways for both of us to have a healthy and pleasurable experience, i became more aware of my needs and my body. suddenly, i don’t see s3x the same way i see on stuff i read here. it pains me when there isn’t enough foreplay or preparation like honey that hole does not self-lubricate please i just know ts hurts like hell. then those guys with a whole ass arm hanging down their legs scare me now. the shit i used to read gave me pleasure and i enjoyed reading smut like it was the last thing on earth that gives me life. but not anymore… i just don’t feel it anymore. i’ve been trying to get into it but the spicy scenes look so rough to me i stopped reading.

i might still read yaoi from time to time if the plot is good but anything with smut clearly written by a straight woman is not it for me.

Ever since I was a kid I've always feared what the future may hold for me. Cause I never really had a passion to be something. I never admitted this to my parents or anyone I never felt the want or need to be something, rather I want to do nothing at all. As ridiculous as it probably sounds, trust me I really tried changing my way of thinking in life. I tried to create a dream. Everytime the teachers and my parent would ask me what I want to be in the future I would say the same thing I heard my seatmate told during introduction. I was good at some things, I have good grades I rank number 1 academically atleast. I'm part of the Student Council, I can cook, write poems and other stuff. I can learn really fast but somehow the desire to be something I can't quite get it. I feel like I'm being left behind by everyone

I think this might be an original experience but my favorite made-up game to play a while back was yaoi bingo. I chose a random popular yaoi and saw how long it would take me to get a bingo when all squares are overused bl manwha tropes (in case you were wondering, usually less than 10 chapters). I'll share a picture of the old bingo board I made in the replies.

So... What squares/tropes would you add?

As a vaginal-posessing female, I've noticed that when I'm attracted to men, I act manscular and boyish. But when I'm attracted to women, I am shy and timid, like a fragile little flower ❀

Does this mean I wanna dominate a man but want a woman to dominate me? I'm confusion
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